The dog for her own reasons seems to have sensed my mood and for a change has decided not to pull ahead , but instead walks by my side with the occasional lick to my hand to reassure me in her doggy way that she is here.
Why this writing........Well my heart feels heavy like a rain cloud , it has chinks of sunlight breaking through , in the good things that i have been doing today, but it also threatens to spill tears down my cheeks , as i miss my One. The coldness that surrounds me is like the loneliness that i feel, seeping in my bones and making me tired .
Master has not as you all probably know has not been gone for long , but this tiny shadow of Him not being here crept in within the first ten minutes maybe even five minutes of Him being gone out of the door. It is not that i can not function without Him....i know i can, i have done before i met Him, and other times that He has been away from home for any length of time... its just ... i guess i ....You know i don't know if even i can explain the fact of why to anyone.
The most simplest way would be to say that i love Him.... i want to be that bright crystal reflecting light and making rainbows as He shines on me....instead i feel dull and the light is not shining so good. i know He loves me , that He has His finger on the pulse where ever He is, and yet it is not the same without His look, His touch.....In spite of the fact that i have managed to hurt myself (by accident) whilst He has been away.... i miss His control and Him topping me up on the pain front.......i feel lost and if i do find pain by an accident i feel guilty because it is not the same measured out top ups that He administers to me.
i miss my safe spot under His arm...The sound of His heart beating and the softness of His hand as He caresses my hair and smooths it when it gets a little wild, i miss being able to serve Him a coffee , or share laughter and news, i miss His smile and the sound of Him sleeping as i watch the night hours go by.
i know that i have O/our time on the phone , but this is over so quick and then i feel so alone again.
Master , You are my soul mate , the One i carry in my heart , and the One that has the power to light my life up like the brightest star. i love You more than words can say and i am missing You. i know it will not be long ( i hope) until You are back , and until that time i have to be strong, but at this moment in time i am finding it all very hard. (sorry)
i hope You hurry home soon, and then the sunshine will chase away the storm that seems to be brewing.
with love from my heart, mind , body and soul
saffy
the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .
Although I personally don't like to be dependent on the presence of another, I like reading your posts saffy, you are so good at expressing your feelings. Plus, good vibes can be felt coming from you
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment Sir,
ReplyDeleteThere are times in my life that i like being alone, and in truth i know i can survive on my own, but it is like taking a second class journey when He is not there , not the first class one that i have with Him. ( i guess i am spoilt )
When i wrote this blog i was very tired , having finished a difficult day with family. A meal that we should have had at lunch time had been delayed by nearly three hours and my sugar levels were out of sync. i forgot to take something with me, thinking that we were going to be eating on time, and because of this had a not so good sugar boost. ( my fault entirely ).
i am alot better than i used to be as i am now learning ways to cope with my disabilities, but as You can tell i still have a way to go.
hugs and light
saffy