Friday, 29 April 2011

An answer to Malcolm's question.

 This afternoon when i came on my blog i saw that Malcolm had left me two questions on my last post. i will try to answer them .
1) When you are tied up like that, is it comfortable saffy?
 For me bondage has always been a place of security and a safe place. i guess one could relate it to being  a child again, helpless and relient on that special other Person. It helps to build trust and communication and therefore makes my relationship with Master stronger. In truth no it isnt always comfortable,(it is dependant on what part of the body is bound and for how long) but then nor is life, and one can remove oneself from the situation if you are tied for a long period of time by meditaion ( thats if Master is not in a torture mood ) Personally i like pain when it is measured out by Master, so i would be a little disappointed if i wasnt given some. Breast bondage is nice yes ......but comfortable depends on the time the ropes, bands etc are there and what time of the month it is , as unfortunately/fortunatley (depending on which side of the coin you want to look at) , mine get very painful with hormones at certain times and water retention.
i hope this answers Your question Sir.

And why no pic of you tied up? that's what we would like to see.?

The blog that i write is an open blog , it is accessable by anyone, and i am quite open in my discriptions of my play, beliefs, and lifestyle and opinions, both from the BDSM angle, the lifestyle that Master and i live, and the family side of it. i am however quite careful not to include names of my young adults or other family/friends in it. i am sure however, if they were to come across some of my blog entries that they would recognise themselves. Just as i would not want my children to view me having sex , or to watch me play, nor would i want them or their friends to view me on a website......... Nor would i wish this for any of my family my aunts, father etc. 
i echo Master's beliefs that there is a time and place for everything and i am sorry, but it is His wish that i do NOT post realtime pictures of myself on here as it can reflect back on O/our family and home life.Instead He asks me to find illustrations of what i am tlaking about on the nett. i hope this has answered this question.

  the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 28 April 2011

bosom bondage

 When Master gave me these two words to blog about....He called it tit bondage...but that kind of made me think about birds of the feather variety, and immediately my head was full of bluetits, and  finches etc all trussed up like minature roast chickens, but still with their feathers on. So the tit transformed into bosom.
Breast bondage is something that i always think looks so neat when done on a person. Materials that can be used include rope (obviously), leather , (whether it is done with belts/collars or a harness...., bnadages with plaster of pasis in them, or Master and i watched a film once of a girl who had her breasts  bound with giant elastic bands. This produced a kind of ripple effect down the boob and i really thought that it looked neat. Of course the finishing touch could be added with mini elastic bands on the nipples to make sure that they stood out proudly to receive any kind of treatment that they were due.
Another thing that i have admired since it was shown to  me by a Master some time ago is Japenese rope bondage... i have seen it used on another slave at one point instead of a bra.. the intricacy is something that i thought was really beautiful.
In short i guess that the only limit of things that can be used in breast bondage is placed by the mind... and i guess it is up to the couple (well in my case Master) what sensation that he wishes to acheive.
i'll end this little bit of writing with some pictures that i found on the nett illustrate  some of the things that can be used,..............

 hugs and light

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 23 April 2011

dragonflies can make rainbows

Sometime ago , while Master was in London, my middle son and my father had a discussion about  a barbecue the Easter weekend if the weather was ok.....and if he could choose the meat for it. Well the Easter weekend is upon us and the weather is good, so W/we are all off to the farm for a couple of days. W/we got the meat from a little butchers in a  village near us that specialises in barbecue meats etc... and got salad and rolls from the supermarket on the way back... These of course were packed full of people scrambling for food etc. as horror upon horror the shops are going to be shut for a whole day and for some reason people feel the need to stuff a trolley full of foods in case they run out.......... It makes me wonder how much of it is thrown away.
When W/we arrived home Master and i were having a conversation about tattoo's and body markings ...For some time Master has been considering having Himself inked ... and out of the blue He asked me if i could have another tattoo what it would be. ( i say out of the blue because along time ago He said that i am not allowed any more. )
My first reply was that i didn't want to even think about it (because of what He had said when i first met Him) . i didn't see the point in wanting or designing the perfect part of artwork to wear if it would never come into fruition. We talked....i listened to Him. i understand allot of what He was saying. Markings ...jewellery ..collars these are all personal things ... my tattoos they depict my beliefs.
Brands and tattoos on animals (and some humans)  mark them as belonging to someone. They stamp them with a mark that is not easily able to be removed. Collars , necklaces , wedding rings ......all these can be taken off....if the desire is there , not so ink or a brand.
This led to more talking and listening , and a discussion, which ended up in me telling Master if i was to have another tattoo ( which is really unlikely) i did know what it would be. In truth i would want the bdsm circle inked on my body but the lines that outlined it i would want made of dragonflies, and i would also like my SLRN in the circle as well.
Why dragonflies ..........Well, there is several reasons why.
One there was an abundance of them dancing and gliding in the sky , their wings like miniature rainbows, glinting in the sky on the day that Master and i met for the first time.
Two, i guess i liken them to my opening up in this journey that i am going along . Before the dragonfly hatches they live an aquatic life ......and are called nymphs or naiads. They don't have wings but apart from that they are like the adult version of themselves. When they get their wings they can no longer go under the water.
i liken this section of my life that i am travelling on to becoming that dragonfly, able to soar and reflect light to my total capacity  as i transpire from being a nymph to being whole , and i want to dance and reflect light. ( i guess you could say a dragonfly is one of my animal totems.) i believe that a submissive/slave, if whole and complete is a thing of beauty (just like the insect is to me)  Before when i have had  previous Master's in my life i have never felt this completeness, this total togetherness, and although like a nymph is a dragonfly , i was a slave .. a submissive....but i wasnt complete.  i think that i liken this in my mind, to being a baby dragonfly not yet having my wings . Master has given me these wings and the ability to fly.
The BDSM circle made of them and my SLRN because it makes it completes the picture that i have in my mind.
So see Master, i do know what i would choose, but i also know it is not necessary  (although it doesn't stop me desiring it) to have it physically on my body ...It is stored in my head and i can see it clearly, the same way as i can see my artwork that is on the back of me , without pictures of it or a mirror. i love You for helping me achieve my wings and teaching me i can dance and reflect light.
Thank you i think i found the gold at the end of the rainbow.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Friday, 22 April 2011

to my One with love and light

 Dear Master
Thank you for today.....You gave me and O/our family a gift today that is so often overlooked in the society that W/we live in , and that is time. Time. It is one of the most precious gifts that can give to another, it allows  memories to be made , (both positive and negative) , and fortunately i have positives memories in O/our years together as W/we travel this journey together, (though in the past before i met You i have not been so lucky) .
You made my father happy with the help You gave Him freely in His garden and You guided O/our son with Your actions , when i didn't have the words to explain what he was doing was not the right choice. 
Every day i learn something new about myself and the way life is , You are like my teacher and i am the pupil....guiding me and allowing me to explore, strengthening my beliefs , and helping me overcome my fears. Like a teacher You realise that sometimes i can work things out myself , and like a pupil sometimes i am shown there is a quicker and more efficient way to do things. 
Life was smiling on me the day i met You, and You have helped my life to be topped up with energy ever since, i never want to stop learning and exploring on this journey that You take me on. 
i know Your actions today are not what You would ever consider unusual as they are part of the way You are , however i also wanted to let You know that i had noticed and that i love You .
hugs and light 

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .
 i am so excited. In the last two days i have been given some tools to create a truly beautiful place that my family can enjoy . What are these things ................a few packets of seeds....... a  mini green house , (which has the chance of growing into a larger one if i remember to care for the seeds) and a vision.
This vision has been growing  slowly since Master moved in with me some years ago, of transforming our garden into a place that was a reflection of my love of nature. It started slowly by buying in seedlings etc , and last year a few vegetable plants (which included a pea plant from which the dog snaffled most of the peas) and has grown to a desire to create a place where i can grow a few food plants from scratch ( and  fill them with my love) and have flowers that add colours and aromas that make the garden a pleasing place to be in.
In past years, the garden of course has been tended , but it was mainly a play place for the children as they grew up and now that this has happened , full of toys and climbing frames , and being a mum didn't leave me much time to create anything pleasing. In short it was basic.........So after the Holiday weekend, i am going to start to build the vision , and create (with help from my One) a place of tranquility that stimulates the senses .
Another thing that has happened since i last blogged was that Master and i have made Malcolm's chilli sauce with great success i have to say. The one thing that i would add was that this silly girl went and tried to eat a slice of the chili thinking that it wouldn't be that hot, despite Master telling me that it would. i have learnt the hard way .  It numbed the left side of my face and lips , even sending tingles to my hair roots ..... It was definitely allot hotter than the Tabasco sauce that we normally buy...and i look forward to using it in cooking.
Thanks Malcolm for  sharing a great recipe .
Hugs and light to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Monday, 18 April 2011

Watching the sun rise

 Last night i didn't sleep that well, i was tired, but my mind had decided that it wasn't going back to sleep and i was having a fight with it. As i lay on the little bed, i watched the beautiful moon travel across the sky and  try to illuminate the walls, casting shadows every where as it  managed to get in the chinks of the curtain that were not shut properly. In the end i just opened  the curtains and flooded the room with the natural moon light . It was strangely comforting laying there with this natural wonder gazing at me from outside, like a guardian watching over its child......... and for no reason at all i felt tears trickle down my face.
Time could have stood still for me in those priceless moments of being at one with nature.......i can caste my mind back to the many times that i have watched the moon travel across the sky, including the first time i saw it set, and i know perhaps i am lucky to be in the position that i am able to watch such things. i hope i never lose the awe i feel and the prickle of energy that runs up my back.
Having realised that there was going to be no more sleep this night for me, i decided to go to the back of our property and watch the sun rise...........So sneaking carefully downstairs i clicked the light on in the lounge and the dog raised its head , eyeballing me with a single eye to perhaps see if i was ok, or maybe an early morning walk was on the cards.
i hadn't planned on taking her this morning until my middle son got up , however remembering her kindness to me the other day i decided not to watch the sun rise but instead take the dog with me and watch the light change as i moved along. ......i got her harness on and  opened the door to be greeted by early morning mist .....It hadn't looked this way when i was upstairs , but as i opened the door it was like there was a giant smoke bomb outside....damp and cold. To late though to not take the dog till later we set off ........and i was soon glad that i had.
There is very few things more relaxing than walking with her in the mornings , especially when she is on her best behavior and forgets to try and tug me along. Every so often she sticks her wet nose on my hand and gives me a lick. i feel blessed with the love and trust that dog hands out to me no matter what mood i am in.
As we rounded the last corner of the block that we ( the dog and i) walk along i was blessed to see a beautiful sight of the sun breaking through the mist like a giant powerful spot light .........A complete glowing circle accented by a path of oranges and pinks. slowly fading to the nothingness of the mist about it. Almost as if someone had dropped ink on damp blotting paper and the stain was gradually seeping out.
When i got indoors and was eating my breakfast  i allowed my mind to reflect on the two different sky images...both so totally different ,but both complimenting each other so beautifully. Each one a truly beautiful component on its own, but becoming extra wondrous when seen like i had this morning.Showing me in its own way how two different things can display and intensify each other.i guess i finally begin to realise why relationships of a strong and soft compliment each other so well.
hugs and light

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 16 April 2011

Confusion Reigns or does it?

 The last three days has found me more woolly headed than normal and quite unable to concentrate for any length of time on anything. Why? Because my oldest son is keeps saying that he is going to travel back home (his one that is near his uni not the family one ) and then changes his mind. Not a big thing for most people , and Master and i love having him home , (even though like most young adults, the family home has become the cheapest hotel on the planet, and i swear he takes more home with him than he arrives with.
There was once an episode of my family (an English comedy programme) that my daughter used to watch, where the oldest son used to come home from uni, with a shopping trolley and fill up from the parents cupboards, to take home to theirs..........She ironically said it reminded her of son number one , and she was not wrong.(though my son does not use a shopping trolley to raid the cupboards with)
As i said though Master and i love having him home , however, i also love knowing when he is going
a) because of the food and meals
b) because of the way that it makes my middle son (he is autistic and worships his brother which makes it hard for him when he leaves)
c)because of the knowledge i will have to pick up the bits when he leaves, and sometimes this can be quite traumatic.
 He has changed his mind so many times, my brains are becoming like spaghetti, ( i don't know how to plan meals etc) and i don't know whether to believe him when he says that he will definitely be going tomorrow.......
Master keeps glancing over at me , i know He can feel the tension that is in me and He knows the battle that i am having...........i am trying hard to remain focused and not wobble but i crave stability and it is like waiting for a timer to go off . Yes i guess people can say, get him, (son) to give me a straight answer and keep to it .......i thought of that as well...... but i love having him home, so secretly i am glad he has not gone yet, and so i don't.
Now you see, maybe this is why i am not a Mistress or a leader..........i like my routine......i like things the way they should be  and i like knowing what is going to happen......If i plan an outing or something i have to think what i am going to do and then in general, people will be hard pushed to ever get me to deviate from this .....i don't like asking people to do things for me ........Master calls it my stubborn independent streak.
i have loved being a mum, (and i know i will always be that to our children (and to some that are are not mine biologically) till i die) but as the children have grown into young adults i find my parenting skills are changing to adapt to their needs now.......
i guess this is similar to how Master adapts to my needs  and wants , in the different stages of my growth and devotion to Him..........It certainly seems to be, with stretching and widening my mind, and not letting me stay stagnant , just an object to be picked up for His own gratification . i am blessed that He allows me to study further alternative therapy , and encourages me in my playing my clarinet , in reading ,  and in learning new projects. It is reassuring for me that i am allowed to follow my Wiccan path and recharge my batteries in meditation and the growth of nature. Yet i am still His girl... His slave.......and hopefully i will be for a long time to come.
Sorry for this rambling post............ as i said at the start my head is a little woolly. ..........
happy blogging

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 14 April 2011

learning to love again

 Some years ago in my life i had a relationship with a man who didn't really know the dynamics of play and had very little experience of using BDSM toys  or how to judge a persons reaction when in a session with them. At the beginning of this relationship he had talked the talk, and by the time i realised that he had precious little experience and more to the point would not seek advice to get anymore learning from a mentor or such like i had been sucked into a doormat existence and would have probably put up with almost anything from him. Not a good thing when so much of our relationships are based on communication and trust.....
He had a fetish for canes and used to like to punish me with them ........harshly.........Even though i like pain , pain itself comes in many shapes and forms , he used allot of reasons for saying that i was bad , and deserved caning and then beat me with them , there was no warm up , no comforting touch, and it was done in a silent rage. i in turn, developed a dislike for them and still have it at the moment, however this could be changing.
It started a few sessions ago when Master decided that He wished to try all toys out on my cheeks to see which ones gave the most pleasure.......i happily obliged till i realised that He had canes out , and then  couldn't cope, for the association of them is still of  a person using them with anger on me and malice... not a good combination. Master being the guy that He is stopped .( however i know that wood  and things is very close to Masters heart and i felt bad i was having these feelings, knowing that nothing He would ever do would harm me permanently.) i agreed to try and learn to love them.
Well ,  W/we then decided to look for canes that did not have the old feelings attached to them, but could give me the pain i craved in a positive way ( who would believe that a whangee cane  or Malacca one was that hard to find i the UK) Sadly we still have not been able to  get one of these little beauty's and allow me to sample the different effect that the nodules have that are set in the actual cane, but we did find a lovely old fashioned walking cane (much like the ones that Charlie Chapman and Buster Keaton etc used to have in the old black and white films ...........) i first felt it thud on my backside as we were walking back from the shops and Master decided to rap my butt from behind, by just bringing it up smartly, and yes it did make me jump.
So when i was told to get the toys out for a harsh bum spanking this time i included the new cane and the two old ones that W/we have...............
Well i cant say i dislike the new one .... i could get used to it, because of the thickness of it it gives a satisfying THUD rather than a whack, and it leaves a warm glow behind as a post to the other two that had been used on me before that bite into the skin. What with  the whole arsenal used across my bum , i have a very nice reminder of how much He cares for me to look after this need for pain that i have .i know i felt the little whippy one at the end, but i am proud of myself that i managed to not freak out at it. i am learning to love all the canes , and i have nothing but love for Master with the way He is doing this.... i probably could have taken more yesterday afternoon but He is doing the introductions of them slowly, and has left me now wanting to feel them more now instead of dreading them as W/we had such a good session.
Thank you Master  i love You

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

That giant kiss

 The first time i came into contact with a St Andrews cross, i can remember thinking how much it looked like a kiss , proud and solid, just standing unassuming in the play room of a friends place that they had lent us.  Not so innocent when you are strapped to it though, and there is no way of removing or wriggling away from what you know is coming to you. This was the only cross that i have ever had the pleasure of being attached to, and then it was done with my body facing towards the wood and not looking out into the room . It kept me in perfect position for a nice session with His crops and floggers, and if i am honest it gave me a sense of vulnerability for it was impossible to close ones legs or move out of the way. i laughingly said at the beginning about it looking like a kiss , well it certainly helped that person allow the crops to kiss my cheeks and thighs. There is a vulnerability from the moment that you are strapped up there to the moment your One allows you down, and then because of the intensity and powerfulness of it , it caused my legs to turn to jelly and not function properly.
i guess if i had a wish i suppose i would really like a playroom that Master and i could use like that of O/our own........but i am not sure how my father or the young ones would react to a giant kiss on the wall , or indeed freestanding , and there is always someone who is nosey. i also wish i had the experience of being attached so i was facing outwards , instead of towards the cross .......but maybe one day this will come into fruition.
If i were to be so lucky as to have a choice i guess that it would pretty much be this one as it has loads of places to attach a person to with rope and make sure that they are really immobile. ( that's just my kink setting in folks , i really do feel quite safe when i know there is not a chance in hell that i can move .)

i found this link on information on the St Andrews cross , and finally learnt more about why it is called this .....
and although i realised that it meant diagonal cross i didn't realise that that St Andrew was meant to have been martyred on one. ( guess saints are not high on my religion  ..........sorry)
Anyhow enjoy your day i am hoping to go out now for a coffee with Master

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Sunday, 10 April 2011

for stormy with love and light .........

Some times when reading other peoples journals, you read things that end up teaching you, (all be it in a subtle way,) sometimes we get ideas from others, sometimes the writing makes us laugh, sometimes cry .......... i guess every blog that i follow , i chose because maybe i saw a part of me in it, or it stirred an emotion .What ever the reason i have become emotionally attached to each and every one of you in some way or another.
i guess that's why, when reading a certain  ladies blog the other night , it tugged really hard on my heart and i have not been able to get it from my mind ever since. 

This is the blog that i am talking about . i do not know much about the life style that she has chosen to follow with her Husband , apart from  the information that i have read about over the last few months..... but from what i can gather it is about showing respect to her husband and letting him be the boss. i can not judge what has happened or the context , words that we type here are sometimes only in one dimension, and at the best two........
All i do know is that this lady, has made me laugh at times with her writings, she has the knack of  adding a bite of humor to maybe a droll situation. i love the way that she is cheeky to almost a bratty standard at times , but more than that i adore the fact that she has been taking baby steps along her pathway and growing so much.  To read the writing that she wrote last time was like looking at a toy that had been somehow in a battle and had the stuffing knocked out of it. More than anything i wanted to reach out and hug her .
Stormy ( yes you, cos by now you must know i am blogging about you)  you are wrong.... you have so much left to give , (but maybe its like making a cake this lifestyle that you are in, all the right ingredients are there , but the method to put it together or the temperature to cook it is not quite right)
i know the path that Master and i follow is not the same as yours, for a start if i had your lifestyle i might find myself being bad  a whole lot more than you , as i enjoy what your Husband has set as a punishment .... but having said this maybe i wouldn't enjoy it if i thought that i was getting things wrong the whole time. i know i hate my chalk board and collecting points on there.
i came to the conclusion after thinking about this allot , that the only two people that can sort this out would be you and him in talking and being open and honest with each other... maybe neither of you know what the problems that you are facing are , but the fact that you say you are trying your best and not giving up shines through.
And by the are wrong, you do have something. you have courage, determination , and spunk. Its not easy to face things that we  wobble about. i  know how hard it is to allow another to take control, and trust, that they will do an equal if not better job than we ourselves can do. i had massive problems allowing my now Master to have control over what i saw as my money because of the gambling debts a previous partner has left me in. ( i didn't realise that i was having this trouble until it was gently pointed out to me,) and then the B/both of us were able to work it out together.
It took allot for me to realise how much my One cares and loves me , and believe me we are still ironing out issues , some of which date back to my childhood , that i had buried and thought i had lost.
My only hope is that you can bounce right back to being the normally chirpy stormy  that you were before , however not at the cost that you hide behind humor and do not flourish and grow yourself. Like a pair of shoes........the lifestyle that you lead has to fit you properly or it will niggle and pinch and you will never be confident or happy in it.
One last thing , i share my blog with Master and leave it open as it allows Him to see inside my head , and i have nothing to hide, but  there has been a time in my life where i have had a partner not be quite so understanding about my writing and he ended up using it to try and destroy me with. Your blog might be your little piece of you that you need , just for you........i am not encouraging you to hide things from him, and maybe as others have said it would help him to read , as he has a record of your positive progress and can see how far you have travelled.......but think about whether you need it at this moment in time as a bolt hole .
Biggest hugs to you and light
  ( i truly hope you feel better about yourself soon and i am thinking about you)

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 9 April 2011

The importance of learning to listen

 Today has been a sunny and warmish day, my mood is good and i feel at peace with the world .....It didn't start that way, in fact i was cheesed off , big time when i got up, but i am sure pleased to have reached this spot where i feel at peace with everyone.
To start off with , i was late up... this isn't a big thing but to me it was , because i felt that i was chasing my tail (so to speak ) before i had even begun. There had been several things that i wanted to do today, but these left my mind on traveling through the kitchen and seeing it in a state. ( it looked as if the untidy pixies had  a party in it the night  , an i know it was tidy when i went up to bed the night before.) Worse still there was people up and about and ignoring the fact that it was dirty , and the dog was  begging for out with her legs crossed.
Exit nice peaceful slave, and mother , ............Enter bad tempered troll !!!
Well all i can say is that i wasn't short in coming forward with the crashing about of dishes and putting things away.....The dog sensibly realised that her owner was not happy and quickly done what she needed to and legged it back in. Son how ever was not so astute and  had to be told that i would have appreciated more help rather that him just sitting there and watching "buffy" (yeah the television people have given him a whole new series to watch and of course he has to watch them all in the least amount of time possible.)
After a shaky spot , i realised that  i had not been out to get my tablets , and if i didn't get them today i would run out. ......... So still in a bleak mood i asked Master if He was going to take me ... not listening to His reply really because i wanted to be independent ...mistake.
i wasn't well last night , this contributed to my late morning rising , and well  i certainly didn't feel like walking to get my tablets. However as i stated above i didn't listen to what was said by Master , and decided that He had said that i had to go and get my own tablets..............(He didn't by the way). So still in  a grump i decided to say i was going for a walk....i wouldn't have got to far today .
A stilted conversation followed , and Master had His winkling pin out, which result eventually by me telling Him that i thought that He hadn't cared if i ran out of tablets or not......... ( sorry )
By this time the troll had turned into a whimpering wreck and was crying .......... Fortunately  i didn't get anymore chalk marks for this , but i was told that it was not what He had said and He explained all it again to me...this time i was listening.
It  reinstated the importance to me of listening and communicating to Him , something that i have not  been that hot on since His week away. i do realise where i went wrong and  i hope not to make the same mistake again. i find the switch over from Him not being there difficult and it has been hard to adjust back to the good girl that He wants me to be when there is so many other worries and hiccups going on to drag me out of focus.
Fortunately His talk to me seems to have dragged the old saffy back and i now feel allot happier than i was before, He gave me a task to do , of creating a back up of my many pictures that i take in case i ever have any trouble with my PC.
Master i am sorry that You had a troll in your kitchen this morning , but hopefully she has been banished away now and normality will rule again. Thank you for taking time out to explain what You meant not once, but twice.... and i know  You would never let my meds run out..........i am sorry for even thinking this.
hugs You tight.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Hot stuff

Food and cookery  can be an amazing thing i think. From the start of  going out, and picking the ingredients , to mixing them all together, and then the final product , will it come out right or be a total disaster. As a young child i always used to love Saturdays, when i got to spend the afternoon with my Nonna , and she would cook the cakes , pies etc for the week to follow. If i was lucky i used to get the end piece of pastry to shape as an animal or a dough man........and decorate with currants or sugar sprinkles. There were always  "testers" to try and a bowl or two to lick out . There was something quite safe about being perched on the stool in her kitchen.
So , when Master gave me the words hot food to blog about my mind was transported back to times that i spent waiting for those cupcakes and sausage rolls to cool. ...Of hot fish and chips , caught from the beach , and then fried in her kitchen, or sometimes the treat of making sweets such as toffee or fudge.  There are of course the foods that you get, that have a natural heat in them such as curry, chili con carne, ginger etc.........but she never used to use many of them , being of the generation where you had meat and two veg, and three square meals a day, none of this take away malarkey.
It then went wandering onto things such as chilli's and peppers, and the the burns that you can receive from them. One of the Master's that i have known in the past used to like adding a dash of chili sauce to ice cubes in sensory play...and leaving it to melt in the vagina or backside........the contrast was mind blowing especially when mixed with a blindfold and a ginger butt plug. In one of my earlier posts i blogged about figging ,ginger , and as i said there it is a very unique but warming ( to put it mildly ) experience.
i know that peppers and chili whether fresh or in sauce, or a  paste form can actually produce bad burns so it is best to test them in a small area first.........i also know after having a hot curry in the past it can leave a burning sensation when going to the toilet .
There is also the chance that He might have wanted me to be blogging about the use of  His property as a table or plate to serve hot food on , though i think that if this was to  be happening i would have a hard job to keep still and might get wrong  allot  from moving . 
Part of me actually wondered if He was saying to me that His dinner had not been that warm in some places when our son had made it for U/us and the enjoyment of eating luke warm pasta and pesto sauce was not that great. ( i guess i have to step up the supervising or do it myself again , because it spoilt an otherwise nice dish).
 What ever it is i know i am lucky to be allowed a wide and varied diet of all different kinds of food, and not be ordered to eat just one bland thing the whole time.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

 After a nearly a day of waiting (thanks to the trains not being able to coincide with the links the way they were meant to) Master is finally home. ( As you might have noticed if you saw my new strikes for the chalk board :-( )
Even that has not spoilt my pleasure in seeing Him again , and in a strange way i think that because i knew my illicit bath time was wrong no matter how it occurred , i have been worrying about the out come. i didn't think that i would have got five points for it though, and that's as much as i got the entire of March, so i will have to be ultra good if i don't want to go over them this month. Still that is life, and in a odd way i feel comforted by it , that i even got strikes for it , it shows me He has His finger on the pulse still.
On a bad note , His return didn't banish my sleepless early hours of the morning , and i am left feeling cheated by it........i guess it is more a case of getting completely back in my routine again, ie having the meals on time, eating the right food, sleeping at the right time and exercising and resting at the right times as well.
Part of me feels really excited about today, in the fact that i am having my hair cut , and it will be so much more manageable for me ,but another part is worried in case it does not look good.(though i am sure that it will) .Another part wants to just run away and hide from the world. ... but i guess that isn't a good idea.
There are so many things to blog about racing through my mind .but for now i am going to rest and see if i can capture some of this elusive sleep that keeps bouncing just out of reach. ....back later

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Monday, 4 April 2011

 The clouds were heavy in the sky when i took our dog out for a walk tonight. There is no rain there yet but it is lurking and you can feel its closeness waiting , like an actor waits for his/her cue to go on stage, and just soak the dry earth. i have also noticed that the evening seems to have grabbed all the heat that was about and left a coldness that bites through my coat and trousers and reminds me that summer is not there yet.
The dog for her own reasons seems to have sensed my mood and for a change has decided not to pull ahead , but instead walks by my side with the occasional lick to my hand to reassure me in her doggy way that she is here.
Why this writing........Well my heart feels heavy like a rain cloud , it has chinks of sunlight  breaking through , in the good things that i have been doing today, but it also threatens to spill tears down my cheeks , as i miss my One. The coldness that surrounds me is like the loneliness that i feel, seeping in my bones and making me tired .
Master has not as you all probably know has not been gone for long , but this tiny shadow of Him not being here crept in within the first ten minutes maybe even five minutes of Him being gone out of the door. It is not that i can not function without Him....i know i can, i have done before i met Him, and other times that He has been away from home for any length of time... its just ... i guess i ....You know i don't know if even i can explain the fact of why to anyone.
The most simplest way would be to say that i love Him.... i want to be that bright  crystal reflecting light and making rainbows as He shines on me....instead i feel dull and the light is not shining so good. i know He loves me , that He has His finger on the pulse where ever He is, and yet it is not the same without His look, His touch.....In spite of the fact that i have managed to hurt myself (by accident) whilst He has been away.... i miss His control and Him topping me up on the pain front.......i feel lost and if i do find pain by an accident i feel guilty because it is not the same measured out top ups that He administers to me.
i miss my safe spot under His arm...The sound of His heart beating and the softness of His hand as He caresses my hair and smooths it when it gets a little wild, i miss being able to serve Him a coffee , or share laughter and news, i miss His smile and the sound of Him sleeping as i watch the night hours go by.
i know that i have O/our time on the phone , but this is over so quick and then i feel so alone again.
Master , You are my soul mate , the One i carry in my heart , and the One that has the power to light my life up like the brightest star. i love You more than words can say and i am missing You. i know it will not be long ( i hope) until You are back , and until that time i have to be strong, but at this moment in time i am finding it all very hard. (sorry)
i hope You hurry home soon, and then the sunshine will chase away the storm that seems to be brewing.
with love from my heart, mind , body and soul

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 2 April 2011

hmmmm i think i am going to get wrong :(

  Today didn't start to  bad , i managed to follow my routine  and have all my chores done by the time i normally would have been starting them. (and then realise i have nothing left to pace myself with for the rest of the day.) See if Master was about i could have recognised the pattern that was starting to form and maybe not have had the ending that today has got, i feel dead bad about it and can only say that i didn't do it on purpose.
To save myself from boredom and to not spend to much time on the computer , i decided in my infinite wisdom to take our husky  outside and do some gardening.....It started off fine , the dog thought it was a grand game trimming back butterfly bushes and racing round the garden like the clown she is with the branches in her mouth....and then came the wild rose tree . It did so need pruning and the dead wood removing i set to work on  it ........only there were no gardening gloves so the thorns tore my hands to bits , but in my own world i didn't see the damage that was occurring , nor notice the pain from the blisters on my hands , and so i have ended up with broken nails a very sore hand and well more than a few scratches. ( not done on purpose i have to add. ) We ( the dog and i)  also manages to trim a vine, although after the small hiccup of falling from the raised bed, where i had perched myself to trim the top parts of the vine, i decided that i had possible done enough to prevent boredom creeping in.
So one hot bath run, and i slithered in , not sure how i was going to manage to get out, and relaxed.....start to wash my womanhood and had a mini orgasm. i can only apologise to Master, as it wasn't done on purpose and this has never happened before when i have had a bath. I didn't play with myself at all, just washed there. The only explanation that i can think of is that the pain on my hands had sent my slave head that adores pain so much into such a fuzzed state that the washing of my bits was the catalyst to make me cum.
i guess i should point out here that i am not meant to play or cum without Himself being about , and i know i didn't play so i can only apologise for the part of cumming , and hope He will see i didn't do it on purpose.
Sorry this is such a weird blog today but i wanted to try and analyse why this happened.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .