saffy's travels

 What a night,
i thought, mistakenly as it turns out , that son number two had made arrangements to go out yesterday, but it turns out for reasons unknown to me he changed his mind, and so.................NO playtime for Master and i. This did not put either of us in the best frame of minds , though i guess Master coped with it alot better than i did , because inside i beat myself up thinking that i should have waited until i heard the arrangements for son number two going out from him before i mentioned anything to Master.........
It is hard for both of U/us at the moment to get any quality playtime, as our middle son has disabilities and does not socialise that much, sometimes i just want to tell  him that it is part of my normal life but as i am so noisy in my enjoyment, that i think that it would scare him, besides its not something that parents want to share with their offspring.
i also saw on Master's blog that He had been looking on  a favourite D/s toy shop of mine that sells good quality, well made toys.

i can still remember the first time that the toy, called the Masters kiss was delivered to our home. On opening the package i was a bit dubious at the thought that something made of hemp would deliver any type of pain what so ever ( i was strictly a suede and leather girl before then), but must admit to liking the wooden handle lots and the way the separate strands fell with the tiny tassels on the end

It proved to be deceptive in more ways than  one , and let me tell you those little bits of string have opened the skin on my butt on more than one occasion when they have been used in an intense session. Never again well i say "well that doesn't look as if it will hurt very much to a Master, specially one with a sadistic streak"
i know that Master is on the look out for a special cane at the moment , so maybe i am to try and overcome my phobia of them , and learn to love the painful pleasure that i am told that they give out instead of looking at them as an implement of punishment .  It's amazing how far Master has taken me along the path of our lifestyle that we lead, because at one point in my life i would have been having a bigger wobble than a jelly on a roller coaster at the thought of that, and now i only want it to happen so i can tell if i will like it or not, and please Him as well. i have learnt so much about reaching out and holding His hand when i am not sure about a situation and not just blanking it all together.
As the evening continued i must admit my stupid head got to blaming myself on more than one thought pattern for not being able to have the play session and i saw negative thought patterns start to creep in , i wont even give them page room here , but  , they vanished the moment Master came to bed and held me close to His body so i  could feel cherished and loved skin to skin.
i wanted to stay like that for the rest of the night, but sadly my body had its own ideas and chucked me deep into the land of nightmare, the one where MK walks out of the door and is killed. :-(  Followed by the trip to the hospital to identify the body and seeing the names of the rest of the family on the doors as well, At that point my body woke and i had a mini asthma attack, so removed myself to the other room and lay thinking about yesterdays events in my mind.
Play is such a small part of the relationship that Master and i share, but it gives us both  alot as well, fortunately both of us are old enough to wait till the time is right and not fumble and rush a session. On the best positive note of this day.......... its a new month i didn't get 20 chalk marks on my board so it has been wiped clean in readiness to the even less than 17 than i am going to get this month.
(though it has been pointed out to me March is a longer month than February) but i am sure going to try not to overstep the 20 mark .
hugs and light
and sorry for a rambled post
saffy


the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .