Cheeky Quotes

Saturday, 31 December 2011

Goodbye old year................................

 When this post first started to form , it was going to contain goodbye old year, and all the negative things that have happened in it. It was going to be a slammed door, and joyous feelings of leaving all those bad things behind .... the opening of a fresh present, of the New Year. It was ... but it isn't now....
For Y/you see the past year (and of course all its happenings) has actually taught and reaffirmed values... It has given stronger messages than any P/person ever could..and above all it is leaving the family unit , in this house , stronger than ever.
For it has shown that just because a P/person is born in a family, it does not mean that T/they will fit for the ever...that some of the best family to be found are actually the friends that Y/you pick Y/yourself, and that there are very few, when the chips are down that will stand by Y/you unconditionally and still be at Y/your side at the end of the journey.  If Y/you are lucky enough to have them, remember to do the same for them if T/they ever need it. 
Goodbye.... and thankyou 2011 and lets look forward to 2012 in the hope that it teaches lifes lessons so well. 
hugs to A/all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Monday, 26 December 2011

happy holidays

 What a fantastic day.........The turkey was wonderful , as were the veg.. the whole family helped one way or another with the dinner, and there has been much laughter and happiness in O/our house today. Master and i have had a peaceful day, and i have been very content with my backside smarting due to my prechristmas swats that i got with O/our carpet beater yesterday. ( it still throbs wonderfully and has nice neat stripes on it, my bottom that is not the carpet beater... )
Both Master and i had a little giggle at the candles that were on the table, W/we both had the idea that the pools of wax gathered in them would have made nice playtime. Sadly not today,...... but maybe another time when the house is not so busy.
Have a wonderful rest of the day , i hope Y/you all got nice gifts...

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 24 December 2011

all debt paid up, now i can swim not sink.

Yesterday was not a perfect day, nor was it a time that anyone would possibly want to go through in the run up to the holiday season,(nor i guess at any other time of the year if i am honest)
. Master was kind enough to take time out of O/our busy schedule, to drive me over to the church and place flowers on my mothers grave. Then, rather than get flack for not talking to a family member who lived nearby , i asked if we could go and visit him.
i was left wishing that i hadn't have bothered, and feeling like a complete useless human being... No, it was nothing that my Master done, it was the negative attitude of the family member that W/we visited. Once again i felt like a child, lost and alone and above all pouring all the blame on my shoulders for that family members rudeness and inhospitably. He managed to place the blame on my shoulders for his inadequacies and left me with a feeling that i was being emotionally blackmailed and held to ransom. This person then ceased to be my childhood hero, and fell from his pedestal. i no longer trust him, and yesterday the daddy's girl that i was ceased to exist and i grew up .
After this all Master has just held me ,  things seemed really foggy again. It had taken Master a long time to guide me away from blaming myself over my mother and the way she was to me , let alone another person heaping on the guilt... He listened to me talking and crying , held me more... and finally today the feelings fell in place. i am not responsible for my parents , or the way that they behave... nor was i ever. i can not change my father's attitude.. the choices that he is making to damage his health are not caused by me.. they are his choices.
It will never stop me from loving them.. they were my still is... BUT i deserve a chance to be happy and not twisted up with other peoples guilt. Today i made myself a promise to move on from the mess of my childhood and build a stronger and healthy future with Master and i. For now i am going to have a good holiday and celebrate it with people who deserve to be there with me, and thats the way it will remain for the rest of my life.
As if to affirm that promise , Master finally had time to give me my cane strokes i have earnt so far this month..(the boys wwent shopping)  The  fog has lifted and i  feel safe again. i know that He is looking out for me and loves me and this is all that matters.
hugs to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 22 December 2011

day trip


Today has been a really good day, (despite the wobbly start). Master took my middle son and i out to get the last few bits and bobs that we needed to celebrate the rest of the holiday season (apart from the rest of the food and that comes tomorrow). W/we went to a city near us, and although i thought that W/we got there early, W/we ended up milling about in crowds of people, who had obviously all had the same idea. 
Despite this fact... i loved being there and seeing all the different things.... Master got me a new hat.. as my bald patches on my head where getting cold...(i will be glad when the hair decides to grow back again,)and this also stopped people looking so much. (its probably in my mind that people gawp at it...but even so i will be glad when it is back to normal again)
There are so many different shops and stalls to look at there it makes your head spin, but some nice things that i saw , included homemade dried fruit ropes...( citrus fruit etc strung up on a piece of rope) some really nice chests of draws and hanging mobiles... ,There were cushions with sayings on them, picture frames made out of wood in the shapes of hearts , all different oils and incenses.........
i think however the best thing, in my opinion , was a man that looked like a statue of charlie Chaplin......who periodically made a movement and spun his cane.. It made me feel nervous at first , because i thought to start off with it was a statue.. and also i was a bit dubious of the cane as well.... but it was a truly magical thing to see and i wish i had have taken my camera with me. ( yup it was once again forgotten) 
W/we all had lunch at a Chinese noodle bar... and i have to say it wasn't a patch on the ones at China Town in London, but it was still quite nice...Master got me rice, chicken in black bean sauce and something else that i didn't know the name of but it tasted good. 
After this Master decided that because my knee was aching it was time to go back home.......i am glad that i made the effort to go though.. ( i did start off by saying that maybe i didn't want to go to Master yesterday)It was a busy but pleasurable memory . 
hugs to all
saffy xx

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

 A very happy Yule to A/all
Today it is winter solstice, and i have the best gifts that a girl could want. They are, a warm and secure home to live in, ( so many others about U/us do not have this luxury) Food and drink , health,(although not perfect, there is far more people about me who have worse) and the love of my Master . 
Love, saftey and security , the most valuable things that cost nothing but a little time , and commitment. This season i am indeed blessed.
And to top it all now the days will start to get longer and the nights shorter....i am looking forward to this, for the greyness of the last month seemed bleaker than usual.  
hugs to all
saffy xx
the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

hibernation , safe and sound

 Sitting here, i am listening to music with Master, and trying to stop myself from feeling sleepy and wanting to curl in nap. i feel a kind of content wrapped about me, like a warm fuzzy favourite blanket, that comes from a  person that is happy, and at peace with the way their life is at the moment. i know that things are not perfect still over the way that some people are over O/our relationship, but as Master tells me everyone is entitled to an opinion. 
The weather is getting cold outside again and their is frost on the ground most mornings when i wake. It makes the outside look like a winter wonderland that some child has carelessly spilt glitter over , and this morning when i woke there were also diamond stars and a thin moon staring at me from the sky as i looked out of the window  . ( the dog has taken to sleeping in at the moment...she does not like the cold mornings ...kinda funny that for a husky)
Master's care of me seems deeper and more secure and i feel like a Caterpillar in its cacoon, safe and protected until i am ready to dance again as His butterfly. For now i am content in just serving Him ... and the care for the rest of the world will just have to wait. Thank you my Master for caring and loving me. 
have a great day all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 15 December 2011

happy happy happy :-)

Today has been a cold , but deeply satisfying day for me. Master decided that instead of going to the food shop today that we would go and get some of the  presents that i wanted to buy, and have a morning out at the little seaside town near me. 
It was bitterly cold, and i felt tired when W/we left from the Dr's but i have to say that i think all three of U/us had a wonderful time.... (yes my middle son came as well) He brought a few surprises, for presents for people, and quite enjoyed picking things out for Master. i am proud of him.  
i managed to get a few bits and bobs that i needed ... and then Master took us to a shop where W/we had an over indulgence of hot chocolate with all the trimmings on it and chips and a special burger thing for lunch.
i don't think i have had a more wonderful tasting hot chocolate for a long time. It was heavily dosed up with mini marshmallows.... a flake and whipped cream. and we had long spoons to reach inside the glass mug. 
W/we have left the food shop until Friday now... and i know that there will be other times that i have to go out as well... but i feel that i had a good time today and coped reasonably well until i got tired. 
Thank you Master for a wonderful surprise.. i love You . 
saffy xx
the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

It's just another senior moment.!!!!

This morning was a bit of a muddle for me ... i think that senior moments for myself are arriving early. It started off by looking at the calender and seeing that i had a Dr's appointment at nine this morning...All well and good Master and i set off a good time and managed to arrive before the allotted hour to book me in, only to find that the computer wouldn't allow me to... A trip to the receptionist and i was told that my GP was not here today...(but it said nine in the morning for Tuesday i was sure.)A quick glance at the computer list by the reception lady and the problem is solved..... i am 24 hours early.....
i felt stupid.......but mistakes happen i am told by Master, and as so not to waste an entire morning Master and i go out for a coffee and to do a spot of Christmas shopping and manage to grab a book that O/our oldest son has wanted by Jamie Oliver.... This may be a mistake as now we might get all  food designed by him , which is not so bad ..(it could have been Heston Blumenthal, now he does do some pretty odd dishes.)
Searching for the middle ones gift proves to be more of a problem .... he wants lounger pants.. but he has long legs and try to find the right waist size and leg combination was pretty hard.. i feel a trip to the larger towns coming on.
i am happy because i manage to grab a  new enamel pie dish.. no more breaking them when my hand gives way now... and i can now make Master and the rest of the family a nice chicken and mushroom pie for dinner tomorrow. ( the smallest things please me these days when  they enable me to do things for the One that i love.)
After a cold but satisfying shopping trip neither of us feel that the morning was wasted and so i come in, look at the calender and see that the appointment must have been written down wrong in the first place for there it is in bold ink for all to see.....Dr's nine am ...Tuesday 13th December. Still it could have been worse ... it could have been the day before.
hugs to all hope that your days are all going well

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Sunday, 11 December 2011

Some times words are not needed

For a while now O/our  outter rim, of some of the family circle, have been making waves about Master and myself's life. Suddenly everyone has become the worlds best advisor on  how to make a relationship work (or not, as the case might be.... the trouble is they look at it through the eyes of a vanilla ), and this  in itself  would be all well and good, if they didnt put conditions on things and think they knew me and what makes me tick.... (however  well meant their advise is , i wish that they would just butt out at times.) It is hard ... they dont understand the dynamics and guidelines that Master and i live by and they do not see the whole picture. (Even if they did i guess that they still wouldnt understand as it would be (to them) like putting a square peg into a round whole........It just would not fit . )
So although Master and i are back on track, and the close circle of family about us seem to be able to see how much happier i am.... The war with the outter family member's rages on. The sad thing is they are failing to notice my unhappiness at their negativity and babred comments, They do not seem to care that their words and their actions damage me (this abuse to them is ok) All their actions will do in the end is drive me away from them....It is a sad and mixed up world that we live in .....
The only person that i have to take notice of , is Master, and follow His advice and lead, and hope that one day they will understand... In a particular heated phone call , full of well meaning advice, (seeing how stressed i was) Master came up beside me and just cuddled me and stroked my head.... comforting and reassuring me ..and letting me know He supported me. "sometimes words are not needed" . If only all people realised this.
hugs to all.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 8 December 2011

Peace on Earth and goodwill to all.....(isn't that how it goes)

It's dark outside, it's just gone five in the morning and  i am sitting here in the computer room, catching up on blogs and generally maintaining my computer with scans etc at the same time. , it is hard to imagine the battle that has gone on in Master and my life the past month or so, and all the world in this neck of the world feels peaceful and in general is fast asleep.
The house's that have "grown" garish lights over the past few days have yet to be burst into colour (i would hate to have some of the electric bills that those things must produce) and there is a simple quiet that envelops me like a hug, knowing the hustle and bustle of the day is yet to start, and the family i love is  fast asleep.
i can not believe it is nearly yule again...... The days in the year have passed so quick and as usual i am far behind on O/our preparations.... and yet as i sit here and type this i wonder what happened to sense of mystery and magic that use to there when i was younger.....
i remember it used to be a kind of ritual to go and pick the tree, as  a family we would all set of in the car.. and my father would pick what he considered the best shaped and looking tree for celebrating the season... (He also brought a blue cedar tree  on one of these journeys... that was planted when my brother and i were younger, and  is now far taller than both of us put together, and festooned with colourful lights most of the year.)Then we would pay the old man at his shed/hut and proceed to drive home where it would stand in wood shed until it was time to bring it in and decorate it
Decorating the tree never fell to my hands.... i did not have the sense of balance that goes with the job to make the tree look splendid,and instead i got to watch from the side lines as the sparkly objects were unpacked and placed on the spiky branches.....So many of them there were , for my parents had collected them since they were children........some of them sure not to pass the strict safety regulations that we have in place now ....The end job was always toasted by switching on the lights.. Dad with his glass of scotch, mum with her asti... and us kids a glass of ginger wine.
Now the Christmas  ah i can not call that this any longer..( the holiday trees even) are out in the shops it seems in October.. my Son and i even spotted a card in September this year... and the world seems to find buckets of money and fight over the last turkey and orange. It is sad that such a magical time has passed on to be replaced by to so much stress.
 So for now , i plan to have some peace and quiet time, meditate on the good things that Master and i have in O/our lives , and ignore the hustle and bustle of commercialism.  i have the best gift a girl could want for her Christmas, and that is Master here with me, and the feeling of love, security and peacefulness that He gives me unconditionally. Have a good and peaceful day all..... i know i will.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 3 December 2011

One of the nice things about today has been the fact that Master has allowed me to catch up on some much needed sleep , and forget ( well maybe not forget maybe bypass) the routines and tasks. For the last few days i have had a bladder infection , which has made it painful to walk, move even get up and down... and the antibiotics have dulled the pain but turned everything into a nice bright green colour at bathroom time. 
Part of the things i have learnt in the past months is that as much as i dont like not getting my chores done etc....The world wont stop spinning because of this...This doesnt mean that i am not stressed about it.. just the stress level has turned itself down abit and reassurance and a kind word from Master has kept me focused .
Something to think about though....if i love pain (which i do) why am i not enjoying this one... lol
hugs to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Wednesday, 30 November 2011

At peace with the world

Several days have now passed by since Master has been back at home and for myself things have started to feel right and better again. The things that i had missed have slowly fallen back into place and the storm of the people about U/us waving their disapproval etc is barely noticable... (maybe this is because i refuse to focus on anything that they say now, and instead fix my love and passion onto Him.) That is the way it will be from now on.....i trust Master enough to know that He has my best interests at heart and i know that He loves me unconditionally , a trait that some around here in my circle of so called friends and family seem to have forgotten. (how to love a person without putting conditions on things.) 
The just being able to be next to Him and know that i have no secrets, no reason that i can not say things to Him, makes me feel happy and secure and this is what it should have been like before. It is like someone removed a ten ton weight from my shoulders... and i feel one hundred percent better. 
i know that there will be storms ahead.. No one is so lucky as to go through life and not see them.. How ever if i remain open and in communication , and dont try to protect Him from others , then i know  that things will be ok. Before i felt cherished , loved and well looked after ... and now this has been amplified and i feel totally safe.. 
Long may it last ... and thankyou Master for being You xx
the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Friday, 25 November 2011

A beautiful time away

The past week has passed in a blur of travel, talking and spending time with a Man (my Master) that i love , totally and unconditionally with my mind, heart, body and soul.
i have achieved travelling on a train all the way to the capital on my own... not bad for a person who has balance issues and is more secure safe in the comfort of her own home. i have learnt that by belonging to my Master, i am collared to Him far deeper than any bauble or collar that i may have about my neck... for He owns me totally and whole..and that W/we both make each other complete. i have learnt that people about us will almost always try to take away the happiness that they see others sharing .
He has taken me to markets full of crowds of people , where we ate shared oysters and other delicious things... i have seen more culture of our capital than i ever thought possible.. (i now long to go back and spend more time there with Him(despite the crowds and being away from home) so i can take pictures and capture all these memories. i have visited china town and tried chicken feet and a few Chinese dumplings.. seen bins turned into works of art ... and so many things that it would take a year to write them all down.
i have met one of the most kind and caring lady's in the UK... (His sister) who hugged me and made me laugh and gave me unconditional love  when i was down. She has the most beautiful smile and twinkly eyes... and she reminds me a little of a female version of my Master. 
i have seen the largest leaves in the UK.... and many many parks... No one can now say that our capital does not have any green in it. i have also seen tall buildings covered in artificial lights and listened to constant sirens going as the police ...ambulance etc get o their destination. 
i have laid in my bed at night , and watched the aircraft fly over head , with their bright flashing lights  glowing like some space ship........ and listened in content to my One sleeping ... thankful of the chance just to be close and near to Him. 
How ever the most important thing that i have done .. is be with my One .. and learnt the value of myself ... to Him and myself ... and His value to me.. i can not explain it better than this....i am proud to be His girl... to be allowed to serve Him, To be able to start dancing again and living O/our life to the full. i can not wait until the weekend , when i will once again be able to be 24/7 by His side .i am grateful that the last patch of fog has gone and i am safe back where i belong ............soon to be complete serving by His side
Thank you Master for loving me enough to give me another chance 

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

i am going home!!!!

 By this time tomorrow i will have completed (i hope) one of the most important and longest journeys of my life. i am scared , but at the same time excited.... i keep worrying after not being able to sleep for so long, tomorrow i will have a massive lay in and miss the train, and all sorts of things. However tomorrow will come ... just like it always does. i dont have much more to say apart from i wish it was tomorrow already.... but then i wouldnt be talking/blogging on here , i would be in the place where i belong.
i guess that it is normal to feel this scared , but to me it is like a massive jump from  a very high cliff ... with NO saftey net if i am not caught. It is an act of faith and trust.
Hope everyone else is having a wonderful week..... and enjoying the now hot sunshine  that we are having here again... a  wonderful contrast after all the cold and mist that  i have had here both in real weather terms and in mental capacity.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Today has been long and i feel tired but satisfied. i have had alot to think about the past few days, and have neglected my poor blog ...However i am here now .
i have spent the past few days communicating with Him , trying to work a way forward from what has happened. i miss Him more than i ever thought that i would... The good things are that W/we both admit that we love each other still.. It is a starting point. In truth i don't think that my heart ever stopped loving Him....
On Wednesday i get to go and see Him and be by his side to talk and try and resolve things. This brings me to a point what i said in my previous blogs about the split..i was wrong to say i would never have Him back.. i would in a heart beat.. It does not mean that  i am not scared.. nor that i do not value myself, it does mean i have looked inside my heart and can now see that really He is still there and never left .. i can say i love Him and i have learnt alot about things.
i am determined if given a chance i can show Him how much i care, and make a step forward to resolving the things that tried to destroy us.
hugs to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

sunshine with sushi

 Sighs softly,
Today i came to the conclusion that part of my feeling so low and down has not been helped by the constant grey weather and lack of sun. It has not rained heaps ... (well not at all really) its just that the days have been so grey and i miss the sun. (so if you happen to find the person that "borrowed" it please will you ask them to give it back.)
At the moment my head although still full of fog was strangely helped and focused by an hour and half of music practice. Not all of notes were perfect......(infact i would say that 80% didn't turn out great cos my eyes chose that moment to start to water again. ) However i done it , and i plan on doing more tomorrow as well. The dog has been for two walks today... one was a long one , with just me and her and we managed to get nearly to the church that i went to the day that i was down ... ( then i remembered that the vicar would probably not think very kindly if i took the dog in there) so back home we went. Tomorrow i will find a different place to drag her to, and thank goodness that her head collar actually makes it easier to walk her now.
While out she got rather excited to see two other huskies , and i got excited to see a Wallace and gromit bike..Well it was actually a motor bike and sidecar but it looked like the one from Wallace and gromit .. so that is what i am going to call it.
i was given another email yesterday.. i am grateful for the time that was taken to actually write this one. It helped alot . It resulted in a phone call and an invitation and strangely enough , that invitation has given me something to focus on. i also know that it has strenghtern the fact that i love that man so much.  i don't know the way forward yet , but hopefully one day at a time the fog will lift.
hugs  to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

maybe just maybe

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 5 November 2011

 Today i found an email sent to me.. and i am left more confused than ever. i see things from my side of the picture that i am looking at , others see it from theirs. i know i need answers , need to sort my mind out , but for now i don't seem able to.
i hate not having routines in my life , not having a sense of worth when i achieve something and so i decided maybe i aught to do things for myself a little ( not for others) . i can start by looking after me and my son, and our lovely dog . Watch out world i am about to bounce back up fighting again. i am a human jack in a box........i have done nothing wrong , and so i can hold my head high.
hugs and light to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Friday, 4 November 2011

Saturday, 29 October 2011

weather still foggy.

 Another day passing by and at least now i have a mobile phone. Tesco's of all places had them in there for ten pounds .. so i actually got one . It sends texts , and makes calls and is not expensive if i drop it or lose it. Now at least i can  be a little independent if i am out, and call or texter people . Now all i have to do is remember to carry it about with me if i go in the garden etc.
On another note life is cold and the mist is still there.... i just cant seem to focus on things at the moment, but at least writing things down seems to give glimpses of colour in this black and white world. Keiko keeps bringing me her bone and dropping it in my lap as if to say "eat this mum it will cheer you up".
i came the closest i have to cutting today , but fortunately a wet nose and a nuzzle stopped me  .. the blades were some that i found on a floor in my bedroom. This may have felt as if it would have let the pain out , but the past should tell me it will be back tenfold and with a loathing towards myself if i did. i am NOT going down that route again.. no one is worth the mutilation of my body . i forget how many years have past since i felt this way and it is a vicious circle. 
The CD of his favourite classical music that i brought him for yule arrived today.. i have placed it out of the way , so i can deal with it when i am stronger. It made me cry when i saw it for that music used to soothe me so much. now i know it will make me cry. They say that love is blind.. well i certainly was for those years.
hugs to all out there

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Friday, 28 October 2011

fog and a broken rag doll

 Life at this moment seems to be like a thick fog... not the fog that you get in the autumn morning before the sun sneaks through and disperses it..... but the thick sea fog that crawls in from the sea and swamps and suffocates all the goodness about you. Numbing the bones and chilling the heart. Tears and questions whizz about in confusion and the odd one sneaks out in defiance to the fact that despite the fact that you say you are not going to weep any more , they can still escape from the well that is over flowing in you. The dog keeps me sane and is the only thing i can afford to allow in the wall that i am building about me , for none of this is her fault and she gives me unconditional love. Anyone Else's i wait for their help, their chatter to cause me pain and damage the fragile threads that hold me together. i still can not believe he is no longer here, but i know i have to accept he will no longer be back so i can recover. ( half the time i do not wish to .... and yet i know that no one else will look after the dog and she at least i can trust.)
And so i feel broken... like a rag doll, even an orange, (my favourite fruit) i can not eat as it holds memories of him and sharing every single one for four plus years that i have eaten. People in the background tell me what they think, how they think i should behave, and how i am strong...........not for me i am not....only for my hound. How could one man have so much power , and how could i allow that power to nearly destroy me when he went.
Autumn will pass ...........
hugs saffy

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 25 October 2011


 Just  a short post to say, the man that i called Master left me today, after four years of living with each other. i did not know that this was coming, when i asked him why he could not tell me .... but i can not have him back in my life again. i am to fragile from the past and can not allow myself to be hurt again, i have taken him back once ... i would be a fool to damage myself again.
i will try to blog and carry on with my life, but for now i need to repair and grow strong again, if you love a man the way i loved him you do not just stop loving him over night , and now only time will fix the gaping wound he has left behind.
i do not blame him for this, nor do i blame myself.... i just know i am full of hurt and pain at the moment and probably in shock.
hope you have a better week than i am

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Its music time ..........................

Years ago i learnt to play the clarinet........This was an answer to a desire that i had to learn a musical instrument..(my bro had learnt the piano and the trombone , whilst he was younger , but there wasn't always money for two lots of lessons, so because i was the youngest and because he was already learning both these instruments ...mine was put on hold.)
 My parents had guests to stay at the farm where we grew up and one of these came back every year, and was the conductor and leader of a  band that played for a local theatre near us. He played among other things a saxophone and a clarinet... and i fell in love with the way he made it almost sing, and talk, through the notes that he got out from it. He encouraged my parents to allow me to learn to play (or i may have never have learnt) and i was the proud owner of a black b flat clarinet.
Reading music and  such like did not come natural to me , and i very often would play by air rather than follow the music that i was meant to be reading . The music teacher that i had was very talented, but said because i continued to do so that  my parents money would be better spent on  other things, as i was playing by air rather than reading the music and although this was not a bad thing , he was honest enough to say that he felt a fraud taking my parents money.
Time passed i learnt to read the music whilst i was playing (well at least until i had learnt the notes) and i spent many hours escaping with trusty musical instrument. Until i had the wrong choice in my life and that person did not understand my choice of escape and so he sold it to fund a gambling addiction, i was after all  a key of  escape to a very negative part of my life, and he responded to those protests with his fists and by violence. I didn't protest any more.
A few more years past and one of my aunts died. She left me some money, and when i went to buy my son a classical guitar , there in the sale items was a clarinet.. and that day i was selfish and replaced that musical instrument that was sold , with a new one. More years followed and my young daughter and i got to learn new bits of music together , ( for she played her trumpet). This changed the day she left home , without telling us where she was going, because we had told her she was not allowed to go out during the week , she had gone from a straight A student to failing her mock exams.. but she was over 18 and there was nothing  Master and i could do about it. The clarinet suddenly reminded me of her and of the beating and my voice and mouth stopped singing and playing the music. She came back into our lives later on ( three long months)  she had got in with the wrong crowd of people................. but this post is not about her and the past this is about music.
Still i could not sing and i could not pick up my clarinet..... It had to many associations.. and in my mind it could have stayed in its case  ... but Master, being Master, had noticed that i didn't play it any  more and in my revised rules it had this  one that said, 40 mins practice on a Tuesday. i badly wanted to get angry with Him . i badly wanted to scream and hide all the reeds up .... but i knew i had to try.....i knew that this was an order and i didn't want to let Him down either.
Well today is Tuesday.. and i have done over 40 minutes clarinet practice.... i  can not control my breathing so well as i could before and  therefore i can not play allot of the tunes that i used to be able to play. However during that time that i was playing it  , it was like someone switched on a light again and part of my soul lit up. It made sense to alot of things that have been bothering me, and showed me a valuable lesson.
It explained to me that if you don't keep up with a thing, no matter what it is, you can not maintain the balance of the expertise that you have achieved. It explained to me why i was in the past as  a slave such a brat, and had trouble following orders , because  this what had started of as natural before had been removed by inconsistency and negativity . The boundaries of discipline had been removed and i had been like a child in some ways running free but lost at the same time.
i know from who i am that i need a routine and boundaries even now... because of my genetics and because of who i am, these keep me safe. Discipline is needed whilst playing a musical instrument ...and consistency and without these i set myself up to fail. Luckily i have a Master that is not afraid to remind me ... Hopefully with these structures in place, of practice, and consistency, i will become the clarinetist that i was before...
Thank you Master for this new guide line .. i didn't understand it but i believe in a way i am now beginning to.
saffy xx

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Monday, 10 October 2011

Chanson D'amour

Chanson D'amour

Chanson d'amour, ra da da da da, play encore 

(song of love, ra da da da da ,play again)

Here in my heart, more and more

(here in my heart, more and more )
chanson d'amour ,ra da da da da, je t'adore
(songs of love , ra da da da da, i love you)
each time i hear, ra da da da da, chanson chason d'amour.
(each time i hear, ra da da da da ,songs ,songs of love)
Ra da da da  da
Ra da da da da
 Chanson d'amour , ra da da da da, je t'adore
(song of love,ra da da da da , i love you)
each time i hear , ra da da da da , chanson chanson d'amour
(each time i hear, ra da da da , songs , songs of love)
every time i hear
(every time i hear)
chanson chanson d'amour
(song song of love) 

In case anyone is wondering why this song and its translation has appeared on my blog, it is because for the past few days i have not been able to get it out of my head, and have been singing the ra da da da piece of it to Master all the time. i didn't know what the French words in it meant , apart from the je t'adore ( i love you), and so Master set me the task of finding this out. 
It has not even got a story lyric to it... but is catchy because everyone can remember the ra da da da da bit, and i think it sounds good. There again i love music of all kinds so this is no surprise to me. There has been alot of people do copies of this song including a rather fun version by the muppet show , where a puppet blows something up every time the ra da da da da bit is sung. 
Another reason i like this song is because of the saxaphone playing in it.... i love the way that it almost songs  and flows with the notes. i don't think that this would sound the same on any other instrument but plan to try it out on my clarinet at a later date. i love music, it makes my heart feel happy and creates energy in loads of positive ways.
Hope all have had a happy and healthy weekend , and will have a good week 
hugs saffy

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Friday, 7 October 2011

Control and comunication

i had an email from a young man the other day to apologise about something that he had written on a board, which was a direct insult to the people that were trying to give him advice. He had , in my opinion tried to hard to be what others wanted him to be and needed to grow up allot and learn from the advice that was being given to him. (the stuff that i had read was not malicious at him just trying to stop him getting hurt again, as this had happened by his own admission on two occasions before hand. ) i must admit i have not replied to this email...
It did however provoke this responses in my head
How many times had i in the past tried to do things my way, even though Master had given me advice , only to discover His way would have got me there quicker. (it has taken  a long time to be able to let go of my thoughts and ways of doing things.) i am one million times better than i was when i first met Master, yet i know as long as i wear His collar i will still have things to learn and routines and ways to be taught.
Luckily Master realises this i guess, and He continues to teach me........ The lessons and instructions get harder at times , and they are not always what i would want to learn, and yet i continue to grow.
i also learnt, it is not always about the what you say, but about the way you say it..........for instance if i told Master ( and  i don't think i would ever say this to Him) "f off i am not going to do this " for what ever the reason , i do not think that i would be able to sit again, my mouth might actually taste the bar of soap that He threatens me with when the odd word that He does not like slips out, and i would be very lucky to have a Master.
However the past has shown me that if i explain to Master i would like a chance to do things a certain way.... He may or may not listen , ( and if there is a reason why i have asked Him this i know He will listen) It does not guarantee i will get things my own way.  Life is about accepting the good things with the bad .......and this is true with a 24/7 lifestyle as well.
If i was to have a tantrum every time that i didn't like something i guess i would be permanently in a state of anger. Anger achieves nothing... It does loads of damage and can drive away the help that is being offered, For this reason it pays to be in control of ones emotions and try to reflect back the care that my One gives me and act in a way that makes Him proud.
i have come a long way since i first knew Master, i still have a way to go, but i think i can safely say i have never sworn or behaved in an aggressive manor to a person that was trying to help me,  be it before i was collared or since . Nor would i want to want to do so.


the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

a day out

The other week , i decided that Master and i, really did not get very much me time, and wrote to Him to ask for a date . Well today was the day that we went out, and what  a fantastic time we had. We went to sleepy  town nearby O/ours, and Master choose lunch for me at the cafe place. We had a cottage pie and some chips......and i must admit i could not manage all of the chips because the pie was so filling . For those who have not had the pleasure of having it is a bit like a  Shepard's pie , with minced lamb , veggies and gravy on the bottom layer, then this one had mashed potato, leek and cheese on the top. It tasted Divine. 
i like eating in this particular cafe , and i am glad that Master chose for me or i would just have had a salad , which is my normal choice there, and would have missed the comforting hug that this food gave me. Its kind of nice when Master makes the choices when W/we are out, because i never know what i fancy and tend to stick to one thing the whole time.
There was a pleasant breeze blowing in through  the big sash window at the rear end of the cafe but that kind of disappeared when  a couple came in a shut the window with no thought to ask the other customers.... i was glad by this time Master and i had finished and were leaving.
On going outside , i nipped into a florist to get Him a rose , i love buying Master flowers, but the lady said that she didn't have any in , and asked what i wanted it for ........when i told her she found me a white/cream one that was obviously going to go in one of her flower arrangements and said i could have it for free , for keeping romance alive. i was so chuffed. It is not often a stranger does something nice these days , and i would definitely go back in her flower shop and buy flowers again.
Master and i had a lovely afternoon scouring the shops for a birthday card for my son , and in the end we went to a supermarket and got a cake, ( i cant make one as the oven is  not working properly and i have to wait now, to do any proper baking until Friday when we get our new one. ) and a card. i would have liked to get some nuts as well but because of the choccy biscuit incident the other day,  Master said no, when i looked at them to much i was reminded no by a short but sharp pinch on my butt........which reminded me and brought me to heal very quickly.
i love the fact that He is Master strict again, bratty girl is now trying to be good again............and i had  a wonderful day. Even better i have made it to the 4th of October and still do not have any chalky marks on my board ......Maybe this will be the month i don't earn ANY.
hugs to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

a lesson learnt

  The last few weeks i have taken it on myself to try and do things my way, not consciously but it kind of started to happen when Master was not feeling to good . i get very down when He is ill.... because my maternal side takes over and i want to try and take over doing everything , including making decisions that really shouldn't be mine to make. ( in truth He does not get ill that often, how ever when it does happen, and because He has such a strong influence over me, i miss the control ......every girl likes consistency, and i start to feel like a fish out of water.)
Well enough of the excuses ... because in the cold light of day they are just that, i got really bratty and turned into a green eyed monster , reflecting back on myself that i was not a nice person, because i forgot to communicate with Him. i hid the fact that i was being like this ( i thought quite well) , but on the inside my insecurities were making me think all sorts of stupidity, while on the outside i thought that i was doing a real good job of being me.
All i wanted was for Him to notice, but because i forgot to talk He wasn't sure what the problem was and so the circle continued. i wanted my strict Master well again, and yet when He did get to feeling better i wanted also to control all that was going on about me as well....In truth what i probably deserved was a good cane across the arse a few times and an apology for allowing my imagination to run over time .
i was shown by Him the way i have improved over the last few years, i appreciate the talk and the way that He was able to reassure and calm me once He knew what was wrong with me, and in the future i must try to remember that He is not a mind reader, and a little communication goes a long way. i have my instructions that i can follow and i know that He is adding gradually to these . Thanks Master for being there and sorry that You recovered from  being poorly to  a bratty slave again

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 1 October 2011

 Today has been a good day.
It really started last night , when Master allowed me to wear my butt plug, this always puts me in a relaxed and submissive frame of mind , but this time i had the added spice of ginger root as well. (that doesn't relax me to well but does make me feel very good) i was sent off to bed and felt good even though my strokes from His devil cane and the added stimulation of a plug and ginger made sure i wasn't to relaxed, and eventually managed to find my way to sleep on my belly.
Master woke me when He came to bed  and gave me a very good play time, and after this i slept really soundly until nearly an hour before my normal get up time. The pain that i was given the night before was still there and set me in a good frame of mind for the rest of the day.
Master had another surprise for me this afternoon though, as the weather is so hot over here , He took me to the beach. It is not commercialised at all and as it was not the weekend or the middle of the summer holidays there were not that many people about. The walk to get there was a bit of a hike, but it was nice because i there were tree tunnels to walk down (where the trees have grown together over the track) and so there was shade as well.
W/we both took allot of pictures with the ipod and camera ... and i had a wonderful time watching the wild birds on the lake nearby as well. Then Master told me to take my hiking boots and socks off and go for a paddle .... ( i have not been for  a paddle in the sea for years.....well at least ten probably more as the children were young last time this happened. ) It was wonderful feeling the sand beneath my toes , and the waves wash and splash up my legs...The water although cold to start off with soon felt warm and even when i got splashed by a wave my dress soon dried when i came out of the sea.
All to soon it was time to go home, but i really enjoyed this surprise day out with Master and the fun that we had The sea and beach is a special place for me and i am blessed that i had such a magical time. If i didn't have Master with me i don't think that i would have paddled in the sea , and i am truly grateful that He instructed me to.
Thanks for a brilliant 24 hours Master i love you

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 29 September 2011



Well for a long time i have not had a word from Master to prod my brain into action, however today when i asked for one i got given this one. (yuck!!!) i had to go to look it up in my little dictionary and after reading the results of what it meant , i don't think that it could apply to me . 

 Without interest or concern..... well i am the nosiest person that i know so that certainly didn't apply, and i certainly worry and nurture most, if not all things that i gather. i have an opinion on most things , (even if it is shown not to be quite correct sometimes) 

Neither good nor bad in quality or character.... lol.....well ummm I'm either good or bad, never sort of bobbing in the middle as i guess you could realise by my chalk board, and my long quest to become the perfect (coughs) girl.

Reading on i discovered it can also mean unimportant, immaterial,not essential, of only a moderate amount , neutral in an electric , chemical or magnetic way, not specialized as in cells or tissues in a biological way.....

Looking at it i would say that to be indifferent has no place in the  Master slave relationship that i live in.  If i was indifferent or behaving in an indifferent manner to Master i would be wrong because as my head of household He is my top priority. He is important, essential, and as i am in a 24/7 relationship i guess it could not even be applied there. (as we are certainly not part time)

If He was indifferent to me it would destroy me. i have a need to be the number one girl in His life, i flourish in His love and care that He gives me , and i hate it when He is ill , because that is the closest to the word that i can think of applying in O/our relationship. These times  He switches off and just focuses on getting Himself better. ( this is not meant as a criticism, as i can understand why He does this) i know deep inside that He cares at these times when it has happened , but it unnerves me . 

Time has shown U/us  that i need direction and maintenance without these , without the correction , without the guide lines i soon become lost.  

Thank you Master for  the word ...



the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

tick tock bed time .

 One of the things that Master and i are doing at the moment is trying to get my night time routine back to normal...... ( it sort of  gradually went out of the window with sleep patterns etc when i broke the toe.... )and the cranky girl that i get when i don't have a routine started to make a come back.
Anyhow bedtime has been set to ten... so i can read my book and relax, generally unwind and not be wound up by comments and articles on the Internet. ( a nice time for me as i like an early start in the morning so i can gather some  me time . )
The first night i am afraid i managed to stuff up completely and earned a point...........( i hated that point because i know i wasn't going to get more than one this month... or that was my secret goal and it has now made me up to four) To date Master has not managed to find the privacy for us for me to collect my cane stroke for getting it.... however.......i just know He wont forget it cos He loves that devil cane far to much. Last night i managed to be ready for bed before ten ........( by a whole ten minutes....) i was so proud of myself.
i  really am trying hard to stick to my guide lines and  the help that Master gives me . It makes it easier knowing each rule (guideline ) that He puts in place is there because it helps me in some way and that in itself  to follow them because i still want to be the best i possibly can for Him.
(and one day have no points on that blackboard.
hugs to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Friday, 23 September 2011


 Well it looks as if the bad fairies ( are there such things, cos it seems like it at the moment ) all came together today and stacked my plate high full of hiccups to deal with. It started half way through the night when Master took Himself to sleep downstairs , ( He was not feeling to good ) The day/night for me didn't get much better , as by this time my foot was doing the throb that it did just before it got its bone infection last time.
Sleep came in dribs and drabs and in the end i got up because it seemed pointless laying there trying hard not to count out the rhythm of the throb . I discovered Master asleep downstairs on the settee, at a most weird angle and decided to go back upstairs myself (as the foot was by this time at full pain again) and rest until the pain killers kicked in.
On examination i could see that the redness had already started on one of the breaks, and big toe could now once again be called sausage toe such was its blimpiness. i felt totally cheesed off. Struggling i managed to persuade the boys to help me do the shop, and get three loads of laundry done before concurring that i needed to slow down or it was going to swell even bigger... so it was put up (my foot) and the boys managed to get me some more antibiotics from the Dr's.  Hopefully it will go back to its normal size soon and i will just have to make sure that i don't do to much on it ..... plus make an appointment with the Dr to see if it will ever get totally better .... It's been a long time since the beginning of June and i just want normality.
Never again will i moan about having to do things , cos i feel as if i am being punished as i have to rest , rest , rest again, and my woolly headed dog does not understand why.
Hopefully next blog will be less  :-( and more :-)
hugs to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Sunday, 18 September 2011

following a different path to set me free

 This evening Master and i watched a DVD called the "the dead poet society" , with the rest of O/our family.An excellent DVD in my opinion, and it had many messages in it. One of the strongest   meanings that came across to me, was that we should all be able to live O/our lives the way that we wish, and not be afraid of being O/ourselves . (as so to speak) . Of course there was more of a story to it than that , including that of  a young boy who shot himself because his parents didn't allow him to follow his dream of being an actor.
The weird thing about it was that i can see the way that W/we as society do tend to follow a crowd and not create a path of O/our own . The way that we run as a pack and move with the strongest leader , gangs do it, football supporters do it, even churches do it............and if we don't fit in with this pack then we are seen to be an out caste, or weak , or maybe both, sometimes shunned and rejected, and so for the most society tries to fit in.
In a D/s relationship , i guess that many might say that by following a Dominants orders i am not making my own path, but to them i say, i have free will  , i took the first step on the path that i follow, many years ago, It sometimes goes against every fibre in my body to follow  His orders or to keep my mouth closed ( and yes i know i don't always achieve this) "BUT" the rewards of following Him.... down the path that i chose to walk with Him, and He chose to lead  out way the moments of unsureness . It doesn't always fit the  norm.....but it is O/our norm, W/we don't always fit the criteria of perhaps what a person would believe the correct one to be in BDSM, but it is O/our criteria fits U/us , it is comfy, and i am happy , so is He .
What more could a person want .. and who would have thought watching a little film could create such a thought chain.
hugs to A/all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 17 September 2011

four years.... and still counting

Today saw Master and my four year anniversary of being 24/7. (not bad for a girl who started talking to her Master , because of the lovely poem that He had on His web page.
i must admit i am not always the most perfect of slaves. i don't automatically get everything right, and obey instantly, and my mouth has got me wrong on more than one occasion when it forgets to connect to my brain, and instead tells me i am the boss. Which makes ( in my opinion ) my submission to Him more special and deep. It is hard to bow down at times.... and yet He (for the most) makes it easy....
There are in O/our lifestyle very few rules, He asks for honesty, He gets it, (though sometimes it gets me in deep dooo dooo ) i do know that i love Him with every fibre of my body and every ounce of my spirit that makes me whole. 
i am ashamed to admit that the last few weeks has seen me very tearful and a bit edgy , and i was worried that i was turning into slavzilla , However earlier on today i think i found part of the reason why. When i went into hospital , i of course took my evening primrose capsules with me . ( these have been very good for smoothing out my hormones) i have not thought anything about these silly tablets , until i saw them today sitting on the shelf in O/our room and realised that i had not been taking them since i came back because they are not with my normal meds.  ( i have started to take them again now ....... and hope that hey will soon kick in again. )
After a stormy start... weather wise and mood wise for me , Master and i had a wonderful day visiting some favourite places and ending up having a lovely meal together at O/our local Indian restaurant .
Many thanks Master for making this a lovely day , and treating me like a princess... i am the luckiest girl alive.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Saturday, 3 September 2011

happy happy happy

 Master and i have never been on holiday together , come to think of it , i don't think that i have been on a holiday since  nearly fourteen years ago, and that was only a holiday park. Yes there was the odd days out , or nights away, but i can not remember the last proper holiday that i had , and i don't think i have ever been on an adult one.
This is about to change as Master and i have arrange to go a way to a lovely log cabin with its own hot tub , sauna and every thing ...... and in case no one realises it i am bouncing in excitement. (we even get our own spa bath and four poster bed) .
i feel thoroughly spoilt, and well ,like bouncing all about the room in excitement, next year if this goes to plan we may even try abroad in  a little villa somewhere. (for me it still has to be fairly secluded or quiet as i still don't do noise that well. ) Anyhow i know  i have something to look forward to, and i know W/we will have a fantastic time .Made even better that it is not to far away from Master's favourite seaside town.
Another positive is that my physio is getting in touch with the hospital for me and finding out about the damage of my foot, so we can then work on getting it completely better ( well as much as it will do) and then i will be able to take O/our dog out in the mornings again on my own. (something Kiki and i have been missing.)
hugs to all out in blogger land

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 1 September 2011

my heart and plate balancing

 Today i have felt like a plate spinner trying to keep all the different aspects of my life spinning and well balanced...not always successfully, but i am managing. The young ones have an agenda i think that they like to keep wobbling the metaphoric poles and trying to knock my balance completely... add that with life's other surprises that it throws at you and well... you have a stressed bunny (me) that doesn't run for a peaceful house. i have gradually come to the conclusion after living with three males (my Master and sons) that females definitely do think differently to males.
However i digress... the last day and a bit have flown past and before i have realised it we are nearly at the beginning of a new month, (thankfully with only 6 points....) It has been difficult for me not to earn the ten this month, and i have had to work harder it would seem on biting my tongue and not being a pain to Master or allowing my brain to wander and  earn points really quick. (the way it does if i do not hold it in check) . Ten points was certainly a better challenge for me considering that i used to get eleven or twelve i think that i have done quite well . ( but i hope that i am not given a lesser amount again for some time. )
Master and i managed to go out on bank holiday Monday (without the kids) and we had a Thornton's ice cream, (brazil nut crunch) in the sleepy seaside town that we visited. He also brought me a handsome filing cabinet which i have just finished filing all my paperwork and have given the boys the old ones that my stuff had out grown.
It was nice to be with Master and just have Him to myself for a change. However by the end of the day i could feel the injury's from my foot and knee flaring up and hurting and i was glad to be home. Master brought me the new add on for my Sims game , (i love playing this but i have to be disciplined that it doesn't take over my life and leave me with no time to create O/our home and achieve all the little bits that i desire to do as well. Computer games are addictive to me and i have to try hard not to run over on time spent on them...(not that Master has ever set any rules , only that i have to be off the game i play in the evenings by ten pm, so my brain has a chance to settle down before sleep.

The last few days my necklace has been held a little more in my hand than normal. Such a small thing that silver heart on a silver chain, but it means the world to me, being symbolic of my collar that i am allowed to wear when there are no young adults or 'nillas about. It focuses me on my submission and gives me strength on all the low spots that have been about when the boys have wound me up. i am so proud that i am allowed the honor of wearing this and that i am Master's girl.  It reminds me of a deep part of my life that i need , want and grow from....and one that gives me strength to carry on in the 'nilla world when things go haywire all about me..Of course none of it is really necessary because my submission lives deep within my heart itself, but it is nice to have something to hold onto and be reassured .
hugs to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

a pizza , a closed door and goodbye to those horrid tablets !

 Last night i found myself tired beyond my normal state.... A while ago back i was "given" a decision to come off computer games at a reasonable hour,  to be able to wind down, take my meds , and relax as so to speak before sleep. ( i am constantly thinking that i can add more and more into my life and consequently a decision had to be made) It worked well for a while , until the last few weeks when i have been on a massive dose of antibiotics...........and my routine was shot yet again out of the window. Once again my brain was in over drive and finally came to a crash with a nightmare that O/our daughter had been stabbed , (thanks to a hoodlum on a chat programme threatening to do this to her). Fortunately this wasn't true, and only a dream, but i found myself awake unable to go back to sleep at 4 am  in the morning. (worrying about the hospital visit, and whether the youngest member of O/our family was safe.
i didn't have time to discuss this with Master... i beat about the the bush trying to, and i think various aspects of the worries materialized, and then it was tie to travel to the hospital again. Panicking inside, i made a note that the junior Dr  didn't even know what  problem that i was there for ... this alone made me close off to Him and panic, but, fortunately Master was able to come with me and explained to the Dr what the trouble was..
The outcome is that i don't have to take anymore antibiotics anymore at the moment....there are other problems but that was the main positive one that i am going to hold onto and focus on. So Master left that hospital with a much happier slave than the one that He took in.
A peaceful night was had by both of U/us and i am so happy that maybe soon i will be able to go on more walks etc again, and have ways to recharge my batteries rather than relying on other people. This lasted until when i went to bed when i was met by a noise of a gang of teenagers having a party and getting progressively more and more drunk out the back..... sleep was not going to come anytime soon which was rather hard on me as i was tired , because of the early morning start.
Maybe it was just as well, as we then received a phone call from O/our daughter to say that O/our son needed picking up at 12:30 am at a city near U/us. The annoying part was there was no way W/we could get in touch with Him as He had His phone off ( ran out of battery again) .. so off we went on a 3/4 hour journey, and arrived in good time at the train station .........nearly 30 Min's early thanks to my panic that the train may be early and son wouldn't know we were coming after Him and therefore be  lost in the city.....
On arrival , we said well we would go and get a coffee on the station, but the doors were all locked and apparently not going to be opened until the train arrived in... there was no way to work out if it was on time or not... Thankfully Master spotted a pizza shop and walked me across to buy a pizza ( for son is always hungry when travelling home from France ....) This killed the time enough till the train pulled in. and W/we were able to take O/our late night travel man home .
The sad thing that i spotted , whilst we were locked out of that train station was that there was a young lad , in His early twenty's/ late teens , sleeping rough outside the doors and another over the other side of the car park. i am not so silly that i don't realise that this type of thing goes on.........but it hurts to see young folk with no family about them. It made me realise how lucky  W/we A/all are that W/we have each other and do not have to have to suffer the hardship of sleeping in a door, with only the night sky as a blanket. Not so bad on a hot night , but an awful thought at the coming winter nights , or even in the cold rain.
On reaching home it was not a good thing to discover that the noisy party goer's continued to yell , scream and fight most of the night .... until a certain girl got so fed up  at 5.30 am, and worried that they would wake her Master up, that she marched her arse downstairs out the back............and Shouted at them that she had had enough....and told them to belt up.... shock from those young people must have shushed them.... and it was totally out of character to me.... but it worked and peace reigned for a while.
wishing  all a peaceful day

ps did i mention no more antibiotics for a while :-)

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Thursday, 18 August 2011

time changes us

Today as i sit at the desk where the PC is, i have allot of thoughts on my mind. Often in the past i have asked myself if i was good enough to belong to a person, once i questioned if the actual lifestyle was right for me, (these days, there is no doubt in my mind that it is) .
When i first was a submissive/slave/bottom , what ever you like to call it , i thought that every ones Master/Mistress was honourable and didn't lie. i was, without a doubt , what Master would call very gullible and green. i learnt the hard way, that you done as you told when your Owner asked you to do something, (even if They wern't about) and what you were told do was what you were meant to do... In general i got great pleasure in obedience and a warm glow at the satisfaction of making a P/person proud of me .
Times change and things never stay the way they are, even if you think they well... Circumstances happen , and i searched for a relationship that was like the one that i had before (ie with the warm glow and satisfaction), but , unwise choices were made , People that claimed to know what they were talking about on the nett obviously didn't. i was lucky in someways that i was only taken for a ride a few times . However my rosy glasses became clouded and i learnt that people were not always as they seem . (who knows looking back maybe i wasnt what i seemed either... after all i wanted real, where many people were content with fantasy.)
Finally Master came along, and i was a bratt, i had this dim distant memory of who i wanted to be , but in my heart of hearts i no longer really knew if it was possible. i have fought my One , (mentally) on issues where i was scared of getting hurt, and i guess some would say that i was a little like a prickly cactus in letting people close to me. Yet He persisted , and kept on loving and guiding me ....
i worked through a mixture of emotions...( i still do at times) but ultimately in these last few years he has taught me that i am still saffy, i am His girl , and i am loved able to love back. The more He trains me , the more i crave for , the more i want to please, but that little imp is still there that gets me into trouble ,... for i am still human after all.
i have learnt it is easier to follow the guide lines  (but it doesnt stop me exploring sometimes with His permission......) i am also learning to bend in the direction He requires and not what i think He does. Life is good, but challenging.  It is where i want to be and of that i am sure for i love the feel of His dominance , it brings me security and safty . i am loved for me , with His help i follow in His footsteps to reach my future, cherished and secure . i no longer want or need to find the girl of the past for He has upgraded me into a better model and now.
Change happens.............It is not always a bad thing

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

my comfort zone

This afternoon i have revelled in the luxury of a reminder from my Master that i am His girl......W/we were laying on the bed having a cuddle after Master had playfully swatted my backside with a  rattan carpet beater  a couple of times.......... ( still He searches for a quiet tool to swipe my bum with for maintenance swats throughout the day....) As i lay there i happened to say to Master that His swats hadn't hurt .....(yeah i know , wave the red flag at a bull time ) He replied by grabbing the inside of my thigh and pinching it hard i now have bruises of His finger marks on my leg. Not that i am complaining now for these have given me a lovely feeling to concentrate on when my mind starts to wander to not so positives.
Never before have i felt so loved and cherished as i do with this Man ... He is not afraid to give me what my body craves for and as he enjoys giving it to me  there is a complete and perfect balance. Is it wrong to enjoy this pain...? No i don't think so , for it is controlled ad it keeps me focused on good and positive things. i don't have the need to try and control anymore and i feel relaxed and happy , despite all that is going on about me .
hugs to all

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .