Monday, 12 March 2012

Today was  about feeling safe. For  it was a rusty start with a few hiccups , and then a touch of pain with a deft hand from Master to her breast , a teaspoon burning her a little, and she felt safe and secure again. After seeing some photos on Masters chat page from another person it woke up old pains in her like an addict wanting a drink.( These were of cuts on the body, of  a person self harming...she is proud to say it has been years since she last cut herself.......but the yearn at times is still there.)
Luckily enough when these times come Master for the most recognises this, ( or seems to) and will dole out controlled pain , as well as spending time to talk and try and sort the problems out. For her , the cutting was always about releasing the pain, and never about wanting to damage herself... but it is a pointless and vicious circle and one she has promised not to go down again,
She is proud to be His and to walk by His side and knows that she has His love.
hugs to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Wednesday, 7 March 2012


 In the fresh light of this morning she can see that her nightmares of the evening before were unfounded again. All this week since Saturday she has been dreaming of people /her dog being killed. These are not nice dreams and she is at loss to know what to do to make it any different.....Not wanting to bother Master with this she is trying to deal with it on her own, but last nights dream was horrid, of her dog being doused in an acid and brutally beaten , and ended in her finding her in the morning half eaten away.
Just a nightmare...and not nice, and now to pull up her big girl pants and get on with the day with a smile..dreams are dreams, but in that hazey moment when she opens her eyes and before she wakens properly  it was a reality .
Here's to hope that everyone else is sleeping and dreaming better than her.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Sunday, 4 March 2012

six old coins

 Master gave this one play yesterday... The first time that He has been able to give her a long session in a while. she of course was nervous,( what if she could not relax... ) He placed on her cuffs.... she said she wasn't sure, He said to late......and of course she knew He was right. The afternoon past in a satisfying haze, of floggers made of different materials, His devil cane, some hot tiger balm a butt plug and the new vibrator thing...(magic wand) There was definitely some other sensations in there also , but she couldn't tell anyone what they were......she was to far in sub space. He didn't allow her to retreat to her private place she goes to( He changed the rhythm ) and this time she flew beautifully for her Master.
He has told her that now, she has to earn her play times, and has to get rid of six old coins that He has given her in a spare purse.If they are still there at the end of the month , it will be instant punishment. Now Y/you should know that this one hates punishment , more than anything....(not that it would seem like it at the rate she has collected March points).......but ..because it means that she has failed her One. Constantly He reassures her that she is His good girl... but because of childhood and pre Master adulthood memories she finds it hard even now to accept compliments in the faith that they are given.
Of course she still has His correction system in place.....for her ten points a month before she gets a major punishment.......but there is now this coin system in place as well... Ah well at least the earning ways to spend them is fun.
Have a good rest of the weekend all...

 hugs  to A/all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Friday, 2 March 2012

from zero to 6 in one day

 Yesterday was not this ones day.After posting about not having points and being glad it was the beginning of the month, this one managed to clock up six in one day.(mostly due because of saying the wrong things and not focusing) Now  with that thought in mind that there is thirty-one days in March and this is only the second day. Definately not this ones week to not gain points. and no she wont tempt fate by saying that  at least there are four more left to get.
hope you are all having a better start to the month

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 1 March 2012

 A new beginning, of a new month, and hopefully this one will run allot more smoother than the last two. There has been plenty to think about while doing her chores, and she has missed her computer a great deal....(she still is even though Master has allowed her to borrow His, it is not the same as having her pictures , music that she likes under one roof as so to speak.) However maybe this has taught her a lesson that maybe she was getting to attached to a material thing and it has been good in that way that she has learnt that her pc is a privilege
Master's medication finally seems to be sorting itself out , though we have it seems hundreds of appointments in the next few months to keep, but hopefully these will ease off as things become better. 
She has missed being able to walk out on her own and have her own space time , though with the warmer weather appearing she knows that she will be able to get out in the garden and attempt to grow more beautiful flowers , herbs and veg and have time with  her wooly dog. 
The good thing about Master's  meds becoming more stable is that He is finally becoming more of His old self again and she is glad to see this... however the slight downer on this was that she managed to clock seven points in under a day, (good thing that it was the end of the month.) This month she plans to get  a big zero at the end of it . 
Hope everybody else is ok in blog land she will catch up with all other blogs later 

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .