Thursday, 2 June 2011

stepping over cracks

 The last few days when i have come to blog, my brain has somehow decided to freeze and not want the words that are jumbled up inside it to spill out. Its not as so nothing has happened , of course it has , i just have not been able to get my head to translate it into the letters that make up my writing.
i guess it started by the feeling off colour and then a chance conversation with a family member sent me spiralling downwards. Always, (i hoped ), i have done the best for Master and my family, putting them first , looking out for them, caring , (you know the normal things that parents should do for their children.) With one of  mine it has been on going as they have passed through the boundaries of childhood , then on to mini adults, because he is autistic, and still is behind in allot of his development. This has never phased me ...i have always felt blessed to have a son who is as loving and caring as he ever it also brings its darker side of the non communication  etc in his life and sometimes the share frustration of having to explain over and over again with the most general of things, and cope with rituals and fads that he can not deviate from makes me want to just hide away and recharge my batteries.
As i said i always thought i coped pretty well , and i still do think this .......but this remark came from a family member who decided to think that he ( my son ) was lazy and behaved the way he did because he could not be bothered . This hurt me tremendously, (though i am sure that the speaker did not mean to) i know that the speaker has a problem with disability and understanding of it. He has however known my son all his life and i would have thought that he accepted it by now. Obviously not. i was at the time angry with his remark , and that led to me feeling that perhaps i had let my family down.
After deliberating on it for a long while i have come to the conclusion , that it is that persons loss that he can not see the problems and things that we as a family have overcome and now celebrate , and that he takes such a negative view.... i can be thankful that i have the love and support of my Master, and have five young adults who although they are not perfect , do not have major problems in life or addictions. i have since tried to explain to the person who made the remark, only time will tell if the message sank in.
Master , during this time has given me heaps of support , because He knows the journey that W/we are both on at the moment is a bit rocky, ( not in relationship wise , but health issues) It is nice knowing i have a Man that i can trust to step over the cracks and mountains that appear, and i adore Him for all the love and care that He gives to me.

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

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