Sunday, 6 March 2011
i have to say i enjoyed the experience , but there was the shadow that was He (MK) was not there, and so begins the battle of my brain again. Master has not said anything negative about this, but i know it has hurt Him as he has not been back on His mage since.Yet as i am part of that guild (this is like a game family online) i ask if i was just in staying online and doing the raid with them , rather than leaving . He (MK) wants me to enjoy the game..........i joined so i could have a similar interest to Him with the game , and now this has happened it has left me rather low.
So Master ,
i love You , and i like the privilege that You allow me to play , even though You did not have a spot this time. i have sat there and worried about the fact that You were not given a place and i was, and it doesn't mean that i care for them more than You ( not that You will have thought this , but my brain did a what if and wondered if it might have entered the equation) i want to be the best at that game as i can , and people have helped me on there alot.
The other thing was when You came to bed tonight You asked me if there was a problem as i had done a few things without question and without being asked of late, and also i had taken myself off for a nap in the middle of the day for a few hours. Well the answer is No there is no problem, apart from my mind is still dealing with *d*'s news, and trying to sift out the truth and fiction from it, and i have worries about Dad, who i see having a few more health issues that i would like with His treatment.
These are things i can not change and i know , one way or another that my mind will sort them or their natural conclusion will set in and right itself that way.
The things i have done without being asked of late are because i am trying to better myself and want You to be proud of me, and sometimes it is nice to do bits when people least expect them. As for the sleep business , my chest was hurting as were my legs due to the cold weather and longer exercise, plus the poor sleep that i had the night before, and i decided to nap and see if i felt better later on. i didn't ask as i didn't want it to become an order and perhaps then worry that i couldn't get to sleep.( on hindsight i guess i should have told You that was what i was doing. )
i love You always
the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .