Friday, 12 July 2013

friday blues

i woke far to early today, as i forgot to shut the window in our bedroom and a flock of seagulls nosily interrupted my sleep. Fortunately Master seem to have slept through this,( though i am sure that He will tell me later if He wasn't asleep) and i have been able to have time on the pc and blog for a few uninterrupted minutes. Trouble is , as normal doubts about my ability to be good enough for Him creep in as the house sleeps on.
Sometimes i doubt my ability to be all that He needs and wants from His girl, and yet He is still here and loves me , with this love i notice though, that He sometimes allows me to get away with things that i wouldn't have done before.  When this happens i sit and wonder why, and it either swings one way or the other...
Maybe i will try extra hard , or maybe brat girl comes in and pushes boundaries even harder. Lately knowing that He is not well i have tried extra hard, but was somewhat slapped hard (mentally) by Him telling me i never did as  i was told during the shoe incident, and i wasn't 24/7. ( i should have done as i was told straight off... but there was not retribution other than a caustic tongue)
i must confess this has remained with me most of the night , ( and yes i guess i should be talking to Him about it {but i have not got to that stage yet} )
So today i have done my chores... before nine... and am now heading into our garden to take out my confusion on an overgrown honeysuckle and flower bed that i have noticed is being choked.
Have fun all in blogger land, i guess i am just in a low at waking to early and over analysing things.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

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