saffy is juggling

 Today i am tired, but i feel safer than i have in a long time. Master and i managed to get some precious hours together (without any other family about) and have a long talk together. i miss being able to talk to Him openly , when the children are at college or out of the house. i tried to explain to Him how i felt so unsettled over some things ( which he already knew , but then i guess being my Master that He would) Life is so hard , because of the abuse that i have suffered through a couple of previous relationships , and my middle ones disabilities it is difficult to have any time that i am able to be "me" . and give as much of myself to Master as i would like to be able to, as my middle one does not have the capacity to understand O/our relationship dynamics. Fortunately Master loves me and is not a person that would hurt me , and has been very patient with me , but i feel i am letting Him down and myself.
Times in O/our life have been hard ATM , W/we both have had health problems....(hopefully these are sorted now) and my routine that i cling to and cherish was thrown out of he window by changes, and still is in a way.
After Master and my talk yesterday., He managed to give me some discreet pain.... and some orders to follow , including my butt plug that i really love, complete with a chili sauce lube.......Ouch was not the word for it .i wanted to push it out but then i ran the risk of having to place more lube on it .....and ever step , every movement was delicious pain.... gosh i miss this toy so much it nearly blows my mind when i am allowed it ...maybe Master will allow me to accommodate the next size soon. He also made me very aware that He owns me down below and i am a very satisfied girl in that department..... Today He has spoilt me again..whilst out shopping and also took us all out for lunch instead of getting Himself a phone. i truly and honestly want to show this Man how much i love and cherish Him , i have a sneaky suspicion that He knows already.
i wish we didn't have to hide  our relationship as much as it would seem that we do...but people are to judgmental and discriminate against things that they are afraid of and don't understand. All i can hope is that Master will show by O/our relationship that M/s is not about beating the living daylights out of a person or abuse , but instead it is a loving and kind , a caring and secure relationship built on love trust and communication, and can offer both partners in it deep and satisfying peace and companionship.And one that W/we move forward hand in hand with, balancing each other and safe.
hugs and love
saffy

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .