indifferent

Well for a long time i have not had a word from Master to prod my brain into action, however today when i asked for one i got given this one. (yuck!!!) i had to go to look it up in my little dictionary and after reading the results of what it meant , i don't think that it could apply to me . 

 Without interest or concern..... well i am the nosiest person that i know so that certainly didn't apply, and i certainly worry and nurture most, if not all things that i gather. i have an opinion on most things , (even if it is shown not to be quite correct sometimes) 

Neither good nor bad in quality or character.... lol.....well ummm I'm either good or bad, never sort of bobbing in the middle as i guess you could realise by my chalk board, and my long quest to become the perfect (coughs) girl.

Reading on i discovered it can also mean unimportant, immaterial,not essential, of only a moderate amount , neutral in an electric , chemical or magnetic way, not specialized as in cells or tissues in a biological way.....

Looking at it i would say that to be indifferent has no place in the  Master slave relationship that i live in.  If i was indifferent or behaving in an indifferent manner to Master i would be wrong because as my head of household He is my top priority. He is important, essential, and as i am in a 24/7 relationship i guess it could not even be applied there. (as we are certainly not part time)

If He was indifferent to me it would destroy me. i have a need to be the number one girl in His life, i flourish in His love and care that He gives me , and i hate it when He is ill , because that is the closest to the word that i can think of applying in O/our relationship. These times  He switches off and just focuses on getting Himself better. ( this is not meant as a criticism, as i can understand why He does this) i know deep inside that He cares at these times when it has happened , but it unnerves me . 

Time has shown U/us  that i need direction and maintenance without these , without the correction , without the guide lines i soon become lost.  

Thank you Master for  the word ...

saffy 

 

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

tick tock bed time .

 One of the things that Master and i are doing at the moment is trying to get my night time routine back to normal...... ( it sort of  gradually went out of the window with sleep patterns etc when i broke the toe.... )and the cranky girl that i get when i don't have a routine started to make a come back.
Anyhow bedtime has been set to ten... so i can read my book and relax, generally unwind and not be wound up by comments and articles on the Internet. ( a nice time for me as i like an early start in the morning so i can gather some  me time . )
The first night i am afraid i managed to stuff up completely and earned a point...........( i hated that point because i know i wasn't going to get more than one this month... or that was my secret goal and it has now made me up to four) To date Master has not managed to find the privacy for us for me to collect my cane stroke for getting it.... however.......i just know He wont forget it cos He loves that devil cane far to much. Last night i managed to be ready for bed before ten ........( by a whole ten minutes....) i was so proud of myself.
i  really am trying hard to stick to my guide lines and  the help that Master gives me . It makes it easier knowing each rule (guideline ) that He puts in place is there because it helps me in some way and that in itself  to follow them because i still want to be the best i possibly can for Him.
(and one day have no points on that blackboard.
hugs to all
saffy


the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

rahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 Well it looks as if the bad fairies ( are there such things, cos it seems like it at the moment ) all came together today and stacked my plate high full of hiccups to deal with. It started half way through the night when Master took Himself to sleep downstairs , ( He was not feeling to good ) The day/night for me didn't get much better , as by this time my foot was doing the throb that it did just before it got its bone infection last time.
Sleep came in dribs and drabs and in the end i got up because it seemed pointless laying there trying hard not to count out the rhythm of the throb . I discovered Master asleep downstairs on the settee, at a most weird angle and decided to go back upstairs myself (as the foot was by this time at full pain again) and rest until the pain killers kicked in.
On examination i could see that the redness had already started on one of the breaks, and big toe could now once again be called sausage toe such was its blimpiness. i felt totally cheesed off. Struggling i managed to persuade the boys to help me do the shop, and get three loads of laundry done before concurring that i needed to slow down or it was going to swell even bigger... so it was put up (my foot) and the boys managed to get me some more antibiotics from the Dr's.  Hopefully it will go back to its normal size soon and i will just have to make sure that i don't do to much on it ..... plus make an appointment with the Dr to see if it will ever get totally better .... It's been a long time since the beginning of June and i just want normality.
Never again will i moan about having to do things , cos i feel as if i am being punished as i have to rest , rest , rest again, and my woolly headed dog does not understand why.
Hopefully next blog will be less  :-( and more :-)
hugs to all
saffy



the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

following a different path to set me free

 This evening Master and i watched a DVD called the "the dead poet society" , with the rest of O/our family.An excellent DVD in my opinion, and it had many messages in it. One of the strongest   meanings that came across to me, was that we should all be able to live O/our lives the way that we wish, and not be afraid of being O/ourselves . (as so to speak) . Of course there was more of a story to it than that , including that of  a young boy who shot himself because his parents didn't allow him to follow his dream of being an actor.
The weird thing about it was that i can see the way that W/we as society do tend to follow a crowd and not create a path of O/our own . The way that we run as a pack and move with the strongest leader , gangs do it, football supporters do it, even churches do it............and if we don't fit in with this pack then we are seen to be an out caste, or weak , or maybe both, sometimes shunned and rejected, and so for the most society tries to fit in.
In BDSM.......in a D/s relationship , i guess that many might say that by following a Dominants orders i am not making my own path, but to them i say, i have free will  , i took the first step on the path that i follow, many years ago, It sometimes goes against every fibre in my body to follow  His orders or to keep my mouth closed ( and yes i know i don't always achieve this) "BUT" the rewards of following Him.... down the path that i chose to walk with Him, and He chose to lead  out way the moments of unsureness . It doesn't always fit the  norm.....but it is O/our norm, W/we don't always fit the criteria of perhaps what a person would believe the correct one to be in BDSM, but it is O/our criteria .....it fits U/us , it is comfy, and i am happy , so is He .
What more could a person want .. and who would have thought watching a little film could create such a thought chain.
hugs to A/all
saffy




the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

four years.... and still counting

Today saw Master and my four year anniversary of being 24/7. (not bad for a girl who started talking to her Master , because of the lovely poem that He had on His web page.
i must admit i am not always the most perfect of slaves. i don't automatically get everything right, and obey instantly, and my mouth has got me wrong on more than one occasion when it forgets to connect to my brain, and instead tells me i am the boss. Which makes ( in my opinion ) my submission to Him more special and deep. It is hard to bow down at times.... and yet He (for the most) makes it easy....
There are in O/our lifestyle very few rules, He asks for honesty, He gets it, (though sometimes it gets me in deep dooo dooo ) i do know that i love Him with every fibre of my body and every ounce of my spirit that makes me whole. 
i am ashamed to admit that the last few weeks has seen me very tearful and a bit edgy , and i was worried that i was turning into slavzilla , However earlier on today i think i found part of the reason why. When i went into hospital , i of course took my evening primrose capsules with me . ( these have been very good for smoothing out my hormones) i have not thought anything about these silly tablets , until i saw them today sitting on the shelf in O/our room and realised that i had not been taking them since i came back because they are not with my normal meds.  ( i have started to take them again now ....... and hope that hey will soon kick in again. )
After a stormy start... weather wise and mood wise for me , Master and i had a wonderful day visiting some favourite places and ending up having a lovely meal together at O/our local Indian restaurant .
Many thanks Master for making this a lovely day , and treating me like a princess... i am the luckiest girl alive.
Hugs
saffy

the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

happy happy happy

 Master and i have never been on holiday together , come to think of it , i don't think that i have been on a holiday since  nearly fourteen years ago, and that was only a holiday park. Yes there was the odd days out , or nights away, but i can not remember the last proper holiday that i had , and i don't think i have ever been on an adult one.
This is about to change as Master and i have arrange to go a way to a lovely log cabin with its own hot tub , sauna and every thing ...... and in case no one realises it i am bouncing in excitement. (we even get our own spa bath and four poster bed) .
i feel thoroughly spoilt, and well ,like bouncing all about the room in excitement, next year if this goes to plan we may even try abroad in  a little villa somewhere. (for me it still has to be fairly secluded or quiet as i still don't do noise that well. ) Anyhow i know  i have something to look forward to, and i know W/we will have a fantastic time .Made even better that it is not to far away from Master's favourite seaside town.
Another positive is that my physio is getting in touch with the hospital for me and finding out about the damage of my foot, so we can then work on getting it completely better ( well as much as it will do) and then i will be able to take O/our dog out in the mornings again on my own. (something Kiki and i have been missing.)
hugs to all out in blogger land
saffy



the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .

my heart and plate balancing

 Today i have felt like a plate spinner trying to keep all the different aspects of my life spinning and well balanced...not always successfully, but i am managing. The young ones have an agenda i think that they like to keep wobbling the metaphoric poles and trying to knock my balance completely... add that with life's other surprises that it throws at you and well... you have a stressed bunny (me) that doesn't run for a peaceful house. i have gradually come to the conclusion after living with three males (my Master and sons) that females definitely do think differently to males.
However i digress... the last day and a bit have flown past and before i have realised it we are nearly at the beginning of a new month, (thankfully with only 6 points....) It has been difficult for me not to earn the ten this month, and i have had to work harder it would seem on biting my tongue and not being a pain to Master or allowing my brain to wander and  earn points really quick. (the way it does if i do not hold it in check) . Ten points was certainly a better challenge for me considering that i used to get eleven or twelve i think that i have done quite well . ( but i hope that i am not given a lesser amount again for some time. )
Master and i managed to go out on bank holiday Monday (without the kids) and we had a Thornton's ice cream, (brazil nut crunch) in the sleepy seaside town that we visited. He also brought me a handsome filing cabinet which i have just finished filing all my paperwork and have given the boys the old ones that my stuff had out grown.
It was nice to be with Master and just have Him to myself for a change. However by the end of the day i could feel the injury's from my foot and knee flaring up and hurting and i was glad to be home. Master brought me the new add on for my Sims game , (i love playing this but i have to be disciplined that it doesn't take over my life and leave me with no time to create O/our home and achieve all the little bits that i desire to do as well. Computer games are addictive to me and i have to try hard not to run over on time spent on them...(not that Master has ever set any rules , only that i have to be off the game i play in the evenings by ten pm, so my brain has a chance to settle down before sleep.

The last few days my necklace has been held a little more in my hand than normal. Such a small thing that silver heart on a silver chain, but it means the world to me, being symbolic of my collar that i am allowed to wear when there are no young adults or 'nillas about. It focuses me on my submission and gives me strength on all the low spots that have been about when the boys have wound me up. i am so proud that i am allowed the honor of wearing this and that i am Master's girl.  It reminds me of a deep part of my life that i need , want and grow from....and one that gives me strength to carry on in the 'nilla world when things go haywire all about me..Of course none of it is really necessary because my submission lives deep within my heart itself, but it is nice to have something to hold onto and be reassured .
hugs to all
saffy



the light of a candle is never lessened by lighting another .