Tuesday, 30 November 2010
When i was a child , i can remember falling over as a child and my Nan scooping me up and kissing me better .... It gave me a sort of warm glow, and although i guess i didnt much like the gash the fall left behind on my knee ( i cant really remember that bit now) i did like the hug i got from my Nan and the rush of what i now know were endorphins that followed. Over the years, whilst growing up i found myself self harming when i was put in a situation that i couldnt cope with, ( and there were a few), to get that feel good factor back . Nowdays i dont self harm ( i gave this up a long time ago with a promise to my Man that i would never do it again, as it is dangerous because i can NOT control the addiction to the buzz that follows after i have cut or burnt myself ) Nor do i have the same abusive people in my life as i did whilst i was younger, so i have no need for the release that it gave me in that context .... though it is not to say i would not ask Master for a spank or soemthing if i wasnt coping with what life throws at me , but i know He would help me to see other ways to deal with it and then reward me with play if i dealt with it, afterwards.
Pain can come in all shapes and forms ....physical, emotional, or mental. It can depend on how a person is feeling at the time, whether they are well or not, or indeed if we are talking play pain, if a person has been warmed up properly or not, if a person will get pleasure from it.
Personally i like pain in play, and i can think of nothing better than having my backside spanked or indeed my breasts or vagina , i like the buzz from the endorphins that are released at these times , i love the high that i get from the odd hot teaspoon when Master makes a coffee, or the pinch just to let me know he is thinking of me as we sit and watch a movie on the television together. He knows what buttons to push and when He commands something, such as to bend over a work unit, and i get a suprise spanking from a frying pan or another kitchen utensil it brightens up my day.
Dont get me wrong i hate the pain my athritis gives me in my knee and hands ......... There has been many a time that i have been in tears over it. i find it hard to block it out, but i am learning to live with it. and work with what i have. i thank my lucky stars that i have a good medical team that are helping me with therapy and exercise to keep what mobility that i have.
I think the reason that i love and accept the pain that Master allows me is because it is controlled by Him and i know that the endorphins that are released will quickly follow the rush of the bite that is first there. i am safe in the knowledge , that no matter what we play, He will never damage me permanently in anything that we do. I feel relaxed in His presence, and most of all i trust Him.( because of the edge play that we practice trust has to be there or neither of us would get anything from it. )It gives my whole mind and body a release that makes me feel free.
There are also things that i can associate with punishment, that i have a hard time accepting can be pleasurable because of negative ways that they have been used on me in the past. The mind is very powerful but if you step over the block that it puts up, the rewards can be tenfold. In our relationship i am willing to bow to Masters superior knowledge of my limits, and allow Him to guide me forward and help me overcome the barriers that my mind makes.( this has not always been the case, but over time, experience of different things has taught me to do so.)
I love a cuddle and kisses from my Man just as much as the next person but i also like a little extra in the pain that He is so generous to give to me ... It is much the same i would imagine as bowl of icecream.......some people like just icecream.... while others like sprinkles , cream , fruit, nuts or all the above on theirs......i like all the above. ( i am greedy) He doles it out to me and i lap it up.