Another day passing by and at least now i have a mobile phone. Tesco's of all places had them in there for ten pounds .. so i actually got one . It sends texts , and makes calls and is not expensive if i drop it or lose it. Now at least i can be a little independent if i am out, and call or texter people . Now all i have to do is remember to carry it about with me if i go in the garden etc.
On another note life is cold and the mist is still there.... i just cant seem to focus on things at the moment, but at least writing things down seems to give glimpses of colour in this black and white world. Keiko keeps bringing me her bone and dropping it in my lap as if to say "eat this mum it will cheer you up".
i came the closest i have to cutting today , but fortunately a wet nose and a nuzzle stopped me .. the blades were some that i found on a floor in my bedroom. This may have felt as if it would have let the pain out , but the past should tell me it will be back tenfold and with a loathing towards myself if i did. i am NOT going down that route again.. no one is worth the mutilation of my body . i forget how many years have past since i felt this way and it is a vicious circle.
The CD of his favourite classical music that i brought him for yule arrived today.. i have placed it out of the way , so i can deal with it when i am stronger. It made me cry when i saw it for that music used to soothe me so much. now i know it will make me cry. They say that love is blind.. well i certainly was for those years.
hugs to all out there
saffy.
the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .
a journal of my Master and i's jouney in the world of TPE and D/s .
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