use your imagination

 Today , about lunch time i spent a good ten minutes looking at a small patch of out back garden that is not normally touched and is a bit of a dumping ground. There are roots of trees , and various items of household debris that should never have been put there , but they came for the most part with the house and makes a little area look like a local dump more than a place to sit in peace and meditate.
But sitting there among the rubbish and the overgrown brambles my mind went on a trip and i cold visualise it all cleared and looking good. Its going to take alot of hard work, but i reckon that it will be worth it for the sun trap that it has there was beautiful and the added bonus is that it has a tree growing there as well. My son eventually came up the garden to see what i was up to, and doesn't seem to think that it will be possible to clear a space there, but he obviously couldn't see the way it would be when it was done.
i wonder if Master saw this in me when he chose to be my other half that completed the circle and made each of us whole. He has taught me so much, but how many would walk on by when they saw the task of retraining a girl who had had to be a strong leader for her family to survive all that we did to get this far. How many people would have the patience to have faith in her as she had mini battles to overcome insecurities and obstacles that were about, and her past kept chucking forward into her future.
Well i can tell you He...( my Master) is well on His way to rebuilding and moulding me His girl. So much so that i even find myself dealing with the blips that are thrown my way and not crumbling at them. i know that my Dad is ill with cancer , but because of his stubbornness he will not speak about it . Master and i take dad to his chemo every week , and i see dad tired, and a tender side of my One as He hugs Him and cares for us all. Giving me the strength to carry on and laugh as i see my dad and my Master laugh and tease each other even though for all of us, the outcome of his treatment is not known. i draw on an inner strength and gratefulness that we B/both were allowed to share this part of my father's journey and get to know him a little better ,and have a strange comfort in the knowledge that dad at least can see that my One will look out for his little girl and keep all the family safe when dad is not there anymore.
When we were taking father back to his house yesterday i had the strangest desire to smuggle a crop or cane in the back of the car and beg Master to pull over in one of the dark fields on the way home and ask Master to cane my bum with it. i had a vison of the scene played in my mind of getting some fairly sharp whacks across the legs and buttocks bent over the car. Of course this wont happen as it is probably to risky, but it didn't stop my brain conjuring up images of it. 
Master has also been giving me little mini tasks and jobs recently , keeping up His level of strictness that i love so much, and indeed need for that strictness keeps me feeling safe and secure and stops me from dwelling on things.
The last week he set me an email to write about things that i would like to try in play, and being abit of a pain slut my head went into overdrive, thinking of all the scenarios, and things that i would like to do, or try. Yet i found it focusing on the desire to learn to love the canes that we have and perhaps add to the collection. i have only ever had the cane used negatively on my body in the past and i don't know if Master will be able to pass this limit of the barrier that i have placed up, but i realise that it is not my place anymore to keep it there. He enjoys using them and i just hope that i can pass the blockage that is there. Maybe i have already started to remove it by starting to desire them.
All i know is that i love this Man with all i am , all i was and all i ever shall be , not just because of the play we have , not just because of the care He gives me , and not just because of the love and care that He gives my family, but because of a mixture of all of these and a few other bits.
thank you Master for not letting me remain a derelict wreck like that bit of garden , but instead nurturing me back into a proper functional slave girl that can now give you her love and trust freely and without fear.
saffy



the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .