time changes us

Today as i sit at the desk where the PC is, i have allot of thoughts on my mind. Often in the past i have asked myself if i was good enough to belong to a person, once i questioned if the actual lifestyle was right for me, (these days, there is no doubt in my mind that it is) .
When i first was a submissive/slave/bottom , what ever you like to call it , i thought that every ones Master/Mistress was honourable and didn't lie. i was, without a doubt , what Master would call very gullible and green. i learnt the hard way, that you done as you told when your Owner asked you to do something, (even if They wern't about) and what you were told do was what you were meant to do... In general i got great pleasure in obedience and a warm glow at the satisfaction of making a P/person proud of me .
Times change and things never stay the way they are, even if you think they well... Circumstances happen , and i searched for a relationship that was like the one that i had before (ie with the warm glow and satisfaction), but , unwise choices were made , People that claimed to know what they were talking about on the nett obviously didn't. i was lucky in someways that i was only taken for a ride a few times . However my rosy glasses became clouded and i learnt that people were not always as they seem . (who knows looking back maybe i wasnt what i seemed either... after all i wanted real, where many people were content with fantasy.)
Finally Master came along, and i was a bratt, i had this dim distant memory of who i wanted to be , but in my heart of hearts i no longer really knew if it was possible. i have fought my One , (mentally) on issues where i was scared of getting hurt, and i guess some would say that i was a little like a prickly cactus in letting people close to me. Yet He persisted , and kept on loving and guiding me ....
i worked through a mixture of emotions...( i still do at times) but ultimately in these last few years he has taught me that i am still saffy, i am His girl , and i am loved able to love back. The more He trains me , the more i crave for , the more i want to please, but that little imp is still there that gets me into trouble ,... for i am still human after all.
i have learnt it is easier to follow the guide lines  (but it doesnt stop me exploring sometimes with His permission......) i am also learning to bend in the direction He requires and not what i think He does. Life is good, but challenging.  It is where i want to be and of that i am sure for i love the feel of His dominance , it brings me security and safty . i am loved for me , with His help i follow in His footsteps to reach my future, cherished and secure . i no longer want or need to find the girl of the past for He has upgraded me into a better model and now.
Change happens.............It is not always a bad thing
hugs
saffy

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .