Life at this moment seems to be like a thick fog... not the fog that you get in the autumn morning before the sun sneaks through and disperses it..... but the thick sea fog that crawls in from the sea and swamps and suffocates all the goodness about you. Numbing the bones and chilling the heart. Tears and questions whizz about in confusion and the odd one sneaks out in defiance to the fact that despite the fact that you say you are not going to weep any more , they can still escape from the well that is over flowing in you. The dog keeps me sane and is the only thing i can afford to allow in the wall that i am building about me , for none of this is her fault and she gives me unconditional love. Anyone Else's i wait for their help, their chatter to cause me pain and damage the fragile threads that hold me together. i still can not believe he is no longer here, but i know i have to accept he will no longer be back so i can recover. ( half the time i do not wish to .... and yet i know that no one else will look after the dog and she at least i can trust.)
And so i feel broken... like a rag doll, even an orange, (my favourite fruit) i can not eat as it holds memories of him and sharing every single one for four plus years that i have eaten. People in the background tell me what they think, how they think i should behave, and how i am strong...........not for me i am not....only for my hound. How could one man have so much power , and how could i allow that power to nearly destroy me when he went.
Autumn will pass ...........
hugs saffy
the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .
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