So tired this morning, and i guess i only have myself to blame. i went to bed early enough , before pumpkin hour, ( and it is the weekend so the ten O' clock curfew was not in place, only to be woken up in the middle of the night ( well 3 am ) with a rough dream and a need for the loo. my mouth felt as if it was sandpaper, which i put it down to the blue cheese and curry (not together) that i had yesterday, plus the piece of toffee that i ate. )
After my journey downstairs i snuck back to bed and Master had different ideas about me going back to sleep , and instead started off some play time with keeping into position for me. i never knew how hard it is to keep still , when someone is pushing all the buttons to make you squirm and how hard i would find it physically and mentally, and after an hour He finally decided that i could go back to sleep...........
Sleep came easily so did rolling over when getting up time should have been and having an extra half an hour in bed....... ( it is Sunday) , And so i get on to the second part of why i feel tired, , FAMILY !
i thought that one day my father would accept my husband, but to coin a phrase from the past, hell would have to freeze over first. he ( my father seems to do his best to wind me up, and hurt me every time i speak to him, and yet again i ended up in tears because he decided to call my son and my husband lazy, and then proceeded to pretend that he could not hear me when i was talking to him... i knew he could because i gave the phone to my son and he could hear him and talk to him just fine. In other words my dad , the one that i use to call my hero had decided to play games with me again. If it was anyone else i would not put myself through this hurt and so it makes me wonder just why i am.
So i feel stressed and down and that in itself makes me tired...and i only have myself to blame.
i want to ask Master for maintenance to drive my pain away but i know that would only be the wrong reason and not a good idea, so i must work through it and turn around a bad few minutes into good ones.
i refuse to get hurt by a man who i should love, but am close to losing every stitch of self respect that i have for him, and i refuse to allow it to damage Master and my marriage... not anymore. Time will tell if i allow him to continue to hurt me or if i take the option that was offered by Master to just not allow him near me or to speak to me any more.
Have a wonderful Sunday all
i am now going to
hugs
saffy
the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .
a journal of my Master and i's jouney in the world of TPE and D/s .
hugs to you saffy. I am so sorry that your father does this to you. I often wonder how parents fail to realize how they damage the relationship with their adult children by being so negative.
ReplyDeleteI think the hardest thing is , the fact that he was always my hero growing up, and the little girl in me wanted the safe warm feeling back that he used to give me when i was young. That 's why the pain of his actions hurt so much, and yet he does not see . i have to let him go because i promised myself and Master i would not allow anyone ever to hurt me again with my knowledge. i just pray i never do this to our young ones .
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