Tuesday, 31 December 2013

i have sat for at least an hour trying to think of things that are achievable to go on my 2014 bucket list. ( Master had me make one of these instead of New Years resolutions so i have a year to try and get self improvement done .....still it does not seem long enough for some of the things i write. ) So the dilemma is , do i go for things that are easy and i know i will get done or do i go for things that are going to be to hard... and i run a high risk of messing up with.  He has already told me the answer to this btw...........besides what would be the fun of doing things and crossing them off if i knew that i could do them already.
 So i guess that its the ones that i think i can not do, and push myself a little bit further than the comfortable rut that i have been wallowing in. I have until midnight tonight to complete...( i have not started them yet, but one thing is for sure i am not leaving it until five to twelve .....) i don't think starting the new year off on a negative score would be advisable.
Out of my ten things i had last year i managed to complete 6 of the things.. not bad but it should have been the whole ones. and the remembering no No's or i''s is still under debate if it has been learnt because it still comes into play.
i know one thing though, i want to make my husband and Master so proud of me this next year He will think He has a new model ( although He says that He is always proud of me) and i want to earn myself loads of strikes with His dragon cane for pleasure (not punishment) {what started as a reprimand is not totally addictive }
Hope everyone has a good celebration time tonight.. see you all next year
the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

 {i guess the other important thing that should be on the list is getting into the habit of doing my workbook again and my blog instead of just thinking about it}

  1. Follow yellow folder and show Him that it does make a difference
  2. Keep front garden weed free and colourful
  3. Listen the first time something is said and take note...
  4. Learn to keep still and not fidget in *the position*
  5. Grow more veggies.
  6. Make Christmas list out and complete by December 2014
  7. Wear fitbit, track walking, and reach goals set by Master
  8. Keep away from sugar fixes
  9. Meditate for twenty mins once a day
  10. Make our back garden a place to be proud to sit in and not just  a dogs play area.

Monday, 30 December 2013

 Hi, i hope everyone had as good a holiday as i have. Master was really pleased with His gifts this year, and i feel quite proud of myself for being able to get one or two that He did not manage to guess , The bobble head man is sitting on His PC now and wobbles away at times from fallout 3. and He has already started to put pictures and films on His hard disc.
He brought me some beautiful things this year as well... not only did i get a new triangle pillow, ( i call this my hug pillow as it seems to cuddle while you sleep. ) but i also got an amber necklace and earrings ( we looked at these on a recent trip out so goodness knows when He found a moment to get them for me ...) and a football shirt to wear while we watch our favourite team.... i feel very spoilt. ( i also got loads of other little gifts. ...) BUT the best gift of all i think was spending time with Him and the family all afternoon and having a peaceful day.
Happy Monday all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Monday, 23 December 2013

 Well , today was eventful that Master decided to do our food shop for the holiday first thing in the morning. We arrived about a minute after the store opened only to find a packed car park, and the inside heaving with people. It never fails to amaze me how many people suddenly appear from nowhere and tug shopping carts ( yes carts in the plural) overflowing with food just for a couple of days... ( apart from the shops are not even closed for two days now.. only the one. )
i also wonder how much of this food will find itself in the bins , because it was surplus to requirments. i was grateful that Master was there to take charge of the food and all i had to do was push our shopping cart along whilst he got the goodies. Admitedly i forgot the mushrooms but i think that we can survive a few days without needing them and can adapt the recipes... The fresh fruit and veg isles were so packed that i dont think it was wise to try and venture back in. Now all we have to do is wait for the young adults to arrive and relax.
Update on the yellow folder.. so far i have only lost one point do to cheekiness.. :-( but i am determined that there will be no more lost. Have a fun holiday season all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Sunday, 22 December 2013

mellow yellow

 I am on a mission to not lose any more points before Christmas day .. or the end of the  year come to think of it. I would like a new folder. This new folder was to be mine without earning it  until my ears decided not to pick up on a couple of requests from Master. :-( opppppppps. Now i have 38 points and it is a count down as not to let them get lower than 30.. ( huh that's only like eight points.)
So my socks have been pulled up and i have been trying to be super slave again. Who would have thought that i would want a yellow folder quite so much , and you know what i don't even like the colour yellow really.
I guess its just the thought of not having something that i would really want no matter what the colour is.
Hope everyone is coping in the holiday season

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 12 December 2013

sleep and quiet

 Since the clocks went back , i have had awful trouble being able to sleep all the way through the night. Master and i have tried altering bedtimes.. reading longer , not reading ..meditation, not eating or drinking things after a certain time, avoiding food.. well you get the picture....and the list goes on.
BUT, still , between four and five its like an alarm clock goes off and i am awake.
To be fair , Master has not said anything about it , as in worrying about it, but i am left with the feeling that it would be nice just to be able to curl up and drift back off to sleep next to Him when this happens....... i can't , i tried , but apparently i fidget and toss and turn, and no amount of correction seems to be able to cure this.
So, His answer was to be able to spend this time wisely doing things for me now.. Spring will come soon enough and then it will be light enough to work in the garden. How ever there is to be no crashing about in the kitchen....... ( ummm do i crash) no watching mindless television or video games, ... and so i have come to reading blogs, and decided that maybe it might be a good time for me to be able to do mine.
Daughter visited yesterday, and both her and the middle son were ultra hyper with the preparation to the holidays coming up. She very kindly brought me some pyjamas  as she was able to get quite a good price on these and luckily enough Master seems to like them also as they are practical and do not show off any left over strips or crop bites
i have been doing a little present shopping for Himself the last few mornings also and managed to find Him some beautiful gifts, if not some a little quirky, this year...... His collectible arrived from the states the other day and so many times i have almost told Him what it is by accident. Fortunately i have stopped just in time. i think one of the best times for  me is being able to watch his face as He opens the small tokens i have brought for Him out of my allowance , and seeing that i have got it right.
Hope everyone Else's holiday plans are going OK ...

 the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 7 December 2013

 For the last couple of nights the weather has been really awful where i live, the storms and wind ,coupled with the time of year and tides, have brought mass flooding , ruining some peoples holiday seasons before they have even begun. i can remember looking out of the window at one point and seeing the rain blow horizontal instead of vertical and the trees in our garden bending and bowing in the force of it.
Part of me was glad that i wasn't out in the terrible storm but another part wanted to go out and gather all the things that being battered and bruised by the tempest and bring them in to give them shelters. ( of course i know that our weather was nothing compared to the hurricanes that some friends in the states have survived but still i felt kind of safe in our house.)
During it all i also said a silent thank you , because where Master and i spent our few days away would have been impassable with the tidal surge and the flooding that followed. i felt sad for the many businesses that would have to do a massive clean up, but impressed by the community spirit that was suddenly shown of family's and people offering help and a safe spot during the rough time. ( It made me thankful that our house is on a hill... and could not be ruined by the horrible aftermath of the storm.
Master and i had been shopping , and had been looking for a new yellow folder for my new years rules......... ( He is getting them in a nice A4 folder so i do not lose them, ( i normally managed to forget where i have put the note book or scrap of paper that i have written them on) At the moment life seems to be on hold a little with the control and direction , but this is OK with me as well because i feel strangely content to try harder than ever to hundreds of little things to please Him and not wind Him up.
i do know that although i don't think that i am being observed He is .... and in away it is comforting , like a warm familiar blanket , wrapped about me ... allowing me to stay safe.
Have a good weekend all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 5 December 2013

 Sorry about the break from blogging again ...( i had a good excuse this time... i got married.)
Last Saturday , i think was the best day of my life, It was only a small service, with Master and the children.... we did not want or need a large one with all the fall outs and arguments that come with the party etc afterwards... to say nothing of the massive bills. It made it more special just having our young adults there , each playing their own part and helping us feel and make the day more special.
It kind of feels really special to be wearing Master's ring, i know that i have had a necklace as my collar for a while , and i still would not part with this for the world... yet the ring makes me feel... i don't know if cherished is the right word, because there was never any doubt of Master's love for this girl at all..... but enclosed in a safe space.
It's something that i never thought would really happen and i feel good and right about it all. Master took me away to a sleepy seaside hotel afterwards,,,, and we had a room that looked out over the beach. Every night i got to listen to the waves crashing on the beach as He took me to heights of passion i did not think were possible , and then the same sounds lulled me to sleep afterwards safe in His arms.
Oh i know things probably will not always be this straight forward and plain sailing , but for the moment i feel cherished loved and safe. And honoured to officially be able to used His name and be recognised  as His.
Hope you all are doing good, i guess i have a mass of blogs to catch up on and read

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 19 November 2013

 This morning brought the first touch of frost on the ground and roof , and once again i am pleased to see the sparkles in the cold but beautiful morning. There is nothing much to add really apart from for the first time in ages i woke up feeling good , and not ill. So far there is no sign of the snow that people have been posting about , and life is good.
So much has to be arranged and worked at before the house looks better again, but for now i am doing as i am told ( for a change) and not trying to do everything at once.
Have a good Tuesday all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Monday, 18 November 2013

  Master has had a cold shower November month for me... ( its not as bad as it sounds......the water is not freezing cold  and i don't feel cold when i get out of the shower any more. ) But still the bathroom does not get like a Turkish steam room when i am in there and my time spent under the water has gone down.
To start off with i was really cheesed off with Him when He said it and i thought that it was a joke.... but no He was not jesting , and this was a rule for November . Gradually though instead of thinking yuck, and muttering things under my breath as i wash , i find myself focusing on Him, and the task i have to do for the day. Where i could drift in hot steam before, i now like the feel of the towel as it dries my skin,  and am seriously thinking if i can ask/beg to keep this type of shower in future .
On a bad note though i find that i am missing my ten O'clock bedtime and long to be able to crawl there at the weekends even as my sleep patterns are all out of sink. i hope this is put back to normal soon.
have a good Monday all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 16 November 2013

why does it have to be yellow

 The last few weeks have been a mix of trying desperately to get my meds right , talking to the pharmacist and many trips for appointments for the official things that have to be organised before a wedding.
What with the forms , and the paperwork, battling with the sick and dizzy feelings of wading through a foggy mush brain as the new medicines fight with the old i am once again neglecting things that should come naturally. Computer time has been spent drifting, and not focusing, and my mind is trying desperately to string the words together to read to Master on our Wedding Eve.
Not only has computer time gone to pot , but so have all of the routines again. Master being Himself has said that He is going to purchase a  new folder ( yellow in colour) and have them  all typed up on laminated sheets so i can not lose them so easily. Why yellow.. i have a dislike of it , since one of my first house where the person i was with managed to paint every room yellow ( not a nice yellow but an in your face bright one , and in so many different shades. ) So our house has hardly any yellow in it. Therefore Master thinks that it will stand out beautifully and i will find it hard to misplace. 
Got to love His logic at times ... NOT.
On the positive  i only have two more appointments left for various bloods and tests and then i have to wait till the new year fro the next few unless they unearth more things..
Keep smiling all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 5 November 2013

 Sorry for the lack of communication of late , but  time has been taken up with appointments , chasing up papers , and more appointments.
Master is gradually teaching me how to  not try and do one million things in a day and wear myself out, but it is hard, because often i think that i am the only one to see things that need doing and i get frustrated.
We went to our daughters this weekend ( she had a new table arriving and He thought that it would be nice if i spent time with her while He waited for it and signed .... in the end we all got to go out in the city and explore some rather nifty junk shops that we found. Master and i can spend hours in these places looking for the ideal gift or object , and this one was like an Aladdin's cave with all it's treasures. It would seem that daughter has inherited our love of them as well, as she was as bad as us.
None of us could believe that it was lunch time , among the treasures found were two different dragon canes , one silver topped and a light wood and one a beautiful reddish wood , much the same as cherry wood.  Also allot of antiques , a large chair in the design of a red shoe........ ( no we didn't buy this but daughter fell in love with it , and a jacko chimp, much like the one that i had all through my childhood ( it was my best friend in many ways as it went everywhere with me and knew my darkest secrets. )
Then it was on to Nando's  where we had chicken, rice , and veg . After dropping daughter off at her partners village we went home and had a relaxing evening, and although i was tired it was a beautiful and fun day.
Sunday saw Master allowing this one in His man cave, and sharing a bath with Him , then having a session with the canes . The different widths of them surprised me how much they were not alike and i have to say my favourite is becoming the light one that has the silver tip, only because it has it's ripples closer together and seems to make a crisper bite . Te vote for them is yes please Master can we find some more.. this from a girl who hated canes most of her life. But dragon canes do not feel the same.
Have a wonderful Monday all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

The Surprise

 Yesterday  Master took me out to lunch ( no that wasn't the surprise) He ordered for me, chicken with asparagus, new potato and peas.. It was delicious and i felt very spoilt. He also got me a green tea for beverage which was nice and refreshing . ( warming as well considering the beautiful sunny morning had decided to rain. )
After this He decided that we should take a walk in the town that we had arrived in...........And directed me across in the area of some old fashioned shops, one of which happened to be a jewellery shop. Pausing at this ones window He asked which ring that i liked and together we chose my wedding ring.
We have been together for eight years and counting , and engaged for one and a half of these, but i really hadn't known this was what He had planned for the day. i was very close to tears ( of happiness) .
There was just one ring that i saw sitting in the middle of the other two, made of red and white gold in a spiral band pattern, and when the lady took it of the tray , and He tried it on my finger it was a perfect fit.  This was just as well as it was an antique and the only one of it's kind in the shop. Due to its unusual pattern it couldn't be altered in any way and it was the one that called out to me.
Master went off to the bank , leaving me with the lady in the shop whilst He got the cash to pay for it (the card machine was off line in the shop ) and she asked me where i met Him. i had to say on line but i couldn't remember what site ( i didn't think that she was up to knowing that it was fetlife.....) and thankfully He was not that long , so i didn't get asked any more questions that i would find hard to answer.
Now all we have to do is wait for the list of dates that both daughter and son can attend it , and then book it and we will be getting married. He wants to do it before the end of this year apparently. i couldn't be more happy, and it is a beautiful Yule present for us both and a great way to start the new Year. Best of all it is a welcome distraction to the illness that i am dealing with. i am blessed.
Hugs have a great Wednesday

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Lots to think about

 After completing the first of what is turning out to be a long list of appointments , the nurse helped me to understand a little better some of the hiccups this body of mine is having. i cant say that i feel any better for this, but i dont feel worse , and i guess this is a positive thing.
Master helped allot the other day by allowing me to do some simple things like make sandwiches for Him and get Him a drink, and not wrapping me up in cotton wool. ( i am the worlds worst patient that i hate sitting still and resting, but i promised Him that i wouldn't go decorating the house or anything else that is major if i could just be allowed to do something .)
It 's weird, the things that we take for granted so much , like doing the odd thing to make Their life nice and stable , or getting that odd whack on the backside is missed so much when it is taken away because of illness. i personally dont get to feel complete without it.
Have a good day all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 15 October 2013

safe spots

 safe spots

Laying spread across the bed
 my skin prickles and mind focuses as i wait
Your voice commands and controls my head
and confusion once again becomes straight

Pain ripples like electric through my mind
i feel the bite of the dragon cane 
The touch of it has to be cruel to be kind
i know its part of what keeps me sane

Counting out loud for every stroke i thank You
Needing and longing for them to burn
Until i am lost in a fog, only Your voice  can guide me through
Teaching me, Loving me all the lessons i must learn

Listening now to Your heart beat 
Your arms surround me , my heads on your chest 
 my love is like a circle so whole and complete
i am safe......i am in the spot i love the best. 

Written for M. K. my beautiful Master Bear
with love from saffy  14/10/2013

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

in the middle of the night

 Had a really bad night last night, i spent most of the night watching/listening to Master sleep and being strangely comforted by the rise and fall of his chest, and while the world outside was waking in bold anticipation of a new day, i felt tired and wanted to crawl back to sleep (again) . i know that laying there awake has done me no favours, but i am just worrying again about hospital visits and appointments. ( It seems with Master's illness and now my own we have spent a long time in these places  the past few months and i would like to think that it could come to an end, but the medication adjustment and the silly blood results have taken care of that again. )
Worse still i know that while the results are not good Master will not allow me to indulge in any play, or hard sessions and my body is craving for his touch and the kiss of our toys. Yes He cuddles and keeps me close, He is strict with trying to keep me focused on the positive things of our lives, but i miss this side of things. ( i know i am a brat .... but this is allowed here cos it is my blog.)
i think my biggest disappointment is that i feel as if i am failing Him, ( He will not like me typing it, but i have to because this is how i feel) While the meds and tests leave me worn out and wanting to curl in a ball at His feet, i can not look after Him and care for His needs and it distresses me more than i can explain.
So here is the plan.
i have to go today and get more blood samples done so they ( the medical people) can understand better how my body is reacting to what is going on and what they need to do next. After this i am going to try and find things that i can be cheerful about and not look at the mess they normally leave behind on my arms ....Remembering to be thankful that at least they are looking after me and know that there is a problem.
i am going to try and rest when i am told by Himself , and not think that i am super girl and can run on  little or no sleep, after all when Master has been poorly i have had to look after Him and do my chores.. It is allowed to rest, and that way i will get back to serving Him quicker....... and normality
i am going to concentrate on creating and writing and looking up things that will help make us feel good and accept that i am human and some days i will need to sleep more.
i am going to remember what He told me last time  that i have the worries that i am not good enough for Him... that He chose me i wear his collar and i am His custard.. His girl.... It does not matter what i cant do only that i am trying the best i can be to be the way he desires. ( After all he only wants what is best for me.)
So if i remember all of this i will be able to get through it all, and i guess the other thing that i should write is that i am going to carry on blogging  , and not hide away............
Have a good Tuesday all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Today has been a day where i wish i could have slept it away.. There could have been several reasons for this but i just refuse to focus on them at the moment. Instead i think that i will focus on the positive things. i am still about and i haven't managed to stuff up in a major way today, although there has been several blips :( .  i managed to make time to make bread this morning and the rolls did rise beautifully.... so why is it that i have this little niggling doubt in the back of my head that wont go away.
i know that i have to redo blood tests tomorrow and last time the nurse who took the blood was not the best and dug the needle about loads.. i know that i feel as if i am not getting my projects done much at the moment... do to feeling  so rough and tired.... and i know i am not coping with the reaction that i seem to have got with the med change last time that is still not going away.
Master is brilliant at reassurance and making me laugh and i am trying not to dwell on things .. so i think i will go and create more things like knitting or sewing.
Have fun all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Friday, 4 October 2013

cake , music and writing

 Last night we had a thunder storm. Not one that just does a couple of ripples of thunder and then disappears, but one that crashes and bangs around for hours and lights up the sky like a flash going off on a camera. i was in bed, and reading, but the sky was more fascinating and i did debate in my brain whether to get up and watch it. ( Not that Master would say anything if i did because He would understand my fascination of the elements as they cleanse the earth. )
At three am i decided that sleep was not going to come and the dog was upset so i went and sat with her, and i think we both curled up together.
This morning it is like the storm never was ( apart from a few damp places on the earth and it looking all nice and bright again), and it struck me it wasn't the only thing that  disappeared over night. The big knot that i have been carrying about with me also seemed to have vanished.  For a week or two i have been holding on to the fact that parts of the house have to be pulled about again to remove old furniture and be replaced by new... and i don't like it .
Fortunately Master seems to have got used to my dislike of new and has tried  to keep things running along smoothly without introducing new furniture but He really did need a new desk. Yesterday we happened to find a beauty while we out for food, and He brought it, today it arrived.. and i have to admit that it looks really nice, despite the worries that i had in my head that it wouldn't fit or that it would look all wrong. Best of all it is a proper wood one and not one of them chipboard ones that so often are found. Once again He was right.
He has also set me the task of finding out the recipe for the Yule cake and getting it finished this week so it has a good soak of brandy before the celebrations. Other things that are being added to the list is more craft work... ( i am meant to finish four blankets before December ) and calligraphy and music practise. It looks like i am going to be busy, but at least i will be focused.
Have a fun weekend all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

 Yesterday was bliss in the fact that we took a whole day off with our grown up daughter and went to the seaside just to chill and relax. There was allot of walking , there always is on these days, and the wind was terrible in the fact that it didn't want to stop blowing hair in my eyes and mouth. i imagined Master looking stressed at the thought that it was going everywhere , but He was OK with it... ( normally He hates hair everywhere and mine has a life of its own now it has grown back.
He treated us all to a hot chocolate in a really old world cafe, and He had His latte. i think he was just enjoying being out with His girls, although i know at times He would rather it was just me and Him it was nice to see both of them messing about on the two penny arcade machines and winning nick nacks.
He surprised me in the fact that He went into the chocolate shop and brought me three different types of sweets... ( some Turkish delight... ( the proper stuff not synthetic), some bootlaces made from liquorice and some chocolate pudding jelly beans .) Once upon a time i would have eaten them all but now they are in little tubs waiting to be used as rewards and waiting to be told i can eat them. This stems back from a day a few  years ago when He was helping me lose weight and brought phish ice cream to see how strong the will power was. None existent, because i love that scream, and i thought it was a treat..... Never assume that the treat was mine to eat any more, i can still remember the disapproval and words that were given, so now  i have learnt to wait for the reward of being given the treat instead of just taking. He also brought me juicy pomegranates and sweet corn on the cob for my healthier side. i love these also.
The trip was a success i think and for the second night i slept with none of the nightmares that had been plaguing my sleep for weeks before this... i say second night because Master had woken me up and sorted my body out in the middle of the night, the day before , ensuring that i had enough reminders on my body to keep me happy and feeling safe , and that i wouldn't forget who was in charge. There is nothing like an aching part of the body to make you owned and cherished.
It would have been nice to have brought some shellfish back with us fresh from the sea, but sadly there has been links to it being the cause of some illnesses that have been going on so this was a no no and it didn't happen... but better this than have had a week ill and unable to do anything or longer .. especially with the new meds being temperamental at times still.
hope everyone is fine this Monday

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Wednesday, 25 September 2013

 Just got back from a day out with Master at a city , window shopping for things for Christmas and getting one of our son's a birthday prezzie and have to say what  a lovely day it was.  Not only was it more like summer but Master also  treated me to a new scarf...... its rather a fabulous looking one all of the colours in the rainbow and nicely textured as well, with a mixture of cotton and wool . ( i guess the description doesn't do it justice but i will try to remember to take a picture of it later. )  i managed to find Master a new pair of braces ( i believe they are called suspenders in USA , with skull and crossbones on them and extra nippy grippy bits at the end. We went to Nando's for dinner and had hot chicken , olives, corn, and  hummus which came with pitta bread. Master fed some of it to me and i was totally happy and spoilt.
On the journey back home He happened to mention that pirate braces as He so fondly called them were not just for holding His trousers up, and of course thinking out of the box, i hope He does not think of it again to soon as i think that He has just found a replacement for the clover clamps that vanished got lost ummmm well i think you get the picture, and the scarf has to uses as well.............( more reports on this when and if it happens....
It has been such a beautiful day , hope you all have a good one as well....

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Monday, 23 September 2013

 While walking our husky this morning i was amazed to see just how much autumn is creeping in, and the colours that have started to change on the plants shrubs and trees since last week. BUT by far the most beautiful thing that i saw as i rambled on with the dog , were hundreds of spider webs hanging delicately in trees , bushes and plants. Some of them stretched across the paths , and some of them were occupied by big fat spiders. Now i don't know if they are there when i go out all the time , or our town has suddenly had an explosion of these creepy things, but there seemed to be a glut of them.
This reminded me of some pictures that Master had been looking at , of Japanese girls with crickets, spiders and bugs crawling over various parts of their bodies and it caused  a shiver to creep up my spine. i am not afraid of the little critters.. growing up on a farm put paid to this, because there was so much wildlife. BUT Master seemed pretty keen at one point to try this bug idea out. So far though He seemed to have forgotten the idea, and i guess i am hoping that he will keep forgetting it as it doesn't appeal that much.
On a more cheerful note, Master has given the marks a refresh every now and again when He comes to bed with His dragon cane. The other night He came in and was greeted with the sight of my naked body mooning at Him as i slept blissfully unaware  sprawled over His side as well as my own. He decided to poke me with the cane, and got no response, , which was followed by apparently a couple of raps.. ( i can not remember i must have been having a good sleep. ) At this point because i was laying so quietly and didn't even move for them , He start to worry that i was dead for a brief second till apparently i rolled over and continued to snooze. ( in His defence i do normally jump about at the thought of that cane and or wriggle everywhere. )
And so when i was told  this in the morning , i thought that He was joking ( He wasn't i have seen the evidence) which only goes to prove that the wriggling a fear that i used to experience is disappearing and can be conquered.
Have fun all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Friday, 20 September 2013

 Today has been a good day,  Master and i unexpectedly got some time  to ourselves , and the sun is out. I have warm fuzzy feelings left over from yesterdays maintenance dragon canes, and the world seems a beautiful place. i have the feeling that the cane strokes are getting harder for these sessions and last night He confirmed it , but this is good because it means my trust for Him using  canes and the actually sight of them no longer sends me into a blind panic. Maybe , just maybe , my phobia of them is vanishing and the legacy of the broken one that was used in anger in a previous relationship is vanishing.
i guess when i was told that the only thing that has the power to scare you is the thing you refuse to face , that it was right.. and now i am well on my way to enjoying something that Master obviously loves.
Hope you all have fun and a good weekend
hugs saffy

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 19 September 2013

 Monday night was a nightmare , middle son had decided that he wanted to go to a midnight game launch for GTA5, and the person that had kindly said that they were going to take him  and his friend pulled out at the last minute. So, Master ended up taking Him and said that i could go along .
We, well Master, mistakenly thought that it was going to be like the warcraft game launch we went to , but , how wrong we were .
The queue must have been for three hundred people , twelve O'clock came and went and the queue was whittled down person by person with only fifteen being allowed in the shop at once, and then some of them had trade ins so even this was not straight forward. Master decided that we would go for a walk while my son and his friend waited in the queue. We walked keeping an eye open for a place that was open and sold coffee , ( not an easy thing when it has gone midnight and there is no place open,) finally finding a lonely kebab shop by the sea , With very nice owners, who got  a surprise order and we purchased kebabs for us all...
By the time we got back to the shop it had been nearly an hour since we left, and the queue was larger than ever... Son looked as if he had not moved in his place at all, so we headed to the car to eat.. Crowds are not my thing and i get panicky in built up crowded areas.. but having Master by my side although i was scared, i coped. Finally son got the game at three am in the morning.. and Master has said we will NOT be going to any more midnight launches.
After having a very relaxing day the next day i was taken out for a meal the yesterday and He paid to have my hair done, while He went shopping  . He would have done this on Monday as it was our anniversary and even though we celebrate it on October 31st ,( as this was the date He moved in) the 16th of September was the first the date of the first time we met. and so we do try to do something special each year on these days as well.
Hugs to you all and have a good Thursday

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Kenzie's spanking questions... thanks they made me smile.

1.) Was there a certain event from your life, that sparked the spanking interest? If so, feel free to share:
Not that i can remember. 

2.) What do you most often call your HOH/Spanker? (Sir, Master, etc.)
 Bear or Master depending on who is about . ( we came up with Bear because i felt so safe with him like a giant teddy bear, and it is a non offensive term to use when there are nilla people about .

3.) What does your HOH/Spanker most often call you? (Young Lady, Girl, etc)
custard, girl or on the very odd occasion my real name ... depends who is about. 

4.) We're building a big spanko bonfire, which one implement are you bringing to toss in?
As much as i would like to say an implement , i am not allowed to ( i made a promise before he moved in never to bin, burn or get rid of any equipment before he moved in , when i jokingly said i was going to burn  some of the toys we had, when he wasn't there ) But if i hadnt have made that promise it would be clover clamps... they do get lost loads :D .

5.) We all know how many punishments there are to choose from; spanking, lecturing, corner time, etc.. but what about rewards? Do you have a favorite 'reward' that is used? If not, what's something you'd like used as a reward?
My favourite reward is Him running me a hot bath with some bath oils in it and just being able to have float time  while He cooks dinner. 

6.) What's that one phrase, that when it's used, you know you're in trouble?
Its not a phrase it is an eyebrow raising up while the other one remains still....and a big sigh.... 

7.) What's something you'd like to cross off your spanking bucket list? Being shy is not an option here people. ;)
Spanks on a mountain top... don't ask why, it just appeals .

8.) Someone comes to you, and says they just started practicing domestic discipline. What's the biggest piece of advice you can give them?
We are all different , dont think that your journey will be the same as anyone elses, or the same as the bdsm films/books you might have read... enjoy it and always remember why you entered the lifestyle. 

9.) Where is the craziest place you've been spanked?
the middle of a busy department store with a frying pan that He had decided to buy... just to see if it had a good smackability to it. 

10.) We talked about a spanking bucket list, now let's get a little more into it.. what about a BDSM style bucket list? What's something you'd like to cross off of that?
Probably going away for a week in one of those specially designed houses , so we could just have a private weekend of play and use equipment that we dont have and best of all not be disturned by family lol.
11.) Is there a punishment you thought you'd never try, but ended up trying and finding effective?
Does this have to be answered................(ok it would be having my pc time taken from me, hopefully this is small enough for him not to be able to read )
12.) What is something you wish you knew before you started DD/TTWD?
Communication can save allot of sore red bums (silence isnt always golden) 

13.) If you could take a break from one rule, for one week, which rule would it be?
 i wouldn't want to...the rule is there to keep me safe and as much as i loathe it at times.... i can also respect and accept it.
14.) This might sound like a no brainer at first, but really think about it. If you could only have one sort of spanking in your dynamic, would you rather it be discipline or fun?
Discipline. there are other ways to have fun...muhahahahaha

15.) If your HOH/Spanker messed up, and offered to let you spank them, would you? Why/Why not?
No, because we all make mistakes, i never get punished for a genuine mistake and i wouldn't do it to Him if He did.. we are both human. 

16.) What is your favorite form of aftercare?
my safe spot under His arm and the masses of cuddles i get. 

17.) How was DD/spanking brought up to you, or how did you bring it up to your partner?
i  replied to His advert on an internet site.. and so it didn't really need to be brought up as it was a BDSM one. 

18.) If your spanker could use only one implement from here on out, what would they use?
His hand... it is always with Him 

19.) Do you have a favorite pair of panties to wear when you know you're going to be spanked? If so, what are they?
i am not allowed panties with spanks ... so.. no

20.) Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on how you look at it) mind reading hasn't yet been perfected. What's something you want your HOH/Dom/Spanker to know? (For example, don't be afraid to spank harder, or something along those lines.) Don't be afraid, spill!
Dont be afraid to take me deeper i wont break :P *Bonus Question (just because it's fun)- Is there a picture (spanking, dd, Ds, etc related) that you just really love? If so, let's see it!*
the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Sunday, 15 September 2013


 Just a  quick note to say hi, i am still about but being kept uber busy by Himself and life. We have had a lovely week , and i seem to have allot of glitches sorted out by Master, least said, but there is a bit of a reminder going on every time i sit down. ( and it makes me grin as well) .
Instant girl happiness.........just add dragon cane and listen to the sighs of pleasure.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Monday, 9 September 2013

the juggler

 The sun , ( despite the weather report of the last few days ) has decided to shine again nice and bright, scorching the already burnt grass, and making it a deceptively warm day. i suppose i should really be doing all sorts of good things , such as finishing staining the fence and gate in the back garden, the extra bit of weeding that has sprung up, at the front garden. Instead of this i am inside on the PC , waiting , because i know that i am also meant to be ready to go shopping for the youngest ones birthday gift when Himself is ready. (i can not believe she is twenty-two this year and i guess i kind of feel old.)
Watching our young ones grow up , for me, has been a constant juggling act, putting their needs and wants in place and trying not to spoil them, the mini mile stones that they make like the oldest ones first day at University, or when the youngest got her job in a bank, the middle one when he achieved a goal, ( he is autistic) and then , just about seven years ago , meeting Master for the first time and adding Him in the balance that is tossed up in the air  and caught again.
i think i knew it would be hard to add someone in the equation to catch the balls for me (as so to speak) and even toss them in the different direction to add  a knew slant to things, but i am so glad that i did it, and indeed that He agreed to become part of this ever changing life that we live in.
It has taken me , a long time to let go of the reigns, and acknowledge that i don't really need a safety net because there is already one there from Master. i am still learning about the way he likes things done.... and trying not to keep to my old routines ( or to expect to be able to keep to them) , but i am so glad that this is working.  Even on the days that i think that it i am failing i only have to look back to see the good things and progress and know that it is the right path... ( a rocky one at times, but hey nobody said it would be easy) .
The hardest part in the beginning ,i think for me this time, was to allow myself to trust this Man , who cares and loves me so completely, and not give others room to judge Him,  or think that He would hurt me or damage me beyond what has been done  by others before. He did in fact help  me to heal, and become a stronger more caring person. i don't know if others see this.... ( and to be honest i don't really care, as i know He is right for me.) i just know  we both made the right decision .
So i unlearn the other things that previous relationship Masters have taught me and learn to do it Master's way....... NOBODY EVER TOLD ME HOW HARD IT WOULD BE TO DO THIS, because i suppose it is like using the left hand when you are right handed or visa verso, and in the beginning it feels unnatural... but after the talks and the closeness that we have shared the last few days it starts to feel correct and the old ways have become alien.
So we toss up more balls ... i graciously accept the name of custard that he has started to call me ... ( don't ask) and we create a dazzling display of love and security for ourselves .
Have a good monday all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 5 September 2013

 Taking direction and doing things for myself is sometimes hard.  i had a relationship years ago when the time that i had was micromanaged, and as silly as this sounds i kind of got on quite well with this system as i knew exactly what i was meant to be doing and what i wasn't. It might have helped also that i knew if i wasn't doing it that there would be consequences to pay.
Anyhow that was the past. At the moment , because of various points in our lives... Master seems to be OK for me to drift  along and make decisions on my own and do things . Yes granted there is a list of things that i was given ages ago and i am asked why i don't use these, and yet i feel there are no boundaries , and am kinda trying to decide whether this is a good thing or not.
Sometime i worry when i write things on here that i am a whining brat.... i know that at times because i don't conform to others ideas straight off , that sometimes Himself thinks so, and yet this is my blog and my place to vent and say what is on and in my mind. If it was always sugar and roses and nothing was ever wrong then it  would not be right.
All i know is that with the heat and the way things are i am finding life tough at the moment.
Hugs to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Monday, 2 September 2013

 Well, yesterday Master and i finally had the house to ourselves, and i think He made up for all the times He had planned things , and they hadn't happened. As for me i am walking about with a large grin on my face and feeling good.
He decided that He could use His hands to make me cum and use them He did, so much so that He then found the special spots ( to my embarrassment afterwards ) that made me squirt and continued to make me cum and soak the bed over and over again. ( At least the bed has been christened now) If some one had have asked me what day it was i  don't think that i would have been able to tell them.
Of course He added me the extra bit of pain factor in at the end as well.... and to be honest i think at some point i begged for the cane as well.
Sadly time is not on our side most of the days , but when there is a gap Master always manages to fill it and make me one content ,(if not a little sore) girl. But for now i am meant to be reviewing my instructions and lists..... (September crept up on me and i have not done this) and i better do it before Tuesday.
Take care all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 31 August 2013

At the moment i feel as if my submissive side has been put on a shelf to watch the world go by, and i miss the kiss of  a cane and the feeling of my leather cuffs. i know i am probably learning patience (or something like that) but it is a hard lesson to learn , and my body has started to ache for the want of a good session from His hand. i thought about being bratty, but in truth this would probably just annoy Him , and so i must keep going and try not to let bratt girl out, hoping the drought of  sessions, and control will end soon.
hugs to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 29 August 2013


 Life is like a game of frustration at the moment... Yesterday we had our day all nice planned, Dr's for me for a check up before spending the afternoon/evening having some fun time and relaxation together. ( OK so is aid we planned but it never turned out that way)
First of all the nurse who was to do my checks was running nearly 45 mins behind... and so after waiting all this time, she finally saw me , and did none of them. She asked that i re booked and saw my GP another day GRRRRRRRRRR.
And so Master, not phased by this ( i was, because i had not eaten so the glucose test would have been right and by this time was kind of cranky) , took me off to have a brunch at a cafe... I got spoilt with extra treats like fresh olives and ginger brought for me ...
On arriving home i was sent for a nap, and He was fixing some problems that had occurred on one of the PCs and low and behold the middle son appeared home. Bang went any chance of play because although He is an adult there was no way that he was going to go out so we could have the house to ourselves again , as his friend had let him down and he was in a bad mood. ( grrrrrrr to his friend)
Well i did get treated to dinner by my Master, and i have to remember that i was not the only one that was feeling down about all the glitches...
 This morning i was sent flowers by Himself , and hopefully tonight ( when the son goes out to his group, play can happen) Until then i am having my own game of frustration . Sometimes it's a game i just can not win.
Have a good day all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Monday, 26 August 2013


The sun has come back out again today with avengence after yesterdays rain storm. and i feel better as Master had a few more swats of maintenance to do on my backside.
This morning made me  smile, because i had a few extra things that i was able to do for Master, ( i always work better and seem happier when i have a routine to follow and a set of extra tasks.) He had wanted extra rolls for  lunch time , so i got to it baking enjoying the pounding of the dough as i molded it into shape and fashioned his rolls. Everything seem to be in place, and every time i walked i got a few more twinges from the top of my thighs where the latest swats had been keeping me kind of focused on Him and sending my love for Him into the bread. ( He must of liked them because now they are just about all gone )
A trip out ( to see a family member )  made both of us feel a little *sadden* as he ( the family member), proceeded to complain about everything and anything and didn't seem to notice the beautiful day that we were having.
And so my beautiful Man has gone to rest , and while He does so i think that i will go and make some more bread, and other goodies . Have a fabulous rest of Monday all
the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Sunday, 25 August 2013


 After waking at some ungodly hour i finally decided to get out of bed at five thirty, i will be cranky later and maybe go for a nap , but sleep was just not coming and i was fed up with watching the minutes tick by on the clock's projection on the ceiling.
Yesterday was rainy and stormy, but the positive was that it left the grass (that was a scorched brown colour)  starting to turn green again. Its like it was just waiting for the rain to grow and flourish. Sometimes i guess that i feel a little like this, burnt and spent wondering why i can not grow and then something will nourish me and i grow strong and tall again.
A discussion the other evening  actually helped accent how people can be at an event and yet still see different things, and made me sad. i don't want to give up my dreams or stop believing the good in people, i just want to see the positives in all things.
i will succeed in focus and making people proud, and i am safe, i am who i am and nobody can take that away from me unless i allow them to.
have a good Sunday all, the one constant is that the sun always comes up in the morning as far as i can tell.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 24 August 2013


 Still having a lot of trouble in focusing on things that should be a priority, or at least become part of my routine . Maybe it is the extra meds that i have had to take the last month, maybe it is just that the body senses change going on around me or maybe it is just the way i am, but it does not feel good.
Yesterday brought me three sharp raps on the bottom with a metal fish slice, not the flat side but the side, and it hurt because they were hard... i can still feel them today, and yes i deserved them because i had said to Himself that the DC hadn't hurt me in a moment of madness.. ( it does but i like it) . News flash, i also liked the fish slice.
Back to focus, this was meant to be my priority for the month, and here we are over half way through and feeling low because i know in my heart of hearts that i have let myself down by not following my routine and lists.
Maybe the last week and the next month will get better. ( but i promise i will try and blog at least once a day and try and take/ make more pictures.. )
Hugs to all
have a good weekend all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Wednesday, 14 August 2013


 Well it was Tuesday yesterday , and it was maintenance day. i thought that Master would have forgotten... He does not have the best memory at these things, but no... at ten O'clock it was count and thank time. Although i told myself that i didn't need such things as a dragon cane tonight , i can not believe how much better i felt afterwards, or indeed or how much better if felt today.
Master took me to a seaside town today and parked the car miles from where we wanted to go to, i must admit i didn't want to walk that far, and yet it was enjoyable and i had fun... ( i did kind of tell Him He could have parked closer, but His answer was that we both could do with the walk and a look that told me not to push it) ~that and the strokes that i had last night were raped all be it gentle made me realise He was serious.
i think i am enjoying the maintenance Tuesday and Thursday but shhhh don't tell cos i am not sure that i am meant to.
Have a good rest of the day all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 8 August 2013

scratchy me

Today seems to have stretched on and on for ever . As well as the normal things that need to be done, we have been to a small town by the sea , ( that was over run by small , medium and large children) Crowded was not the word for it, and this mixed with the heat made brat girl want to come out.
Master managed to get  a quick hair cut, but we postponed any sea front walking because of the people. i got a bit sad on the inside because of this, and it is not often Master does not offer to take me to the beach when we are this near, but i guess that the unruly behaviour of some put even Him off.
 i looked at one couple and see so much can not be bothered in the attitude towards others , as the lady fiddled with her cell phone and ignored the three children , and the man asked the shop assistant a question after stuffing his mouth full of food ( spraying the poor girl with quaver crisps) It wouldn't have been so bad but she said pardon, and he dutifully repeated the question after re stuffing his mouth again.
i can just imagine Master's reaction if i behaved this way , and i don't think my bum would thank me for it, i am also pretty sure that i never ignored my children when they were this age ( cos according to them i don't now and they are the grand ages of 27 , 26, 24 ,23, and 22.) i just wondered when we turned into a civilisation that is more interested of technical matters than ordinary ones.  Having one leader and the rest followers works in our house, maybe others should try it.
At the same time they might pick up some common sense and manners.
but i guess i ask to much.......and yes i am in a scratchy mood.
hugs.. hope all are having a better day than me

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

sleepy me

 So tired this morning , even though i must have got a full nine hours sleep. It is so hot here at the moment, and the cool air from the fans don't seem to do much to stop my body from melting .Emotionally i feel slightly drained as well, because it was my birthday yesterday and i spent the day feeling on edge. Master always gets slightly stressed at our young adults, that they never seem to remember such dates and don't seem to be able to get the cards and gifts to me on time... and it makes me worry all day that today will bring a tirade of criticisms from Him . i have tried to say to Him that i am happy with just a birthday wish but He thinks i deserve more, and then lectures about it.
The name custard seems to have stuck and orders that are particularly important to Him are emphasised by using it. It makes me realise just how often at times i probably didn't hear what He was saying.
Maybe  i shouldn't be blogging today as i am struggling to deal with a wave of bleakness that has fallen over me. i guess that i am just tired.
hugs to all
have a good Tuesday
saffy x

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Sunday, 4 August 2013

A quick Pitstop

 i now know why He chose our new bed .... It has to be because He can bend me over it three of the four sides and start to paddle my bum and i cant get away from Him any more at the end of it. ( not that i did that much before but i guess there was always an option) Thursdays nights maintenance was .....not a s bad as i had have thought... at least i feel myself a little again after it and do not feel so detached from the rest of the lifestyle
Master went shopping for gifts for my birthday this morning , and i got sent to bed ( i guess He sussed last year i nosed out of the window trying to see what he had got as surprises... He said it was hot and clammy at the town , and has gone to lay down. i on the other hand am now wide awake  and  full of curiosity
i  have been keeping to my list of quiet things to do but all the noisy things taunt me, i guess i should go and brew Him some fresh coffee , and see if He is OK as His sugar levels have been far to high of late.
Have fun bloggers ...
saffy x

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 1 August 2013

After the storm

It seems so long since the last blog post and so many things seem to have happened...
1) i got a new "pet name" of custard~ Master has decided to call me custard (don't laugh)  In some situations  He thinks that  i go into my" i can take on and rule the world mode," when out and/or among people that are vanilla and do not understand our relationship dynamics .  He picked this as He loves custard.... i don't , but then it should remind me to behave . He has also used it on the bratty phase when i am overstepping the boundaries and don't  realise it.
2) Maintenance has been stepped up ~ ( the jury is out on this one for me as to whether this is a good thing or not ) Now Thursday and Tuesday are  cane nights , no ifs and the only butt apparently is mine......  i guess i was lucky to get away with no maintenance for such a long period of time , and on reflection it is good for me because i know that i won't be able to pretend to myself that He is not keeping an eye one me.
He is also keeping a closer eye on my chores , ( not that they needed this as i love doing them) my bed time, and my reading time when i have gone to bed.
All of these things were put in place after i had a rash moment the other day and caused a blazing upset by waking Him up by crashing things about in a shed under our bedroom window.. ( i wake early in the summer , i always have done and blackout curtains don't seem to help me ) My extra job for the day was to clean out the shed , and get rid of the rubbish............ my idea was to get it done before anyone else was up, so i could have time to spend doing other things later in the day.. Well i won't be making that mistake again in a hurry, apparently metal on concrete is loud and so is me sweeping the cobwebs away when the rest of the world slumbers on. i didn't mean to wake Him, but it happened , and it was made worse because the  previous morning he had been woken early also and so was still tired.
His tolerance of my , but you told me to do it was practically zero and so were my negotiation skills , i was upset as i thought i was only doing as i was told.. i was also hot and worn out by that time. Things calmed down after an half hour of a lecture ( and yes He was justified in it looking back on the event , and i am now ashamed of myself) and later in the evening a list of "quiet" chores and  the new things put i place. ( i guess i should explain Master has had sleep apnea since he was a child and His sleep is precious to Him )
i am grateful now to Him doing this for me , and i really hope that i don't upset Him to much with points etc,  i can see me either learning to love His dragon canes   or pulling up my big girl panties and weathering the residue after the storm. ( and He says that there are more changes to come when i get used to these ones)
Have a good rest of the week all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 25 July 2013

 The silence for the last week has been brought on by working through a whole load of things that have built up in my silly noodle head that should have been discussed with MK a long time ago.
i started a new work book... not  just  an online one and renewed the play list that i did for Him six plus years ago.. This was brought on , because , of my fatal love hate relationship with canes. i really want to love them , because i know that He loves them, and because if i could let go i would quite enjoy the dragon cane and the thicker ones, but i freeze when i see them coming because of the past issues.
So... i copied this BDSM list out of all the things that i have  done before , and have saved the check list for Him and i to go through together. This might help because it is a chance for us both to communicate , Him what He enjoys giving and myself what i enjoy to receive...though ultimately i know the decisions are always His it feels good to be making sure that things are going well.
Asthma has been another downfall of late , giving me a hard time and making me feel drained the whole time, and Master also discovered , by taking me to the dr's somehow i have managed to catch an ear infection , so there goes my dairy intake out of the window again, until the antibiotics clear it up.
All in all though things are pretty good, and i did have a lovely surprise on tuesday of Master taking me out to the restaurant to eat... He allowed me to order...( because i thought that i could remember the dish we had the last time that we went there,) and i ordered  the wrong thing..... the menus had been changed and we ended up with a very fruity curry , with mango and creme fresh in it.. lovely in itself i guess but not if you are expecting a spicy hot dish. i felt awful, and although we both ate it and it was not unpleasant , it left a slight damper on the evening because it wasn't really what either of us were expecting. ( i wont be allowed to order again any time in the near future , i have been told, but i will keep an eye on the list of ingredients that are there , so we dont end up with mango based dish next time.
Today i was brought flowers and some ice lollies when He was out , to cool me down and cheer me up with the heat.... Sometimes He is very romantic and loving and i feel the luckiest girl alive.
Have a good rest of the week all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Monday, 15 July 2013

 Not much happening here... apart from a spell of really hot weather, which is making me cranky and tired the whole time, and oh yes,  i got my nails done the other day,  Because of the not being able to use my hand and now having to wear protection for it when doing chores etc, i now have beautifully grown nails that i can varnish, ( only with clear stuff though) and am proud to look at .
They have been shaped and have strengthener on them and i am really proud that i managed this.
On a more negative note though i managed to upset Master in the middle of a town we were at because i didn't listen to Him properly. In my defence i was tired hot and it was noisy, but there is no excuse. He was also hot and tired , so it probably wasn't a good combination. i was told over  a cool drink that there would be No minute after ten tonight , no excuses i would be on time with my bed routine... and i had ten hours to brush the dog... this has now dwindled to five.. i better go do this..
have fun all


the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 13 July 2013


 This morning has been good... i have left Master a surprise in the fact that i budgeted my time so well this morning , i have managed to find time to finish His pair of shorts. ( an Unfinished Project) and left them out this morning for Him to wear. 
Yesterday when a blip of cheekiness slipped from my lips, Master gave me the choice of a point, ( i could have banked it as i have none this month, BUT the punishment for five is not nice) or a spank. i chose a spank, because yes i might not get the five points , but knowing that p.m.s is to come i probably might do, especially as himself is a little more stricter for now.
Well i collected my one spank that turned into two with a wooden spoon.... it smarts but at least it is not hanging over my head any more
Have a good weekend all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Friday, 12 July 2013

An update

 OK now i feel a plonker. i talked to Master and He was pleased that i did... First and foremost i have to be myself, and not compare myself to those He has had before , or how i think He wants me .. Secondly He says that He did not mean the comment the way i had took it, and i somehow wonder if i am going to regret saying to Him  that i think at times He is soft on me because He loves me...
Next came another message indirectly from Morning Star... (sorry i have not yet mastered the art of linking blogs )In which she talked about doing 24/7 hers and her Sir's way not any other way, and i suddenly realise this is what i have been doing .. comparing myself to others.
i am a plum... .
i am off to have a nap and get fresh for tonight

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

friday blues

i woke far to early today, as i forgot to shut the window in our bedroom and a flock of seagulls nosily interrupted my sleep. Fortunately Master seem to have slept through this,( though i am sure that He will tell me later if He wasn't asleep) and i have been able to have time on the pc and blog for a few uninterrupted minutes. Trouble is , as normal doubts about my ability to be good enough for Him creep in as the house sleeps on.
Sometimes i doubt my ability to be all that He needs and wants from His girl, and yet He is still here and loves me , with this love i notice though, that He sometimes allows me to get away with things that i wouldn't have done before.  When this happens i sit and wonder why, and it either swings one way or the other...
Maybe i will try extra hard , or maybe brat girl comes in and pushes boundaries even harder. Lately knowing that He is not well i have tried extra hard, but was somewhat slapped hard (mentally) by Him telling me i never did as  i was told during the shoe incident, and i wasn't 24/7. ( i should have done as i was told straight off... but there was not retribution other than a caustic tongue)
i must confess this has remained with me most of the night , ( and yes i guess i should be talking to Him about it {but i have not got to that stage yet} )
So today i have done my chores... before nine... and am now heading into our garden to take out my confusion on an overgrown honeysuckle and flower bed that i have noticed is being choked.
Have fun all in blogger land, i guess i am just in a low at waking to early and over analysing things.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 11 July 2013

But i am unique

 i guess saying" i am unique" and doing things differently all ones life does not cut ice when being told to do something, nor does "but i always leave them there ".........The objects in question were my shoes, Master wanted them upstairs, but does not like me going outside without them on, nor wearing slippers outside, and so i like to keep them downstairs hidden from sight under the coffee table. ( i have done this for nearly six years .... and i had no problem about it ) HOWEVER it would seem He had.
It made no iota of difference that shoes had always been kept by the door when i was young , nor that it was a long way to go crashing upstairs to get them every time the dog went out... The new home for shoes was upstairs. "i don't think so" also was a wrong answer.
In some ways i guess that He is right, because there has been in excess of four pairs of shoes dotted about the living room, and one has to pick them up every time it is hoovered etc, to say nothing of the times i hadn't noticed my sons.and nearly fell over them.. and yet i felt defiant, because i didn't want to travel upstairs every time that i went outside. ( i guess a sensible answer was to wear them but in this weather it is far to hot and i dislike things against my skin)
Short end to the story , our shoes now live upstairs, not anywhere downstairs..and i should not be such a brat as to have argued in the first place... i have a feeling that i may regret this when my earache is better. 
ps i only had one pair of shoes downstairs.. the rest were other peoples...
hugs have a good thursday

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Wednesday, 10 July 2013

 The  time in our house seems to fly past of late. Today has been no different, Master and i went bed hunting , after Master decided that the bed that  had been ordered would be no good for us and  decided to  cancel it , and then go and lay on what seems like hundreds of  other ones. i must admit the one that He has finally ordered  ( to arrive in two weeks time) is far superior to the original , including places to store lots of toys . It is also very comfortable and i could have quite easily fell asleep in the store.
Last night saw the return of the ugly stick ( a thick wood drum stick) and a jam preserve spoon... very nice and springy and with a surprising bite to each of them , specially when not expecting it.  He also had out the magic wand which my body loves and brought me some well needed rest and relaxation. Strange thing is now, all the stress magically disappeared.
On a funny note our fur baby had a yellow face yesterday ( it's normally a white and grayish one)  , and i had to think hard as to why. Finally it clicked that she had been thrusting her nose into other peoples hedges whilst she on her walk and one had a wild clump of tiger lily's growing in it.... It must have been from these... and yet it looked as it she had been covered in yellow poster paint. Thank goodness that she does not have hay fever but i think that we will walk another route until these have gone in case she happens to find a bee .......
It also reminded me of the time when Master and i were decorating our lounge... ( well um maybe that should read Master was decorating and i was cleaning up and making coffee..... ) and He threatened to paint my skin with left over emulsion... and then make patterns on it with some toys. not something that i would have been impressed with at the time , but it left with with a wonder if it would get tight as it dried, how it would feel etc..
Anyhow so far i have managed to escape this and He seems to have forgotten about it.
Have a good Wednesday all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 6 July 2013

garden days.

 The last few days have been spent outside virtually trying to get our garden back into shape , planting the many flowers, both home grown and brought from the garden centre and weeding out the weeds, brambles and such like. ( considering that it was raining so much before the sun we are now having we sure have got an awful lot of weeds growing.)
i have started to appreciate  being able to make a space or area pretty and nice to spend time in ( that is when out husky doesn't  pinch the flowers off the begonias..... ( she seems to like red ones ) and eat the lettuce plants. ) Its kind of nice  being able to show something for my work in the mornings. i guess it is quite therapeutic also .... and keeps my mind from straying to other things.
On a down note Master is once again suffering from a bad back.. it must be bad because He is taking pain relief, something that i have rarely seen Him do , but help ( i hope) is at hand as we are getting a new bed with a special mattress  next week and i am hoping that this may help.
The hand although dressing free still has flare ups of swelling and does not like the sun at all.. It is fascinating to look at as you can clearly see the different layers of skin , It also gets quite painful by the end of the day  but i am thankful that the redness is not as large anymore.
The kettle arrived this morning with a built in water filter , ( Master was hoping this will help that it does not get so furred up with limescale , which is so rife in this area) i quite like it as it is scarlet, and because of the filter in it i have to pour in one cup at a time. The down side is that it is going to cost a little extra as we now have to change its filter once a week...
This months learning curve for me is trying to evaluate my time, fortunately i have not picked up any extra points at the moment ... but it is early days , Master also says that i have been getting a little smart with comments so i am secretly trying to work on this as well.
Hope everyone has a good weekend.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Monday, 1 July 2013


 i was feeling really positive this morning, the hand is so much better, it has lost most of the bandages and now only has tubigrip on and plenty of Vaseline. And so i started on the catch up game , trying to make our house a home again with all the little things that have not been done and i can do now. Every time that brat girl came into my head ( usually when i was doing some type of cleaning that i dislike) i thought back how pants it felt when i couldn't do any of it. And so i have managed to achieve quite allot and downstairs is just about back to normal.
Master had his birthday the other day and it was quiet affair, but we had a barbecue in the garden , and then He and our middle son went to play pool. ( i watched , because one, i can not play to save my life and two i had a genuine excuse this time with my hand all sore still. )
It was fun though and i managed to make Him laugh while watching him, he says i have a transparent face, i hope not , because otherwise the whole of the pub would have known i was making rude plans to play on the pool table , just not with their kind of balls and cue sticks..
I really feel peaceful at the moment and keep waiting for something to go wrong and my bubble to burst.
hope that everyone else is happy and enjoying a fresh new month

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

Its been a stormy day at our house, both weather wise and one of the occupants...sometimes i wonder if i have actually spoilt my young adults ( i would hope i ha vent , but attitudes like today says i might have done) Thankfully the person in question chose to go out and left Master to sort my saddened mood out, which He did very adequately with a drum stick, His dragon cane and lots of squeezing and poking with sharp nails... oh and of course alot of pleasure.
(i am sure our neighbours must know when something is happening at our house because we have music on LOUD and the curtains get drawn)
Anyhow although i am a little sore i feel so much calmer and not in a spiral of despair and  self doubt,instead i am ready to face the world again and smile.
i think also i may have burst the blister on my hand yesterday as it is so sore today and feels hot but i dare not look in case it is , i will leave it to the nurse.
Hope you all had a good Monday ... mine was in the end and best of all i still have not managed to gather another point so am still safe from the mysterious punishment.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Monday, 24 June 2013

 Master brought me a blackberry nearly six months ago to replace the little phone i had , and so i could keep in touch with two of the young adults easily and for a fraction of the cost of my old one. I was rather bemused at the time, i had an ipod, and i have never been a gadget girl or so i thought , but this little phone has been a boon to me.
The old phone would have sent texts yes, but this one says to me if they have been received, is easy to use and has a little camera and so many other things on it  that i am still learning about it. Invaluable when you have a young adult that doesn't always answer and don't now if they have received said message.
Yet another time Master has been so clever with His idea of what i will use. i should really learn to just realise that sometimes( who am i kidding) pretty much all the time He knows me so well , better than myself almost.
And so i am trusting Him that He is right about the rest that i am meant to be taking, and the fact that since the injury occurred to my hand i have not had much contact to the pain that i crave. ( yes the hand is painful but i miss the controlled pain) He gave me a perk this morning by twisting  the nipples when i was sassy to Him . It is hard but i know He is doing this for my good and so i am ticking the days off the calender till next Wednesday when i know more of how the blister and burnt skin is healing.
hope everyone is having a good Sunday

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 22 June 2013

Day seven

 Things are so much easier at the moment, i find myself obeying and not wanting to test the boundaries as so to speak because of the safety and care that i am feeling from Master , because of the scald. It had frustrated me until yesterday that i couldn't do what i wanted , such as make our bread, cook properly and even bathing was a trial... and i really hoped that the dressing would have come off by now, but no.. and so seven days later there is no end in site to it being removed and i might as well just accept it.
It has been a humbling , but learning curve watching Master do the things that i normally do, but it is good as well , because He has shown true care and love to me , ( i have to say it is amazing the things that one can actually adapt to doing one handed though)
Maybe i will think twice before wishing others would help while i am doing big household chores, because it will be pleasing to be able to do them and get the satisfaction of pleasing my Master by my actions.
So for now i have to rest and concentrate on getting fit and healthy again, but i am also planning to try and do the little things that i can manage, and try not to be a pain to everyone.
On a brighter note  there is likely to be a fair few days that are just Master and i coming up so  , maybe , the dragon cane will come out and i will get a few stripes to decorate my backside etc.....
Have a good weekend all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 20 June 2013

 i have been avoiding posting on my blog for nearly a week now, because i had another accident at home and didn't want to write whilst i felt so down about it.
Last week i missed the cup while i was pouring out boiling water for the tea , and managed to water my hand with it instead. i was left with anger, (at myself) ~even though it was caused by my tic, and couldn't have been helped, and pain, and have had to live for  a week with dressings and bandages on it. It looks like it will be like that for a while as it is a bad burn....... BUT it could have been worse.
So because of the pain , i have not been able to type that well... i still cant... and i have started to be thankful the not being able to use it is only a temporary thing...i hate not being able to bathe properly ( Master has had to help) Wash my hair......( Master has done it) , cook, clean and practically everything. ( thankfully, i have been helped with the major things and the little things just have to wait. )
So why avoid, well... because i know deep inside i was told not to fill the kettle up several times by a certain person , ( but He hasn't said i told you so) because i feel incredibly guilty, and by writing it down it is acknowledging that i have got it wrong...(again) , believe me i feel bad about it and it is libel to leave a permanent scar to remind me.
i also managed to "earn" 4 out of my five points for the month in one morning by being sassy to Him, i guess that i will just have to lay low and keep a buttoned lip till the month is over, because i don't think that i could bare to let Him down now after He has been so good to me.
hope everyone else is having a better time

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Friday, 14 June 2013

 Today the sun is out.... the wind has blown all the wet weather that we were having away, and i feel GOOD. Mind you i dont know if this has anything to do with the weather, or the fact that Master tried His new makeshift paddle out on my backside yesterday. 
Some time ago, whilst visiting our daughter, we had been shopping at an Adnam's shop ( one of Master's favourite ales) and discovered that it had a lovely cooking utensil shop at the back of it. i had to try looking at masses of wooden chopping boards all different sizes, lengths and woods and not have drooling thoughts. i loves the ones made out of oak and of olive.... ( although the ash ones had a beautiful grain running in them. ) Master picked on out and  i have to admit it felt lovely in my hands, but i wondered how something that was so long and thick was going to feel on my backside. i cheekily said that He couldnt have it until His birthday and hid it. ( promptly forgetting where i had stashed it away)
This all occured a few weeks ago ..... i had almost forgotten about it... i say almost .... Lets just say last night i  was reminded of it again ,( as it was found by Himself) just in a tester situation, It feels as good as it looks and is a king among paddles. ( although i am sure it is a posh cheese board or chopping board.) Not only does it leave a nice throbby sting as it meets with the butt cheeks ... it also continues to throb with none of the gaps  of coolness that you get with our littler paddles or a wooden spoon. All this from only three spanks.
(  i had thought that the wooden spoon with holes in it  was one of my favourite implements, but now i am not so sure.....) i am truely hoping that it the paddle ( or Master's sandwich board as He calls it ) will be used more than the three spanks that i got with it last night, and that other smaller things with be added to  emphasise it.
Have a fun Friday all.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 13 June 2013

Peaceful happiness

 Today has been good, Good that i don't think that i was bratty, that i have not over done the work, and that i managed to get the library books changed. ( that's always important to me , because although i have two kindles i love the feel of a real book to read just before i go to sleep. .... and we have a thing that Master does not like the kindles to be read in bed in case they are dropped. )
I feel a kind of calm has descended on me , a kind of peace. i am guessing that it might have something to do with the word association game, Master got me to shout out a football team while i was climaxing last play time after each wave of pleasure or during it.... and now when He sees i am getting lost He has been saying the word and i am transported back to that pleasure that He gave me.
He has given me so much guidance today when i look back on it without me even realising it, and i just want to do more and more to please Him.. ( i  do hope bratgirl doesn't come back)
i just feel so peaceful and calm
Happy Wednesday to all . 

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .