learning to love again

 Some years ago in my life i had a relationship with a man who didn't really know the dynamics of play and had very little experience of using BDSM toys  or how to judge a persons reaction when in a session with them. At the beginning of this relationship he had talked the talk, and by the time i realised that he had precious little experience and more to the point would not seek advice to get anymore learning from a mentor or such like i had been sucked into a doormat existence and would have probably put up with almost anything from him. Not a good thing when so much of our relationships are based on communication and trust.....
He had a fetish for canes and used to like to punish me with them ........harshly.........Even though i like pain , pain itself comes in many shapes and forms , he used allot of reasons for saying that i was bad , and deserved caning and then beat me with them , there was no warm up , no comforting touch, and it was done in a silent rage. i in turn, developed a dislike for them and still have it at the moment, however this could be changing.
It started a few sessions ago when Master decided that He wished to try all toys out on my cheeks to see which ones gave the most pleasure.......i happily obliged till i realised that He had canes out , and then  couldn't cope, for the association of them is still of  a person using them with anger on me and malice... not a good combination. Master being the guy that He is stopped .( however i know that wood  and things is very close to Masters heart and i felt bad i was having these feelings, knowing that nothing He would ever do would harm me permanently.) i agreed to try and learn to love them.
Well ,  W/we then decided to look for canes that did not have the old feelings attached to them, but could give me the pain i craved in a positive way ( who would believe that a whangee cane  or Malacca one was that hard to find i the UK) Sadly we still have not been able to  get one of these little beauty's and allow me to sample the different effect that the nodules have that are set in the actual cane, but we did find a lovely old fashioned walking cane (much like the ones that Charlie Chapman and Buster Keaton etc used to have in the old black and white films ...........) i first felt it thud on my backside as we were walking back from the shops and Master decided to rap my butt from behind, by just bringing it up smartly, and yes it did make me jump.
So when i was told to get the toys out for a harsh bum spanking this time i included the new cane and the two old ones that W/we have...............
Well i cant say i dislike the new one .... i could get used to it, because of the thickness of it it gives a satisfying THUD rather than a whack, and it leaves a warm glow behind as a post to the other two that had been used on me before that bite into the skin. What with  the whole arsenal used across my bum , i have a very nice reminder of how much He cares for me to look after this need for pain that i have .i know i felt the little whippy one at the end, but i am proud of myself that i managed to not freak out at it. i am learning to love all the canes , and i have nothing but love for Master with the way He is doing this.... i probably could have taken more yesterday afternoon but He is doing the introductions of them slowly, and has left me now wanting to feel them more now instead of dreading them as W/we had such a good session.
Thank you Master  i love You
saffy



the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .