Taking direction and doing things for myself is sometimes hard. i had a relationship years ago when the time that i had was micromanaged, and as silly as this sounds i kind of got on quite well with this system as i knew exactly what i was meant to be doing and what i wasn't. It might have helped also that i knew if i wasn't doing it that there would be consequences to pay.
Anyhow that was the past. At the moment , because of various points in our lives... Master seems to be OK for me to drift along and make decisions on my own and do things . Yes granted there is a list of things that i was given ages ago and i am asked why i don't use these, and yet i feel there are no boundaries , and am kinda trying to decide whether this is a good thing or not.
Sometime i worry when i write things on here that i am a whining brat.... i know that at times because i don't conform to others ideas straight off , that sometimes Himself thinks so, and yet this is my blog and my place to vent and say what is on and in my mind. If it was always sugar and roses and nothing was ever wrong then it would not be right.
All i know is that with the heat and the way things are i am finding life tough at the moment.
Hugs to all
saffy
the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .
a journal of my Master and i's jouney in the world of TPE and D/s .
I personally think that "conforming" based on what others do, rather than tailoring your individual relationship to to fit your unique needs, usually turns out to be a bad idea. It may take a while for this to dawn on people, but, having two thousand (okay that's a *slight* exaggeration) petty rules of which maybe only two or three are related to something that matters to you and might actually make a positive difference, or scheduling 'maintenance spankings' just because other people say that's the 'right' way to do it, almost always causes problems in the long run. TTWD (whatever the level of power exchange) is not about anybody's else's needs or methods, but about yours.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to having any kind of daily schedule, in my opinion, the rule of thumb is much the same. If *not* having an enforced schedule leaves you with the feeling of being overwhelmed, not achieving and never being able to genuinely relax because there is something you ought to have done but haven't, then I would say that you still need your Master to fully engage with and share the problem by enforcing the schedule.
However, if you manage perfectly well and get everything done without that input from him, then maybe it's not something you happen to need.
If you can work out which of these two camps you stand in, it might help you "decide whether this is a good thing or not".
:-) thank you for your comment,
ReplyDeleteMaster has never done things for any other reason but His own and wouldn't give me a list of rules just because others have them. As He said the other day, and you have pointed out, everyone's needs are different. We have only one rule that He would like me to keep, and He sees the schedules different to an actual rule.
We discussed lists and schedules the other night, part of the problem is that Master has had problems with an illness a.t.m. and my meds have been all changed again, which has left both of us tired, i find that when i am tired i crave routine more and the security that this relationship gives me 99.8% of the time, but i can not ask Master to give more than He is able to. For a while it is like a vicious circle but normality will set in again..... Seven years of it working says so.
Maybe it is the switch that happens when He is well again, and i have to go back to being more .. submissive ... that i am worried about coping with.
hugs saffy
You don't come off as a whiny brat at all! I have enjoyed reading your blog and look forward to more entry's.
ReplyDeleteRelationships are hard work but I think having the d/s dynamic helps tremendously. It takes a lot if the guesswork and power struggles off the table and I find great comfort in that.
Me also...i somehow don't think that i could be in a vanilla relationship , it would be a little like having part of me removed... ( ok maybe not a little ... maybe a lot )
ReplyDeleteHave a good day
hugs
saffy