Today i woke up early and had a low moment, after taking the first morning dose of the tablets that i have been prescribed, ( they make me feel tired and sick , but they are doing the job of keeping the infection away whilst the toe heals.) Whilst i was sitting still waiting for the nausea to pass i could see all the little things that i like to do about the house taunting me and making me feel down because i couldn't do them.
my mind is a silly thing when it gets idea's in itself, and i started to feel useless because i knew i was going to have ask Master and the rest of the family to help and i didn't want to. In the end it turns out i didn't need to ask for Master got up and did the tidying etc......... which hurts me almost as much because it is my place to do it and He does so much already. Brat girl nearly made an appearance as i sat there , and i came perilously close to getting a mark on the board......(maybe that is my inner child crying out because it needs to know that i am needed as before....and yet i don't want to be bad and collect marks.)
And so some time later i find myself on the PC , writing thoughts i was listening to Billy Joel singing "just the way you are" Another memorable piece of music that i love to hear Master singing, and means allot to me. Deep inside i realise there is nothing that i can do but rest , if i don't want to return to the hospital for another stay, and i am reminded of a song by Dan Fogelberg , and so i end this blog entry with it ..... and maybe a lighter heart, for i am not alone and the sun will come up tomorrow whether i want or not, and most of all i am loved and cared for by a wonderful family and my Master.
hugs to all
the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .