update

 Today has found me at peace with the world , after i have to say a slightly shaky start that earned me another mark ....Although i am not happy that Master had to give me a mark , i am happy that He has stepped up the care and is not going to allow me to be a brat just cos the boys are home. i feel safe and i can not understand why discipline should make me feel this way (but it does) .
i am however determined not to let my points creep up any further......i may only have one more day of July left , but i am also aware that August has 31 and there is no way i want to reach 10 in my first couple of weeks....considering how quick i have got five in just under a week..........Master must have made the behavior standards more strict .
Thank You Master
Master and i also got the ingredients for a summer pudding for His sister  and other bits and pieces ....
hope everyone else is having a good weekend
saffy


the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

back to basics

The last few days have been a time for renewing my  affirmations and  my submission to my One. Before W/we got the chance to have the precious four days away from everything else, and distractions that life chucks at  all of U/us , i have to admit to having a low that was starting to build a wall to shut away all my emotions, and i was getting lost. W/we had loads going on in O/our lives , and i guess that i had forgotten how to be me.
The girl who liked her boundaries and routines was not evident , and every time life was throwing  problems at me , i was internalizing them , rather than going to Master for guidance/direction. (Don't get me wrong , i love that Man with all that i am, it's just that life was swamping me with what it was dealing me out, and for some reason i started to build walls.....)
Well those walls are well and truly knocked down... W/we achieved this together, by building huge waves of trust, by being stripped back to basic commands again, by learning once again how to communicate, that my opinions do matter, but there is a right and wrong way to express them, by being allowed to wear my collar at all times in the house while the boys are away, by learning that bratty behaviour now gets a swat at the time and then *if* it ever reaches ten in a month, guidance will be given in a harsh way.
i do not feel down about this , twenty five was to lenient and a number i was never going to reach so inside i used it as an excuse for being bratty and bad. i like and need boundaries to feel safe and i thank my Master that He is able to care for me .
i love You Master, with all i am all i ever was and all i ever shall be
hugs saffy


the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

Prioritise, but i am only human after all.

 Who would have thought that one little word could have caused me so much stress and worry the  last few days. i have never been one who is able to prioritise my time very well, i have a brain that constantly moves onto the next thing unless i remain totally focused on the task that i happen to be attending to, and can quite happily , (though i have to say not on purpose) forget things that are said or i say by time passing before i have time to do them or the time to do them gets here. Partially i guess it is because of my dyspraxia... (if you don't understand it you can find out about it .here) Partially it is because i am human and W/we all forget things every now and again , no matter who W/we are or what title W/we choose to give ourselves.
The word was said to me when i forgot to look something up on the Internet , and went on a flash game instead, i must admit at the time i had completely forgotten i had said i would look for this object , and was quite content looking at the silly game that i had found and willing away a few hours......The words that followed afterwards are not ones that i will ever forget (but i am however aware that i may forget to do things again.)
It has made me look at all P/people and how T/they chose to prioritise their time , whether T/they (in real life or online say that T/they are going to do things or not). i see quite a few P/people forget that they have to do things and have to have gentle reminders....i see things said that are going to be done left undone, and in the greater sphere of things i really don't think that it matters , (unless it harms a person by not doing , or it is repeatedly done on purpose) .
As my Masters girl, i try not to forget things, i am perhaps one of the worst culprits for not remembering, but i would never consciously do something, and leave a thing that should have been a higher priority on purpose. However, i did , and now i have to live with this and try and get it into perspective, which is not something that i am finding easy. i hate the upset that it caused. The people involved in this (apart from myself) have quite possibly moved on from it) i however have not. All i can do is say sorry and hope that i never forget to do something again that is important to another person or myself.
hugs and  light
saffy





the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

saffy is juggling

 Today i am tired, but i feel safer than i have in a long time. Master and i managed to get some precious hours together (without any other family about) and have a long talk together. i miss being able to talk to Him openly , when the children are at college or out of the house. i tried to explain to Him how i felt so unsettled over some things ( which he already knew , but then i guess being my Master that He would) Life is so hard , because of the abuse that i have suffered through a couple of previous relationships , and my middle ones disabilities it is difficult to have any time that i am able to be "me" . and give as much of myself to Master as i would like to be able to, as my middle one does not have the capacity to understand O/our relationship dynamics. Fortunately Master loves me and is not a person that would hurt me , and has been very patient with me , but i feel i am letting Him down and myself.
Times in O/our life have been hard ATM , W/we both have had health problems....(hopefully these are sorted now) and my routine that i cling to and cherish was thrown out of he window by changes, and still is in a way.
After Master and my talk yesterday., He managed to give me some discreet pain.... and some orders to follow , including my butt plug that i really love, complete with a chili sauce lube.......Ouch was not the word for it .i wanted to push it out but then i ran the risk of having to place more lube on it .....and ever step , every movement was delicious pain.... gosh i miss this toy so much it nearly blows my mind when i am allowed it ...maybe Master will allow me to accommodate the next size soon. He also made me very aware that He owns me down below and i am a very satisfied girl in that department..... Today He has spoilt me again..whilst out shopping and also took us all out for lunch instead of getting Himself a phone. i truly and honestly want to show this Man how much i love and cherish Him , i have a sneaky suspicion that He knows already.
i wish we didn't have to hide  our relationship as much as it would seem that we do...but people are to judgmental and discriminate against things that they are afraid of and don't understand. All i can hope is that Master will show by O/our relationship that M/s is not about beating the living daylights out of a person or abuse , but instead it is a loving and kind , a caring and secure relationship built on love trust and communication, and can offer both partners in it deep and satisfying peace and companionship.And one that W/we move forward hand in hand with, balancing each other and safe.
hugs and love
saffy

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

im a horder, in my snail shell.

 i wonder what life would be like if i  had to carry my home about  on my back like a snail........If i would gather so much clutter, and if i did  would i get rid of it on a more regular basis , rather than hang onto things just in case i may need them.
When Master first moved in with me, He had a big clear out of all the things that i really didn't need to be hanging onto, but had anyhow , otherwise He would never have got any of His stuff in O/our home. It was one of the hardest things that i had ever had to do, and i realise he could have removed far more than He did. However as i look back i realise that nothing that i really need or that i really treasure was banished from O/our home, and now i have new treasures to love and cherish.
my mind holds thoughts of the past , good and bad and i sometimes wish that these were so easy to get rid of as the material things that i hang onto just in case. Memories are precious though and past has made me what i am today.i am the same with my handbag....It is full of till receipts, coupons , napkins (just in case) dog treats , nappy  bags, a couple of inhalers , painkillers, pens, a cotton shopping bag, two purses, badges , and my list could go on..........Today i made a conscious decision to try not to tidy  out  my bag , as i have really noticed how heavy it is since i broke my big toe, and perhaps try to get back to blogging on  a more regular basis so my mind does not become so jumbled as well. 
 Have a fantastic day
saffy



the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .