the juggler

 The sun , ( despite the weather report of the last few days ) has decided to shine again nice and bright, scorching the already burnt grass, and making it a deceptively warm day. i suppose i should really be doing all sorts of good things , such as finishing staining the fence and gate in the back garden, the extra bit of weeding that has sprung up, at the front garden. Instead of this i am inside on the PC , waiting , because i know that i am also meant to be ready to go shopping for the youngest ones birthday gift when Himself is ready. (i can not believe she is twenty-two this year and i guess i kind of feel old.)
Watching our young ones grow up , for me, has been a constant juggling act, putting their needs and wants in place and trying not to spoil them, the mini mile stones that they make like the oldest ones first day at University, or when the youngest got her job in a bank, the middle one when he achieved a goal, ( he is autistic) and then , just about seven years ago , meeting Master for the first time and adding Him in the balance that is tossed up in the air  and caught again.
i think i knew it would be hard to add someone in the equation to catch the balls for me (as so to speak) and even toss them in the different direction to add  a knew slant to things, but i am so glad that i did it, and indeed that He agreed to become part of this ever changing life that we live in.
It has taken me , a long time to let go of the reigns, and acknowledge that i don't really need a safety net because there is already one there from Master. i am still learning about the way he likes things done.... and trying not to keep to my old routines ( or to expect to be able to keep to them) , but i am so glad that this is working.  Even on the days that i think that it i am failing i only have to look back to see the good things and progress and know that it is the right path... ( a rocky one at times, but hey nobody said it would be easy) .
The hardest part in the beginning ,i think for me this time, was to allow myself to trust this Man , who cares and loves me so completely, and not give others room to judge Him,  or think that He would hurt me or damage me beyond what has been done  by others before. He did in fact help  me to heal, and become a stronger more caring person. i don't know if others see this.... ( and to be honest i don't really care, as i know He is right for me.) i just know  we both made the right decision .
So i unlearn the other things that previous relationship Masters have taught me and learn to do it Master's way....... NOBODY EVER TOLD ME HOW HARD IT WOULD BE TO DO THIS, because i suppose it is like using the left hand when you are right handed or visa verso, and in the beginning it feels unnatural... but after the talks and the closeness that we have shared the last few days it starts to feel correct and the old ways have become alien.
So we toss up more balls ... i graciously accept the name of custard that he has started to call me ... ( don't ask) and we create a dazzling display of love and security for ourselves .
Have a good monday all
Saffy




the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .