come fly with me.

 Full of anticipation i lay face down on the bed

Listening to Your voice 

Telling me to grip the bars above my head

a shiver runs down me 

And so, a pale bottom is about to turn red

Moaning , twisting, writhing and even laughing too

i crave pain more than ever

This spanking on my bottom has been way over due

my voice say no but my mind wants more

Each hit throbs and makes me realise how much i love You

At last mind is linked to Yours as you send me into subspace

my backside glows a rosey red 

There's contentment and happiness  written across my face

i love You Master 

Thankyou for caring for  me and sending to my special place. 

written for Master Kenzie after my warm up spanks with love from my heart mind body and soul on 28th January 2011

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

extreme

 Pleasure and pain i have been told by Master are two very closely knit things and there is not much of a gap in between the two things . The two parts of your brain that tells you whether something hurts of if something is pleasurable are side by side. It is why i think , when we are playing with extreme limits it is important to have a Master/play partner that knows you well and can judge when your body has had enough, and equally as important to have one that knows when He/She can push you just that little bit further to push you even higher when you start to fly . For me it is the difference between feeling satisfied and let down. i personally dont know my limits... i am extremely verbal when Master slaps, or spanks me no matter what He uses ... and i alternate between laughing , and moaning. It does not mean i want Him to stop... i just love the state i get to when the a slap or a whip with a crop(or anything else come to think of it ) produces a jerk of pain and nano seconds behind comes the tidal wave of pleasure, until you really dont know if you are meant to be laughing . crying , screaming , or moaning in pleasure. 
Very few men that i have met in my life ( not that there has been that many that i have played with) have been able to push me into the mind state of accepting, what to some people would be extremes of pleasure  and pain... there has to be the trust there before you can play , and in previous relationships it has just not been there whole heartedly.
Whether it is just because i know Master loves me, or whether it is a stronger coupling i dont know but the last few days because of the realisation of  what i have with Him , i have wanted to fly even deeper for Him and the bond between  Him and i seems so strong. It is like all barriers have been removed. i thought it was strong before but all of a sudden it seems like further blockages have been cleared out and i have entered another dimension in my submission to Him.
i want and need to find the limits that i think that i have and then have them pushed some more....i am liking exploring that side of me and giving my Master that depth to feel around in.
As i sit here i wonder what would be the most extreme thing that you would allow a person to do to you ? For me i cant answer that yet as i so have learnt not to put limits myslef but to trust where Master is leading me.
saffy



the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

hardcore

 The word that i  was given today was hardcore.......
 i presume that the word hardcore context that Master wished me to write about here would be extreme pornography and not the type of hardcore that is used to fill in driveways or concrete or music, but i could be wrong.
Which then leads me to think what does one classify as hard-core? Something that is extreme and full on to one person could be the norm to another. When i first met Master , the only thing that i was really sure about with my body was the fact that i like, (well no love would be a better word....)pain. For me however it has to be controlled by Him and i guess some of the things that we have practiced as Master and slave in the past would set the nillas and soft porn people into the realms of sending  saftey and sanity police out.......... but for us they are normal. Not for me the half hearted slap on a backside with a toy that would break before it could reach my threshhold that would send me flying .
i guess you could say somewhere along the way i have learnt to trust Masters judgement on what i want , and to accept the fact not to close  my mind to anything apart from the things He knows are on my no go list.
With his guidance i have found i love the feel of a cigar burnt on my labia, i already knew i loved wax play , and i adore the times He has taken sharp objects and carved His initals in my backside...and i crave the way He sends me flying with his touch , but to another person they might question whether i was sane or not as that would be hardcore and extreme to them.
i am in short His painslut i suppose, however i know that i wouldnt get the same longing and yearning for something like domestic violence as it isnt the same , all that we practice together is safe , sane and consensual and i am loving this voyage of opening up like a flower for my One in a controlled enviroment. i wouldnt call us hardcore , as for me it is the norm and i know just how much Master has got to know me to make sure that He keeps His girl in that place called subspace and that takes alot of skill.
Whatever label one wishes to place on a person i am happy to be me and to be loved and owned by my One and i thank Him from the bottom of my heart
saffy.

xx


the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

several touches of kindness

 Over the last few weeks, and before the old year ended, one or the other of our family has been ill with this flu bug that is doing the rounds in the UK. Trouble is (as i have said in previous blogs) every time you think you are better it comes back with avengence and it leaves one feeling worn out and drained.
Topped with this the haunting of my nightmare has continued.....(though Master has a theory that it is one of the antibiotics that i have had to take) and sleep is a precious commoditie that is rarer than a tree that grows twenty pound notes.Yesterday my warped and twisted brain reached an all time low, ( i am human i get cranky when i am tired) and i ended up wanting anything to take away from me the fact i felt yuck.
In reality i was in no fit state to play and Master knew that , plus the fact we had a young adult upstairs , His hands were tied to a certain extent and i wanted to have a melt down. However.,the so said meltdown was avoided as He decided to give me three whips with the dogs leash just to top my craving for pain up...one on each bottom cheek and one across the breasts....This acted as an instant pacifier and i snuggled in close to Him fat tears rolling down my cheeks.....(not because the leash had hurt but because of the relief of feeling Masters touch on me ) he whisperd in my ear that i was off to bed to sleep for an hour as i needed it. Panic sets in again as i really didnt want to face another set of those dreams again......but i didnt have to.....Yes i had to go lay down, but Master held me in His arms the whole hour whilst i slept and when the dream began to appear he woke me up and i was safe in my place with Him.
i would like to say the nightmare didnt return last night......but it did..however, this last night Master seemed to sense this and i felt His arm snake ound me everytime i woke.
i owe Him a big thankyou for His care , and His infinate knowledge that He puts to use on His care and love of me.i only hope that i can reflect back all that He gives me and grow continuoisly  from the lessons that He teaches. One last thing was that i discovered yet again that it was better to communicate than try to hide the problems as He would know they were there anyhow, so i might as well just open my mouth and speak.
love You Master with all i am all i ever was and all i ever shall be
saffy xx



the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

ginger fingers

i was cleaning out my baking cupboard this morning and i came across a jar of ginger spice. The smell of it instantly transported me back to playsessions where Master and i had used fresh ginger and i had a yearn for the fire that it produces. For me , ginger is a powerful aphrodisiac , it gets my senses going where ever i am , from the moment its pungent aroma hits my nostrils .
Something about it just makes me as horny as heck, and when you lay there bound and blindfolded and you suddenly smell the  little root as Master carves it to make a nice butt plug out of the finger or and/or a plug for the front as a slave you know you are in for a hot ride. (literally) To start off with it seems perfectly innocent as it is inserted in , but all to soon it heats up all the exposed tender parts that it touched and for me all i want to do, to put it bluntly is fuck. (please excuse the term there)
It is not just a one minute thing either because of course the more that the body gets all relaxed and heated the more the juice of the root gets mingled in with your own and so it spreads and burns .
Happy memories were mine as i cleaned the rest of the cupboard , i resisted the urge to see if ginger as spice has  the same result as root ginger ............cos if it had have dont i would have been in trouble .... and just wallowed in my memories of the past , hoping that maybe Master will add Ginger roots to our shopping list again.
saffy


the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

failed or did i ?

 How do you cope with failure?
If you had have asked me that a few years ago my answer would have been very different to the one that i have today. It would have gone something like "crumble" , probably burst into tears and revert back into myself. Failure those days was anything , from not phoning a family member up at the exact time that they expected me to every day (even if it was only a minute late) to not having the batter in a yorkshire pudding rise properly, to breaking something , and yes even to spilling things..... which happened frequently for me unfortunately because of my dyspraxia. Of course the more upset that i became when things went wrong the more the likelyhood of something else wrong happening became , and it became a big vicious circle that went round and round.
Why did i react like that ... probably due to one of my parents constant critiscim, i dont think that she realised what damage she did when she knocked me for every small thing that i did wrong and i honestly believed for years that i must be the most clumsy person on earth. It didnt help that at school i was left handed but the school i went to insisted that we all wrote with our right hands ..... so i was always chastised for this as well.
Living in several abusive relationships did nothing for my self esteem and of course it was always easier for me to blame myself and tell me that i deserved the way i was treated , and it must be my fault that i was getting  treated this way.
These days thankfully i know better..... though everyso often the past will come back and bite me on the bum.. and i am left with the little lost girl syndrome. See Master has taught me to laugh to a certain extent at the times i fall over or break something ( of course if i did it on purpose i dont think i would be laughing but i dont) Life is to short to cry when you spill things and make a mess...and well as long  as its put right where is the problem.
He has helped me no end when it comes to realising that i am a beautiful person and there is no way that it is my fault that i had to born by C section ( something that i really had been convinced of before) he has also helped me put several forms of abuse to sleep as well. Result is a healthier and happier girl who is learning to laugh and have a sense of humor again. ( slowly but surely) .
So was did i fail when i was younger.........No... the people around me who were meant to be there to look after me did more so in my eyes. Teaching a person with compassion and love gets better results that critisicim and shouting .  Why blog about this now? Well i wanted to say that the care and love that Master gives me, that has turned my life around is everybit as important as the play scenes and pain that He doles out. i am not a  doormat or a failure and i have Him to thank for His guidance and the knowledge that He constantly gives to illuminate me that i am not.
Thankyou Master
saffy
For me i guess it is essential part of the Man i gave my trust in , to care for me









the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Clay does not mold clay.

Clay does not mold clay.... Just five words but the , their meaning so true. How often have i been Master's clay and tried to mold myself or worse still , tried to direct his hands to making me the shape of what i thought i should be. i get great pleasure in submitting to Him but as my past posts show i have this little imp that rides on my shoulder that sometimes trys to get in the way of me being a good girl , and gets me in a whole heap of trouble.
As a slave to my One 24/7, i gave Him the right to fashion me into what He desired me to be , my training, as i was told the other day is not just about learning one thing and then moving on to another thing , It is constantly reviewed by Him and governend by what is going on around us. i crave routines and structure , if i look it is there, all i have to do is listen to Him and do as i am told. So why is this so hard at times.
Maybe the past and fear of getting hurt springs in there everyso often, but as time goes on i have realised He isnt going to knowingly hurt me. i probably do this far more to Him when i have a blip.
As for trying to mold myself into what i think that He wants me to be , i have to let go of that today and allow Him to shape me ..... the above knowledge shows me that i am safe. i know that He has only given me a small taste of what i can hold in my for Him in my submission to Him. and when the time is right i know he will add more. i have to try to see myself how He does.
Master, thankyou for Your patience with me , only now do i realise You are like trapper taming a wild creature. You do not shoot it and spoil what is there, but instead, You have left boundries , all be it subtle ones and with the gentleness that You show i have become willing to follow instead of run even in the deepest pores of my body. i crave for You to fill me with Your knowledge and shape me to the girl that You own, safe in the knowledge that You will smooth out my cracks and weakness's .

 saffy xx





the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

five things to take.

How safe do you feel tonight.... As i sat here with my music on and the keyboard infront of me , my mind was drifting to how safe  i felt that present moment in time. Saftey and feeling secure (as you might have gathered) are important feelings in my life, and i constantly surround myself with things that give me a feel good factor. i have a few things that are years old and are worth more than any amount of money that you could offer me , to me personally, but  the average person on the street probably wouldnt even give you a penny for them.
Thinking about it more, i get to thinking about my most treasured things that i have in my life ....( i am not of course including humans or our dog in this list , though they are the most valuable . )and wonder if i was told to take five things from our house that wernt human or animal what i would take.

1) This would have to be my necklace that Master brought me back from when He went on a visit to  one of His family some time ago.  For me it is priceless as He chose it for me and it was a totally unexpected gift. i particually like it as it has a heart shape to it and i imagine that it is like His heart. i wear it all the time and keep safe.
2) The next thing would have to be my bear ...reiki. It is tatty and getting rather thread bare in places but it has been my constant bed companion for more years than i would care to remember and if it could talk it would probably tell a few good tales of its own. It always gives good cuddles no matter when i want them.
3) this would have to be my blanket......it is like a giant hug and makes me feel secure when i wrap it about me.
4) Master's big green leather chair so He would have a place to sit if He was with me and if not i could curl up in it and feel His energy from it
5) Master's watch.........i always feel so safe when i wear this , i think it is because i assosiate the tick of it to His heart beat, as His hand was near my ear one of the first times i met Him and i had my head on His chest listening to His heart beating.
i guess some people might think that it is a weird list, i do have alot more of what i call my treasures than the above things, but these are my props i guess that i tend to draw strength from when Master is not about. They along with my writing and my music help me  focus on the good strong things that are about me and not dwell on the bad.




the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Nightmare on my street

Once again in the hours of darkness , i have found  myself unable to sleep and at loss a little at what to do. Thanks to Master i can at least have the choice whether to go on my pc, or ipod, instead of just sitting downstairs and watching mindless television programmes............but how i envy the sound of the rest of the house sleeping.
The reason for my wakefulness this time, another nightmare.......how i wish they would just go away and not comeback, but this last assortment are being stubborn and seem to like stalking me in the hours of sleep. Now i dont know if this batch is brought on by my latest tablets of antibodies that i am taking , or if it is truely that it is the nightare season for me , but i could do without being transported back to my mother's funeral and seeing what could only be decribed as a mini cine film of me getting up and reading the eulogy to the people in the church, only to see them turn into all the people that have ever been abusive in my life , and the coffin turns into five more with my children in three and my Master and father in the other.
Like a scene change i am transported back into my grandparents bathroom (incidently the five coffins follow and float macarbley on the bath.....funny how size of things is not relevent in dreams) and my grandfather is there infront of me again , abusing me with his special "family love" , then holding my head up so i can see my mother watching and the childrens biological dad abusing them on video monitors like they had in that police safe house.
It is at this point i manage to wake up, normally in tears ............safe with either my bear or Master by my side......Safe with the knowledge that it is just a dream. and i survived the reality, and yet that reality helped to make me the strong person that i am today and i am a survivor.............so why on earth is sleep so troubled at the moment.
Analystically my brain has sorted through the mesh of thoughts and ideas that hover there and pulled out these reasons...
1) was it the new meds and because i was ill
2)was it that the anniversay of my mothers death was approaching and subconciously i was not dealing with it again.
3)was it that a person in my life had poured out the fact that she had been envolved in a ring of people, that should never been allowed to live ( in my eyes) ,and although she had not abused anyone she had shared to many details with me about the police case and not tried to put a stop to it earlier.
4)or was it just a combination of all three ..........or none of the above.
What ever it was i wish that i could just change channels and drift back into the realms of dreams that do not bring the past back so visciously, but until this happens, i guess i will just have to remember on waking that they are just nightmares and the only harm those people can do to me now is with the power i allow them to draw from me.
So by blogging this i am hoping that i have truely put it to bed ( forgive the pun) and tonights sleep when it comes will be fruitful without any past death trying to steal away all that i love from me . i am resisting the urge to go poke Master and my son at home to see if they are awake and instead i am going to lose myself in a game until it is time for the real world to wake.
saffy



the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

over easy or hard.... climbing on my soapbox !!!!

A remark that i read , made me sit and think all today, about why a person should think that one role in life was easier than another. i must admit i have  pondered whether to blog about it or not , ( because i have a sneaky idea that someOne was needling me to get a reaction and see what i would say.)
Well here goes nothing ...............
When i am writing about this i am not just including play scenes, i am talking about M/s 24/7 . however i do realise that the same could be said of just play scenes as well .
As Master very well knows, i think that both Master and slave are equal, but just in different areas and for every strength that a Master has i think that a slave has an opposite strength that should compliment the Master. Each balancing the other out. i do not think that to be a submisive or slave is weak.. It takes alot to submit to anothers will, especially when it is not within the boundries that the slave would normally so something.
Both endorse each other, and the act of Domination and submission can in my mind, be likened to a dance.
Yes i can see  to care for a submissive/slave , and look after their well being can be hard work.... especially when You have a girl that likes stimulation of her brain as well as her body , and enjoys order and routine,  however this should be equalled out to the very act of giving her will to her Master and allowing Him to shape her in any way that He wants to. (both of them in my mind not an easy thing to do.) By typing this i am not belittling anything that Master actually does for me , just as i know He would not knock what i do for Him, but i am saying that both sides of the relationship should balance. (or how would we get the pleasure that we do from it)
i know it has not been easy for Master the past few years to iron out the many bad habits that i have picked up along the path of life that i have lived, i know that there are many more to be flatterned out as well. Just as i realise this though i also realise the wonder of how much i have grown the past few years, and how rewarding that must be for Him.  This journey that W/we are both  on has not been easy because life never is and nilla issues get tangled in with the life W/we chose to live as well.
That all having been said on my little soap box i will end this blog entry by saying, i dont regret my severvitude nor do i think that i ever will, because it is in a way, one of the most empowering things  that i could ever do , and i will climb down now before i get poked off.
saffy
xx






the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

a meal ...........

Last night i had a very humbling experience that made me feel very owned and wanted . Master had taken my son and i out to dinner and we had  arrived home , tired , and full of our meal. As we lay in bed He took His ownership of me, and marked me in serveral places hard with His nails, as He made me cum, (well it was good exercise after all that dinner) over and over again just by using His nails, digging them into me hard and deep until at one point i grabbed a quilt end and stuffed it in my mouth to stop my moans of pleasure and pain. i have to admit to being a pain slut and loving this type of treatment , and for me it was  a perfect ending to a beautiful night. However afterwards, when we were talking and cuddling,  Master decided that instead of my normal bowl of porrige or cereal that i have, i was only to have dried bread and water for my  morning meal.
I was quite shocked, and at first i thought that He was joking , but He assured me that i had heard Him right and that was what i was having for my meal . ( i guess i am a spoilt girl to be allowed so much variety in my meals that He decides me )
On waking in the morning my heart lurched , as i realised that even though there was noone else up i still had to eat what He had told me, and so i did.........You know what, it wasnt as bad as i thought , though i felt hungry still afterwards, and would given anything for a dollop of honey or jam on  it to make it feel better, but i realised something else as i sat there... He was giving me the control i always crave even though He wasnt up and it felt good. At that precise moment in time i would have eaten dry bread and water ( maybe not liked it) but eaten it for every meal that He wanted me to as i realied the lesson behind my meal.
He is my boss simple as ... what He says goes.....and He doesnt have to be beside me to control me. I need that control or i will push and pull every way to try and do things my own way. ( and that as i know is not always the best way. )
Hugs anyhow thankyou Master for my breakfast
i love You with all i was all i am and all i ever shall be
saffy
xx



the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Silk Stockings

Master's words for today were silk stockings.......i loathe stockings of any kind, as for me, they remind me so much of part of the past that i would have really rather put in  a little box and lock it  away. However i guess i should just carry on and blog about them , cos the sooner i write my feelings on them the sooner i can put them to bed again as so to speak.
i realise for some men , and maybe females they can be quite sensual as part of a uniform or dressing up and for a female they are probably alot better value than a pair of tights, i know that they can give good sensations to people when wearing them or being touched in a sexual way , and i have to admit they can look erotic when worn with some other nice under clothes and a decent pair of heals ......
They can be verstile also,  used to tie a person, gag them , restrict their movement ,and even blindfold them. Like knickers i believe their is a place that a stocking sniffer (for want of  a better description )can buy used ones from and have their pleasure from them. but for me they  make my blood go cold.
It's not as if i dont like to be girly, for if Master wished i guess i would wear them for Him , but the experience that i had with them left me quite phobic, even with tights to a degree, and without realising it when He has used a pair to blindfold me i have subconsiously managed to wriggle them off.
The problem started for me when an ex who liked me to wear them and silk knickers , decided to use them as a gag and to tie up my wrists with them as well. Fine in normal circumstances but i was not feeling well and they created  a massive asthma attack for me . Not so fine .. He eventually realised that i was not messing about and then had trouble to undo the binds of my wrists as he had pulled them tight, this caused further panic for me.  His answer was , i was told well i should have my asthma under control. (Sometimes even the best medicated illness has blips) and i was really shaken .  i didnt trust that person to play with me after this and took back a big chunk of my trust , but at the same time blamed myself for have an asthma attack.
Its taken a long time to get back into the habit of wearing any type of hoisery on my body ( i still prefer socks or nothing ) and i would have preferred a different word, but maybe the time was right to put this one away and face it .
 hugs thankyou Master
saffy
xx


the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

thumbscrews

What  is there to say about these things.....
These were used in medievil torture, on people, when others wanted to get imformation from them. They worked by placing the thumbs into a vice like device like the one above , then the handle would slowly be turned and pressure was put onto the thumbs squashing them.  Sometimes there was sharp pointy bits in them that punctured the nail beds, adding to the painful experience.
These could be adapted and used on other parts of the body as well ........ie the toes , nipples, penis or labia . I should imagine that it would be very painful on the thumbs as it is the only place that i have ever felt pain when having my tattoos done ( due to the many nerve endings that we have there . )
 i think that it would not be a nice thing to have done , and i guess that i value my hands to much to crave Master trying them on me ......however i can see where they would appeal to His sadistic side.

 saffy

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

unpeeling an onion

 Today as i was reading a selection of blogs that i tune into (if thats the right words) on a regular basis , one in particular got under my skin... not in a bad way, if you can understand this but in a totally good way because it made me look at the past and opened my eyes a little to what had not been there.
In the past i had been in other M/s relationships and at first i had given myself wholey to a person calling themselves Master, trusting in their care and their ways that i would be looked after and i wouldnt be used, and broken.....but nobody is perfect (least of all the men i seemed to have attracted) and as You know i attracted some pretty rough people in my life.
Each of the relationships i gave trust in but i guess i took it back  bit by bit as things went pear shaped....i wanted and craved love, however alot of the men i came into contact with wanted to have a puppet....a door mat and although i prided myself in my submission i also look to see it as a balance. (for some reason none of the others really balanced)
The easiest way to describe what i am trying to would to be to take myself to my Master that i have now .   i would like to say i submitted to Him straight away 100 percent, but,  i have to say i know i didnt. yes i listened to Him but i was scared to let go of the edge of the cliff as such and fly for Him....i was scared of getting hurt and giving Him myself totallay....not that there was much of me left to give for i had destroyed alot of me along the way. He however is a patient Man , and for some reason didnt give up on me even when i gave up on myself. and certain things and ways we do things. He has to be the most patient Man i have ever met when it comes to explaining things .......and finding the correct way for my brain to process things. yet He is no push over and will not let me get away with being a bratty bratt and pushing either. (yup i tested there as well (sorry)).
So what makes Him different to the Masters/men that i  have known before........Simple though it took me long enough to realise it .......He loves me , and therefore i am safe to give myself .......all of myself to Him 100 percent . yes i know at times He will mess up....but He is man enough to say that He has done it when this has happened and not sit on an egotistical pedastal waiting to fall off , because eventually i would realise that He wasnt the God i thought He was. (you do not know how much more special this makes Him in my eyes. )
it has taken a while as i said to get to this stage ..........and i know there will be other spanners from the past that get thrown into the path that we choose to walk on , but if i trust and hold His hand , or follow Him we can get past them all.
The blog that i read  which inspired me to write this all said about the role of love................to quote the last lines.....................
"He could not shape me without love. And I could never have shaped those I dommed without it; what business would I have had in their deepest selves if I did not wish to understand?"
i do not domme anyone, (apart from maybe a husky) but finally a missing puzzle bit fits in and i understand why the other relationships didnt work , because the love was not there, and onesided it would never balance........
How can you care for something totally if you do not love it . You will never have its best interests at heart.......thankyou stolen for opening my eyes , and thankyou Master for loving me.
saffy







the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

cling film

 cling film

What a versitile thing this can be. i have often read about peole using it for mumification and bondage , but have yet to use it in any play sessions that i have taken part in. It is said that it can be dangerous ( obviously ) because of the extreme heat changes that can occur , and also the risk if using it for mumification of suffication. There is some suggestions on there of people being wrapped in it from chest to toe and then bound over with duct tape, as well as ideas of it being usd to have different sensations on the body and of using as chasitity devices.
The idea of playing with cling film facinates me a bit but there is as i said before an element of doubt there as i would worry about suffication. However i do wonder what it would be ike say standing under a shower or sitting in water.............i guess maybe one day it is an avenue to look at .....but in the mean time it is a cheap way of fastening ones slave and making them immobile.
saffy

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Cupping sets

For  a long time i have had a facination of the vacuum cupping sets that are used in play and in alternative medicines. The alternative medicine side of it , probably comes, because of  being allowed in the past to learn to administer reiki and attune  people , and the knowledge that cures and help can come from other things other than chemicals . There is a chinese holistic shop that has opened up in  a town near us and i would dearly love to learn more about the accupressure and fire/vacuum cupping that they do there... but for now i think i have other things that i need to learn before i ask if i can follow that route.
However i do think there is something very primative in a way to see cups used in play and the watch the skin having a cup firmly fixed to it. It is something that i am hoping play wise Master will want to try in the future , and if we do get  a set that we can learn abit about the medicinal side of it with a book also. It would be facinating to try this out on different parts of the body and see which one feels best and also to try it on my breasts that  very often decide to lactate on their own..........and see what happens.
There seem to be no obvious harms that can come from using these but i guess only time will tell ..... If we do get  a set i will be sure to blog about the results.
saffy




the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

thankyou

i must admit i have the indoors blues at the moment , i have been battling with my asthma and this stupid cold for what seems like weeks now, and everytime i think that i have got it licked, another wave of wheeziness cuts in and i am left feeling weaker than a baby. Internally i beat myself up about not being able to finish my household jobs and keep to a routine. i hear family members indirectly asking for help and know that i am not able to give them it at the moment , and my every move is watched by a husky and a young adult. This has left me at the bottom of the ladder so to speak and all the time chastising myself because i want to be super slave and look after everyone else about me.
Master as normal has been monitoring the situation and must have realised just how low i felt.......because yesterday He decided to take me on a mystery car tour and we ended up in a town near the sea where He treated me to a lovely lunch of fresh cooked cod and chips. You have no idea how lovely it was just to get away from the four walls of our house and sit and eat a food that is a luxary to me as i am meant to be watching my weight.
After we had both finished , he took me up the high street and i was allowed a new book....(It's beautiful , silk covered and a dragonfly embroided on the front ... ) to write my routines and stuff in . This time i cant see it getting lost that easily as it is big enough to see and best of all the magpie that normally collects paper to scribble on will not want it as it is "pink" . i also managed to buy Him a new filofax... something that probably wasnt essential but was a thing that He liked.
By this time i was exhausted and so i was taken back to home , but i felt strangley at peace with the house, and ready to admit until i got completely better life would just have to wait for me.
Thankyou Master for giving me so much time and love yesterday, i am blessed and well cared for to have You in my life.
saffy





the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Worms

Master's choice of word today, and normally i like worms (they do alot of good in the garden and there is something quite fascinating about watching them squirl about when you are gardening and come across a few ........However just lately He has had this idea of having me eat one .
my insides churn at the idea , even though i know that they are nothing but protien and are not poisonous, there is still something not quite nice about the thought of having that squirmy thing in your mouth and being told to swallow,or even worse chew it.
Idley i sort of wonder if this is being tied into His bird theme, and wanting something to feed the bird that He wants to lay Him eggs........and then think that He could do a massive hunting scenario of going hunting for His bird with His paintball gun (set to stun of course ) catch and cage that bird then feed it worms until it lays His egg .............. Of course once again my imagination is getting carried away with me.
Far more likely is the fact is that He would use the worms to crawl over the body for different sensations then  make me eat them.
Master i got  to say though seriously i dont fancy worms , unless they are made of sweets or chocolate and would please prefer that they were kept out of out lifestyle PLEASE.
thankyou
saffy


the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Curled in a ball tight in my shell,

Safe out of harms way,

Your voice i hear, trying to coaxing me out,

And urging my blues away.

But its warm in here, and i am safe,

Here in my little cacoon of calm,

Come to me, I'll teach you to fly,

And never let you come to any harm,

Unsucessfully, i tried to block ,

Those persuasive words i heard You speak,

Then from the chrysalis i started to emerge ,

And sat before you, my body and mind now meak.

Gently You waited for my wings to unfurl ,

And my true colours to show ,

Until at last i was ready to start to fly,

And truely begin to grow.

Thankyou Master for helping  out ,

and waking my submission from it's sleep,

i want to show the world the colourful me ,

And i'm proud i am the one You decided to keep.

Written for Master Kenzie January 8th 2011 with love and respect  by saffy 

his original moth lady :-)

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Yuck

 Yuck
i think my body has gone into hibernation mode or something. My head feels a little like it has been stuffed with cotton wool and i had a massive asthma attack last night. Nw all i want to do is stop my ribs from aching and curl up to make the pain go away.
i feel sorry for my family about me , as i lose my voice, i find i dont want to speak, and i wonder in my head idley if they would mind if i wrote messages to them on a white board or something. The instinct has kicked in to survive, and luckily Master seems to have realised this and isnt that angry "yet" with me. He realises i now have what they had over christmas , only the asthma has been set of with vengance with it and this morning the peak flow dipped below 150.......not good since it is normally over 400. This isnt because i didnt have my mouldy old flu injection, though goodness knows how i would feel if i hadnt have done.
All i can say is thank goodness for family, for caring and putting up with the blob i feel i have become this past couple of days....sorry folk normality will be restored as soon as i fight this latest batch of germy virus away. and in the mean time thankyou for caring for me ......i do love You.
saffy




the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

deep vibrations

 The journal's word today is about vibrators.....i dont really know much what to write about them apart from they are a sex toy that gives the user pleasure in the erogenous zones. or they can be used to massage muscles and joints..... When i had my first vibrator it was given a name and was well used...in those days they used to be a standard flesh tone and didnt have such fillings like pearl balls or gelli. i wasnt that keen on using it myself as i wasnt that sure ( apart from the obvious) what had or could be done with them.
Since that time my knowledge i glad to say has grown a little bit (however i am still more use to Master guiding me than exploring with the object than i am with winging it alone.
Progress now gives us toys that are made from all sorts of material ,  they have different textures and sizes.and shapes some are like animals, some that light up, some twist and turn , some even ejaculate, to say nothing of the designs that inflate and fit snuggley inside.......One sort obviously does fit all now. i am the proud user of three of the little beauties....one that is a c shape, one is like an elongated sperm with a straight tale .....and one that is probably better classified as a dildo.
At one point we did try to do a clone of Masters manhood........however the mood was set , the time was right and the plaster was begining to be mixed.....and then the phone rang . Phone calls and plaster of paris do not mix well together and the plaster set in the mixing bowl, needless to say i didnt get my clone of Master , but i havent given up hope of having a toy shaped of Him and have relearnt the lesson not to answer the phone or door if we are busy.
Having said all of this i think that my favourite toy would have to be Master's hand , well if thats included as  a toy lol , for He has the ability to touch , scratch , pinch , pull, and stimulate all on the end of His arm. i never know what is going to happen when He starts with His hand and over the past few years it has carried me to hieghts that were not obtainable before. Unlike myself when i have been allowed to play with myself with either toys or my own hands He always seems to make sure that i go that extra level of pleasure and where i would stop He keeps me going. The pleasure sometimes becomes pain, but i want what He provides badly even so , and my legs seem to be able to do the splits for Him. to allow Him access to my deepest sexual zone.
In the past i have worn out vibrators wanting and needing the same pleasure that He provides , i have ended up being told to use my old ones as gags, because i was being so noisy and i have been told to practise stimulation for a Master on them, and although they are enioyable i guess i will always prefer my Master's touch.
Butt plugs a re not quite the same catorgory , and i must admit i miss my plug while i doing gardening or cleaning , it used to be a constant reminder of Master while i was busy doing my chores.....but i lnow i have to now wait for this treat until we have found the right size one that Master approves of.
saffy





the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

candles

 I love candles... there is something quite hypnotic about them, with the flames flickering when lit, and the many different varieties you can get these days leaves us all quite spoilt for choice. To me they also represent the elements as well ,and i always feel quite drawn to them like a moth is to a flame. I guess they hold good memories  as well , for as a child there was always a wish granted by blowing out the candle, then we used to have our yule candle as well which was symbolic to winter holdiays and the magic of giving and sharing.
There is a pretty special time that sticks out in my memory, of the first time that my present Master used candles on me. It was the time when Master had a dark chocolate brown candle and poured the wax over my front , so it trickled down my vagina crack and down the creases at the side of my legs. Now i dont know if it was because before then he had been massaging me there or i was having a totally good flying trip with Him ( most playtimes are with Him though) but i know i flew from a scale of being six out of ten on the flying without wings scale...........straight to ten out of ten. It was a mind blowing experience and i was truely putty in His hands. (mind you i normally am in anycase )i dont know if i had this reaction with Him because of the suprise element that was involved ,or if it was just because of the deep level of trust that we built up and continue to do , but it was really something that i will never forget as long as i live.
It wasnt the first time a Master has used candles on me , i have had them placed in my anus or vagina before and been a candle holder , i have had wax sprinkled all over my body, poured over it and even painted and daubed on with fingers. One Master liked to build up layers of it on my nipples, and breasts making a splattery path to my woman hood.......so it shouldnt have been such a mind blowing event , and yet it was.
Candles make pretty good toys to use when  heating up the skin and being brushed lightly across it in fire play but i must admit i still panic slightly if i know Master is going to try this on me ....but i have a feeling He is a bit sadistic and likes the wind up that goes with use of the candle in this way. Really my brain should tell me that we are quite safe as He has wet clothes there and always makes sure there is nothing that could catch fire about, but i think it is phycological and He enjoys seeing me squirm.
So i end this by saying i am now guilty when ever we pass a candle in the store or a fete , by allowing my mind to go back and revisit memories of that chocolate candle and wondering whether it would have the same reaction on my body as that one did before.
saffy

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

was it just a random phrase.

Well , we are  a few days into the new year and i have been desperately trying to find my routine book..... yes once again in amongst the decorating and moving about the rooms, plus the holidays i have managed to misplace it again. i wouldn't mind so much but the holidays have been a little hard for me to deal with ( as usual ) because they force me away from the safe haven of my familiar way of doing things and jumble everything up.  Yes i guess i could buy another book and write it all down again, but i dont really want to do this.... besides i always set myself such unrealistic goals, and i was hoping that i would get some more boundries added in there .
It's  been double hard knowing Master and the boys have both had flu type cold bugs/viruses and  they have been quite poorly over the holidays as well... i know how they feel , not because i have their virus (thankyou Master for making sure i have vitamins and my flu shot up to date) but because my asthma is being a pain still and the cold weather keeps making the leg ache.
Its left me feeling tired and low alot of the time, because i want to make things right for them all, but at the same time i feel a bit like a headless chicken dashing about and trying to keep things straight. The dog senses that the family are not well and takes great delight in pinching the laundry and any other personal things she can ferret in her bed. She has become quite the expert in  rooting about so she can bury her latest treasure.
Todays stash included the champagne cork from our new year bottle of champagne........chewed up of course, one of my hair grips with a material bow on it, a pair of Master's pants and a random sock.... and blow me down if she doesnt make me feel guilty when i remove them. ( i still havent worked out how she managed to get the cork from the top of the fridge (as that is taller than me) yet)
Feeling really tired yesterday  i woke up when son number one came thundering upstairs on his way to bed and realised that i needed pain killers for my knee..... went downstairs and found Master watching Match of the day. Needless to say i took advantage of the situation and managed to watch all the programme with Him. ....( i quite enjoy this time with Him as i know how much He loves football and it has made me more determined to learn a bit about it) When we went to bed a little later He happened to say something that put my whole mind back into a safe zone that it had been missing since the loss of my book and the holiday season starting .........i dont know if He had realised just how much i had been missing my routine and book etc......or if he said what He did by chance but i do know those words emphasised my slave like love of being owned and i am glad i have Him as a Master because the right words always come out at the right time.
Thankyou Master i love You with all i am, all i was and all i ever will be....
saffy x

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

 Chastise:
Two meanings came up when i looked at dictionary.com
One:- Chastise = to critisize severely
Ouch, that would not do anything for me.... WHY ?...because i know that i am no good at taking criticism....I dont get angry i revert back into myself. There is meant to be something called constructive criticism , but ,because i have in the past been nearly broken by people, chastising me in this way i am like a snail and hide away from it. There are nicer ways that you can explain to a person that they are doing something wrong , than trying to destroy them.
Two:- chastise= to discipline esp by corporal punnishment
Well as much as i dislike the first meaning i find myself liking the second.............see i like discipline it makes me feel safe and secure....lol i know that sounds really silly... but if you look at it this way , discipline is not the same as punishment.
I think i see both as a tool that can be used in my type of lifestyle, but to be punished ,would mean that i had deliberately broken a rule or an order  from my One. To be chastised whether  it is by flogging or spanking or by some other means  is to be given direction, and a reminder that is the direction that should be followed.
Punishment isnt something that i would ever want or yearn for from my One as it would mean that i had hurt Him, where as i do like to be kept to routine , and i also like the knowledge that he can and will correct me if i get things wrong.
i do not consider either of them play/scene things ,probably because when being taught something in the past (ie to get ready when i am told and not wait till i think the time is right ,even if the Master at that time, was not about) it was used to such good effect. )  They both are as i said valuable teaching tools.....and  when i have been chastised in the past i think that i learnt that lesson the best .....i certainly have never forgotten it .

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .