a lesson learnt

  The last few weeks i have taken it on myself to try and do things my way, not consciously but it kind of started to happen when Master was not feeling to good . i get very down when He is ill.... because my maternal side takes over and i want to try and take over doing everything , including making decisions that really shouldn't be mine to make. ( in truth He does not get ill that often, how ever when it does happen, and because He has such a strong influence over me, i miss the control ......every girl likes consistency, and i start to feel like a fish out of water.)
Well enough of the excuses ... because in the cold light of day they are just that, i got really bratty and turned into a green eyed monster , reflecting back on myself that i was not a nice person, because i forgot to communicate with Him. i hid the fact that i was being like this ( i thought quite well) , but on the inside my insecurities were making me think all sorts of stupidity, while on the outside i thought that i was doing a real good job of being me.
All i wanted was for Him to notice, but because i forgot to talk He wasn't sure what the problem was and so the circle continued. i wanted my strict Master well again, and yet when He did get to feeling better i wanted also to control all that was going on about me as well....In truth what i probably deserved was a good cane across the arse a few times and an apology for allowing my imagination to run over time .
i was shown by Him the way i have improved over the last few years, i appreciate the talk and the way that He was able to reassure and calm me once He knew what was wrong with me, and in the future i must try to remember that He is not a mind reader, and a little communication goes a long way. i have my instructions that i can follow and i know that He is adding gradually to these . Thanks Master for being there and sorry that You recovered from  being poorly to  a bratty slave again
saffy

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .