bratgirl the workohlic

 Sometimes , i don't know why i don't let the submissive side of me have her own way, especially when i know it was just going to be one of those moments that happen, that prove that i should have just followed instructions, but i still had to try and be independent and "manage" things on my own.
From that i guess that you might gather that rebel brat has been about ( and she has) , It started with Master being away for business last week.... i couldn't settle i hate it when He is away, as i feel i have to do everything on my to do list for a week in a day ( to give you an idea how bad i am , my son calls me a workaholic ) Well a weeks worth of jobs got done in one afternoon, and then more.... and still i couldn't rest....So a few more hundred got done and i ended up slicing my thumb cutting a tomato. ..
That slowed me down, speaking to Master on His phone i was promptly banned from doing things ... ( but then i can't keep busy) and quite frankly have only just been able to take the dressing off the thumb, but i still feel YUCK.
i have a self destruct button i think inside me that makes me want to over achieve , to prove i can cope.... (i can cope when i don't try  and do so much) BUT, because of the disabilities and someones opinion of the past,  i always think i have to put in that extra mile... to prove i am good enough i guess
Master has found a way round that, when He is about , but when He is not everything goes out of the window , and workaholic brat girl is there. Try as i might i can not implicate the rest system that He has put in. and everything falls flat.
i get a problem then when Master comes back from His trip that i still want to over work and achieve and so then i start to beat myself up over it. This was all brought home to me yesterday , when He said, just  think about being nice to yourself... ( but i am last on the list) Time to change this .....and look to taking me time with Him self's permission. To look after Him i need to have an outlet for writing my thoughts...... feelings ... highs and lows ( that would be my poor neglected blog i guess) take time to make sure that i am well turned out and have done my nails etc... and to eat properly, not just on the run as so to speak. ( the food part doesn't happen when He is here only when He is away)
So today i am turning brat girl away..... she does not deserve to be in my life , and she gets me in trouble. i am focusing on relaxation ( football springs to mind( but probably not in the way that most would think~however that's another story) and focusing on all of me, as well as the family and Master, but making sure that i do not slip up and make myself YUCK again.
hugs...
have a good day
saffy





the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .