Wednesday, 30 November 2011

At peace with the world

Several days have now passed by since Master has been back at home and for myself things have started to feel right and better again. The things that i had missed have slowly fallen back into place and the storm of the people about U/us waving their disapproval etc is barely noticable... (maybe this is because i refuse to focus on anything that they say now, and instead fix my love and passion onto Him.) That is the way it will be from now on.....i trust Master enough to know that He has my best interests at heart and i know that He loves me unconditionally , a trait that some around here in my circle of so called friends and family seem to have forgotten. (how to love a person without putting conditions on things.) 
The just being able to be next to Him and know that i have no secrets, no reason that i can not say things to Him, makes me feel happy and secure and this is what it should have been like before. It is like someone removed a ten ton weight from my shoulders... and i feel one hundred percent better. 
i know that there will be storms ahead.. No one is so lucky as to go through life and not see them.. How ever if i remain open and in communication , and dont try to protect Him from others , then i know  that things will be ok. Before i felt cherished , loved and well looked after ... and now this has been amplified and i feel totally safe.. 
Long may it last ... and thankyou Master for being You xx
the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Friday, 25 November 2011

A beautiful time away

The past week has passed in a blur of travel, talking and spending time with a Man (my Master) that i love , totally and unconditionally with my mind, heart, body and soul.
i have achieved travelling on a train all the way to the capital on my own... not bad for a person who has balance issues and is more secure safe in the comfort of her own home. i have learnt that by belonging to my Master, i am collared to Him far deeper than any bauble or collar that i may have about my neck... for He owns me totally and whole..and that W/we both make each other complete. i have learnt that people about us will almost always try to take away the happiness that they see others sharing .
He has taken me to markets full of crowds of people , where we ate shared oysters and other delicious things... i have seen more culture of our capital than i ever thought possible.. (i now long to go back and spend more time there with Him(despite the crowds and being away from home) so i can take pictures and capture all these memories. i have visited china town and tried chicken feet and a few Chinese dumplings.. seen bins turned into works of art ... and so many things that it would take a year to write them all down.
i have met one of the most kind and caring lady's in the UK... (His sister) who hugged me and made me laugh and gave me unconditional love  when i was down. She has the most beautiful smile and twinkly eyes... and she reminds me a little of a female version of my Master. 
i have seen the largest leaves in the UK.... and many many parks... No one can now say that our capital does not have any green in it. i have also seen tall buildings covered in artificial lights and listened to constant sirens going as the police ...ambulance etc get o their destination. 
i have laid in my bed at night , and watched the aircraft fly over head , with their bright flashing lights  glowing like some space ship........ and listened in content to my One sleeping ... thankful of the chance just to be close and near to Him. 
How ever the most important thing that i have done .. is be with my One .. and learnt the value of myself ... to Him and myself ... and His value to me.. i can not explain it better than this....i am proud to be His girl... to be allowed to serve Him, To be able to start dancing again and living O/our life to the full. i can not wait until the weekend , when i will once again be able to be 24/7 by His side .i am grateful that the last patch of fog has gone and i am safe back where i belong ............soon to be complete serving by His side
Thank you Master for loving me enough to give me another chance 

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

i am going home!!!!

 By this time tomorrow i will have completed (i hope) one of the most important and longest journeys of my life. i am scared , but at the same time excited.... i keep worrying after not being able to sleep for so long, tomorrow i will have a massive lay in and miss the train, and all sorts of things. However tomorrow will come ... just like it always does. i dont have much more to say apart from i wish it was tomorrow already.... but then i wouldnt be talking/blogging on here , i would be in the place where i belong.
i guess that it is normal to feel this scared , but to me it is like a massive jump from  a very high cliff ... with NO saftey net if i am not caught. It is an act of faith and trust.
Hope everyone else is having a wonderful week..... and enjoying the now hot sunshine  that we are having here again... a  wonderful contrast after all the cold and mist that  i have had here both in real weather terms and in mental capacity.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Today has been long and i feel tired but satisfied. i have had alot to think about the past few days, and have neglected my poor blog ...However i am here now .
i have spent the past few days communicating with Him , trying to work a way forward from what has happened. i miss Him more than i ever thought that i would... The good things are that W/we both admit that we love each other still.. It is a starting point. In truth i don't think that my heart ever stopped loving Him....
On Wednesday i get to go and see Him and be by his side to talk and try and resolve things. This brings me to a point what i said in my previous blogs about the split..i was wrong to say i would never have Him back.. i would in a heart beat.. It does not mean that  i am not scared.. nor that i do not value myself, it does mean i have looked inside my heart and can now see that really He is still there and never left .. i can say i love Him and i have learnt alot about things.
i am determined if given a chance i can show Him how much i care, and make a step forward to resolving the things that tried to destroy us.
hugs to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

sunshine with sushi

 Sighs softly,
Today i came to the conclusion that part of my feeling so low and down has not been helped by the constant grey weather and lack of sun. It has not rained heaps ... (well not at all really) its just that the days have been so grey and i miss the sun. (so if you happen to find the person that "borrowed" it please will you ask them to give it back.)
At the moment my head although still full of fog was strangely helped and focused by an hour and half of music practice. Not all of notes were perfect......(infact i would say that 80% didn't turn out great cos my eyes chose that moment to start to water again. ) However i done it , and i plan on doing more tomorrow as well. The dog has been for two walks today... one was a long one , with just me and her and we managed to get nearly to the church that i went to the day that i was down ... ( then i remembered that the vicar would probably not think very kindly if i took the dog in there) so back home we went. Tomorrow i will find a different place to drag her to, and thank goodness that her head collar actually makes it easier to walk her now.
While out she got rather excited to see two other huskies , and i got excited to see a Wallace and gromit bike..Well it was actually a motor bike and sidecar but it looked like the one from Wallace and gromit .. so that is what i am going to call it.
i was given another email yesterday.. i am grateful for the time that was taken to actually write this one. It helped alot . It resulted in a phone call and an invitation and strangely enough , that invitation has given me something to focus on. i also know that it has strenghtern the fact that i love that man so much.  i don't know the way forward yet , but hopefully one day at a time the fog will lift.
hugs  to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

maybe just maybe

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 5 November 2011

 Today i found an email sent to me.. and i am left more confused than ever. i see things from my side of the picture that i am looking at , others see it from theirs. i know i need answers , need to sort my mind out , but for now i don't seem able to.
i hate not having routines in my life , not having a sense of worth when i achieve something and so i decided maybe i aught to do things for myself a little ( not for others) . i can start by looking after me and my son, and our lovely dog . Watch out world i am about to bounce back up fighting again. i am a human jack in a box........i have done nothing wrong , and so i can hold my head high.
hugs and light to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Friday, 4 November 2011